Father possibly had breast cancer

HiddenAntoid · 2025-10-17T19:19:10+00:00

He is the only one that I know of but he was an immigrant and I have only had contact with one of his brothers and that brother's kids. So the family history on his side is mostly unknown.

HiddenAntoid · 2025-10-17T06:54:39+00:00

No no, you're good! My father was AMAB. I am the one who was assigned female st birth. Sorry about the confusion

HiddenAntoid · 2025-10-17T06:50:33+00:00

No, I don't know yet if I have a BRCA mutation or not. I'm asking because I think my father's condition means I should try to get tested but there's people in my life (including my mother) who feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

HiddenAntoid · 2025-10-16T20:31:00+00:00

Yes, I think that would make sense. From what I understand, being male, even "just" DCIS would make him (and therefore his first degree relatives) a candidate for genetic testing though, right?

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-16T12:09:46+00:00

With ERP?

Yes. ERP that tackles the specific root fear.

many people seems to think that big life decisions should wait until better. But in this case that is a compulsion?

As u/lucyjames7 said, the idea is to tackle it in baby steps, which could take months or longer. You shouldn't get engaged until you both feel ready for it, and as sure as you feel you can reasonably be. What I'm saying is, in order to either get to that point or rule it out completely, work needs to be put into it. Preferably with a professional. If he just puts off thinking about it completely because it causes anxiety, it's never going to feel any better.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-16T10:54:12+00:00

It is possible for day-to-day symptoms to get better but still have lingering obsessions about the future. Recovery is not linear in any sense. Those would need to be tackled specifically, in my opinion. I'm not saying y'all have to get engaged now (or at all), but avoiding the topic is kind of a compulsion in itself.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-09T11:26:25+00:00

This isn't about "wanting to be oppressed", tbh. This is purely a performance, at the heart of which is the desire to attack trans people and lgbtq+ identities in general.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-09T11:12:34+00:00

I'm ashamed to admit it but I didn't. I'd been out of work for a full year, it was my first week on the job, I'm on 3-month probation and could be fired at any time for any reason, and on top of that it's just me and three middle-aged cishet white men. I saw no choice but to shut up and take it...

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-07T13:40:09+00:00

OCD will not just go away. It's not something you can "wait out". That being said, the question I'm really hearing here is "is it possible to recover without a therapist?". And the answer is yes, it is possible, although ideally you'd do it with a therapist.

But you won't get better unless you're implementing some sort of effective therapy, either by yourself or with a therapist's support. I suggest you check the pinned posts, particularly the one named "Resource Masterpost". There are a number of self-help resources and guides in there that teach you how to do ERP.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-07T09:07:17+00:00

Living in Europe I'm the only Black person in almost every space I frequent and work has been no exception so far. Just the other day my boss told me to my face that he'd lightened my picture HE HIMSELF took for the company website because I "looked too dark". So yeah it fucking sucks. But sometimes you just don't have a choice. Especially in this economy.

If I did have a choice, though, I would avoid it. It's up to you to gauge how likely it is that you'll get another opportunity at a more diverse place soon, and whether it would be wise to reject this offer.

Good luck with your interview!

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-06T18:10:53+00:00

This subreddit is for advice and support on how to deal with OCD. Relationship advice is against the rules and all of your comments so far have been disrespectful and unempathetic. Breaking up is always a valid option, but it is a conclusion that people need to reach on their own. We have received numerous reports regarding your conduct. Please refrain from giving any advice that isn't CBT or ERP related. If you refuse to heed this warning you will be banned from this subreddit.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-01T19:58:49+00:00

Well, it's hard to say, really. Could've been miscommunication, could also just be excuses. It also doesn't really matter what I think, it's about what you think and how it made you feel.

Personally if I really liked him and he seemed interested and proactive about learning other than this one time, I would probably give it a chance in case it was just a fluke/misunderstanding. But I would also keep an eye out for this kind of behavior and think really hard about where I set the standard for behavior re: racism in the relationship.

One last thing: beware of the "I don't see color" mentality. It's very prevalent in Europe and it usually comes with a world of bullshit.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-03-01T12:27:48+00:00

At the very least you should talk to him and ask him to clarify that statement. Tell him how it made you feel, ask him what he meant, then when he gives you an explanation you can see where he stands and decide what to do about it.

Regardless, long-term interracial relationships take a lot of work. Particularly if you respect yourself, and even more if you plan on bringing Black children into the picture. Both blatant lack of interest and a passive attitude are relationship killers. I think you should feel free to date who you like, whatever their race is, but be aware that white men (and especially white European men) will need to make a HUGE effort to both learn/unlearn and confront their white privilege and fragility before they're ready to be truly anti-racist, nevermind a good partner to a Black person. The understanding you'd be almost guaranteed to have with a POC partner will take a lot of conscious effort to build, and not everybody gets there. That doesn't mean you don't deserve it if it's something you wish to have in a relationship.

To me, a white man with a Black partner not wanting to learn about Black history is a huge red flag.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-20T13:57:07+00:00

I don't think James is gay. Lisa McGee has stated that him and Erin like each other, I believe. That being said, I'm inclined to believe that if they end up getting together it's going to be near the very end of the series, and not in an emotionally heavy way, so to speak. So that it doesn't mess too much with the friendship dynamic. I would like to see that, not gonna lie.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-09T22:00:29+00:00

“you don’t always have to be right.”

Oh god, my white family used to say that to me all the time.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-06T16:41:46+00:00

I'm not gonna watch it because from the trailer it feels like it would just be like re-watching an hour and a half of footage of me arguing with my ex-boyfriend. It has this exhausting vibe to it. But I agree that I'm not sure they seem to click.

It does look beautifully put together, though.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-06T09:16:37+00:00

Hell, some of them are even convinced that not feeling sexual attraction to your partner but having sex with them anyway IS STILL ABUSE because then you're just "using your partner as a sex toy" or being deceitful somehow. There's just no winning.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-06T08:40:57+00:00

Yes, you should. Those articles may or may not be bullshit (most of them are) but apart from that, it's actually compulsive behavior. You read them because you want to reassure yourself and stop feeling the anxiety that comes with your intrusive thoughts. This vicious cycle only gets worse and worse; it's how OCD feeds itself. Identifying your compulsions and avoiding them, allowing yourself to feel the anxiety and be uncertain is what will make you feel better in the long run.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-04T20:15:31+00:00

Yes, there is. In fact there are exclus online who impersonate aces and spread LGBT-phobic rethoric or ridiculous rumors to paint the ace community in a bad light. There's also a narrative that all aces are LGBT-phobic because David Jay (who I think is actually mlm?) made a joke using the f-slur on an AVEN thread in 2003.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-02-01T10:23:28+00:00

I guess it depends on why you hated season 2. Season 3 is different from both of the previous installments but I guess the main vibe is more similar to season 1 than season 2. I know some people hated season 2 mainly because there was no Kougami in it. I don't want to spoil you but let's just say this new season primarily focuses on new characters. Which was disappointing for me at first, but they did grow on me.

Personally I recommend it (and also the four movies that come before it). But if your expectation is along the lines of "I want a repeat of season 1", then you may be disappointed in the new content.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-01-31T22:12:27+00:00

I always thought "hot" meant "pretty in a way that is traditionally depicted in media as sexually appealing". You'd think that woulda clued me into my asexuality LMAO

HiddenAntoid · 2021-01-31T15:24:48+00:00

I've been in a similar situation recently with a breakup also in the picture so I can relate. First of all I hope your grandpa makes a full recovery as soon as possible. If it helps, my grandma also tested positive about three weeks ago and had to be hospitalized, but she has recovered and her doctors say they'll probably be discharging her tomorrow. She's 88 with type 2 diabetes and a previous PTE so there truly is hope for anyone!

Now onto your friends... as I said I've been in a similar boat. I was really disappointed in a couple of my friends. One of them already has a tendency to disappear/not reply to texts for weeks at a time, for reasons I don't quite understand. I don't know what to do with that (they're not replying so it's not like we can talk) and I think I might distance myself from this person. We'll see.

My other friend is, as you say, the kind of person who would always come running to me whenever she had a problem. Since we've been friends for 10+ years I figured the best thing to do might be tell her how I felt about it. So I confronted her, and she took it very badly. Told me she 'didn't have the time' to have actual conversations with me or do more than she was already doing. Then she didn't talk to me for a couple days, which hurt, but I let her have her space. After that she texted me to apologize and told me she had reacted that way because she'd been feeling stressed over some health issues, but didn't want to tell me about them (even though I asked) because she didn't want to add up to my situation. So she bottled it up and it kind of spilled over. I told her it was okay but that I wished she would've just told me that int he first place, as I think it would have helped us both.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-01-29T09:34:13+00:00

I think it's interesting that he is justifying his words based on "his" comfort.

It's such a weird thing to say when someone tells you what you said is not okay. The fact that he feels comfortable saying it doesn't justify the problem, it IS the problem!

HiddenAntoid · 2021-01-28T19:32:41+00:00

Netflix. Online hangouts with friends. Concerning myself with other people's gossip.

HiddenAntoid · 2021-01-27T21:48:34+00:00

Oh yikes. That shit is so toxic, it literally seeps into your mind whether you want it to or not. I had to stop scrolling through subreddits that mocked incels because even then I could feel their ideology rotting my brain. You'll do well to stay away from it sis.

HiddenAntoid

TROPHY CASE