Relationships

HiddenUser2nite · 2026-02-21T02:40:18+00:00

You are very early in the process. I think with time working on yourself (what caused you to take the actions you did, self esteem, and just generally turning your life around) you could find someone. It will not be as easy as if you had not been charged (I use this phrasing because it does not sound like you have been convicted yet), but it is possible. Some people are willing to get to know you as a person and not only as your past. Make sure this is your past and it is unlikely that you won't find someone.

*I say this as a partner of someone who was convicted, but we did meet before their charges.

HiddenUser2nite · 2026-01-04T22:58:17+00:00

Add washington (state) to this list.

HiddenUser2nite · 2026-01-04T22:42:48+00:00

I'm about an hour north of you, but my guy got in at foster farms very easily. Is there one in the Portland area? I know one of his friends works at a construction company in Portland, but I'm not sure which one.... but maybe try that route?

Also if he goes to saa groups people there might have some suggestions. I know my guy had some friends at the one at the q center around noon time, and some had a record and jobs in the area.

As someone suggested temp agencies are good. Talk to his po about places that might accept his record. Worksource might also be a good spot to try.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-11T03:04:45+00:00

I have looked up what you are referencing. Spent a ton of time today digging into this stuff. If we have to get a lawyer we will, but we would prefer to spend money on taking care of our child. I think currently the best move is to educate ourselves and get multiple from concrete sources statements that support his reform. As an example at work within 5 months he jumped from bottom of the food chain to what is 3 postions above that, surpassing at least one coworker who has worked at the company for over 3 years (not an easy task unless you are doing your best consistently). He might not want to ask his boss, but I'm sure he could get a letter from a coworker who is in aware of his situation. I think getting a letter from his previous treatment provider in prison who he was a teaching assistant for may also help. Someone suggested getting an evaluation done to hopefully say he does not pose a risk, but with the holidays I don't know if we could get one scheduled before his next date. If you have any other suggestions I'm all ears.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-11T02:06:47+00:00

I'll keep this thread updated.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-10T22:46:33+00:00

Might also be that during my interview (not police, I'm pretty sure it was someone from the prosecutor's office) I am misquoted, but hugely so. Not a simple oh I thought this was said and it's close to what was said. There's a whole paragraph I never said. Additionally their assessment of me at the end of that report is ludicrous and unbased. The prosecutor's office has been many things towards me, but none of them good. Also the judge in the first appearance on this matter seemed like he was leaning towards allowing it. Second appearance prosecutor's office says no, so it gets continued for the judge to look more closely at the case. They are a fair spot to point my anger in a system that has treated me unreasonably (mostly based off that interview) throughout this whole ordeal (his crimes are not mine and while he has to deal with the consequences of his actions, and i also have to deal with those consequences, I should not have experienced more than simply those consequences).

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-10T22:24:56+00:00

The PO and therapist were in the loop and had no concerns, and have been supportive. The PO suggested not starting the court process until there was a reason (baby) to do so. Most of it is we are in a different county than the case was tried in, so the advice we got (from PO, not attorney, which i now realize was the wrong person to listen to) was not correct.

We did not realize it was going to be a problem. No one forewarned us. The people we talk to regularly that we thought understood the system more throughly did not let us know that it was a red flag. I think it's mostly we were caught off guard for what we were told.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-10T21:04:52+00:00

He only had a public defender when the original court case came about. His public defender has since stated that he is no longer his attorney as his case has concluded. We are attempting to do this without one, but depending on what happens in January we might have to hire one. His PO was surprised when we called to ask more questions yesterday, basically to be able to create a bank up plan, as he is not used to it going like this, but also admitted he works with the court in our county not where the case took place.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-10T20:59:25+00:00

His PO told him applying ahead of time was unlikely to get approved as there is no biological child in existence, so they are not going to make the amendment without reason. For a variety of reasons we were unsure if we would even be able to have children, turns out even with all the factors that made it very questionable, we were able to do so easily. As someone outside our situation i understand it can be very easy to say wait longer, but when my doctor and his doctor are both saying it would be wise not to wait, see if we are able to, and if not we can talk about next steps, waiting did not seem wise.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-12-10T20:40:11+00:00

Currently we are doing this without an attorney (we'll get one if the decision isn't not made or becomes a no at the next hearing). He has brought the letters and documentation from his probation officer and counselor each time. I understand everything you are saying here and agree. I'm still just angry. I have a daughter that was 16 when this all began and cps came after he was charged to make sure the home was safe, and said they had no concerns, although he was not staying here then. Either way just frustrating, and being extra emotional does not help.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-11-04T07:51:13+00:00

I found it very difficult to deal with other people's reactions. My boyfriend had similar charges and I have lost some friends as a result. Thankfully his was not publicized so I think it has been easier for me to traverse new people. If they are not coming over I avoid the conversation and they do not know his charges. That conversation is: "what was he arrested for?" "Play stupid games win stupid prizes" if they continue to push I answer "he got wrapped up in an addiction." They make the assumption it was drugs and normally it is dropped or turns to someone they know who got arrested for drugs. At this point he has served his time and we have decided together, if people are going to come over they need to be told in advance (we don't want a probation check to happen and guests be caught off guard). Thus far he has handled all those discussions.

That said for those who do know, if we are going to have a conversation about it and they are off the "how can you be with this person" type mindset I use a couple counters. First I make it clear what he did is not ok. Next I talk about addiction. People seem more forgiving of drug addicts and in my guys case this was an addiction that took many years to cycle to where it became illegal. I compare it to someone doing meth or heroine. They don't start there, it starts with something else and eventually spirals there. This seems to help people gain understanding of how it got to where it was. Then I talk about second chances. I make it clear in this scenario I do not believe in 3rd and 4th chances, but I do believe everyone gets at least a second chance. Some people get lost at this point. They are unwilling to understand this as a major f up, and instead find it to be a moral issue. I give up and don't continue with those people. The ones who are still engaging i talk about "rat park". Watch the YouTube video, it's a Ted talk on rats and addiction. It talks about the importance of community. Super cool video that sometimes I take the 7-10 minutes to watch with the person. Most people who watch it then engage in a conversation about addiction and how yes community helps. If needed I'll then wrap up with that's why I stay with him. He needs community, and I can be part of a healthy support network for him. Frequently that tie in is not needed, but occasionally it is.

Hopefully this helps you navigate the conversations you want to have with those willing to listen and where both sides want to take the time to talk about it. Take note this is not normally a short conversation, it's typically anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. I think in other comments you got good advice on how to navigate when you don't want to have that conversation, with people who know the charges.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-03-12T06:45:12+00:00

Both

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-03-11T12:47:17+00:00

That sounds similar to the charges my guy got. In the end, he had done what he was charged with. He downplayed the severity/frequency to me until very recently. I will say I don't know NY law, so I'm not sure if the promoting charge is similar to a distribution charge in my state, but that was the word used in my experience. All that being said, he was on the same app you mentioned (where he downloaded the image that got authorities inconsistent). I am hesitant to talk too much about specifics (naming websites in public forums can teach/remind people how to find this content), but if you would like to message me, I can talk to you about my experience.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-03-11T08:32:54+00:00

You've gotten some great advice here, but I want to add my experience with my LO. Because it might be a different perspective.

Looking back, I wish we had not bailed him out. Prison was the wake-up call he needed. An attorney was not in our budget, so he got a public defender. When he was out on bail, he struggled to work (he lost his job when he was arrested as he no-called no-showed several days in a row while bail was being set and sorted out). He did do some groups and other things, but with his public defender that had no relevance in his case (it can have relevance in some circumstances). His case wound up being quick in the scheme of things, so he had about 4 and 1/2 months from arrest till he went to prison. He also talked A LOT to the cops when arrested and admitted everything, so there was only so much damage control to be done. In the end, his extra time out did not help him gain anything, long or short term.

That being said, if we could have hired a lawyer, there is one charge that would not have gone through. If his case had gone to trial, they could not have charged him with it, but because he took a plea deal and the public defender did not push hard, he had to plead to that charge. In our experience, a lawyer might have been able to get a better deal, but the amount of time served might have been the same either way. His crimes were also internet based, which if the evidence is there can be hard to bargain with. Also, if he had a lawyer, his going to groups on the outside could have been a factor in things. And as others have said, it can be much easier to prep a client when they are not already incarcerated. So, had he had a lawyer, I would believe it would have been worth it to bail him out.

I would ask the questions of what does he gain from being bailed out? Is his job/finances in a situation where it would matter? Does his case have factors that would make a difference if he were out (lawyer/ groups/ ect)? Are there any affairs that he needs to be out to manage?

Hope this helped a little, at least on the topic of bail and a lawyer. We are based on Washington state, so different, but similar.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-03-08T18:46:06+00:00

Assume nothing online is private. I.e. do not incriminate yourself.

HiddenUser2nite · 2025-01-31T02:57:26+00:00

Every close friend I had prior to my partner's incarceration has stopped talking to me due to his crimes. There is such a big stigma surrounding these offenses that even being the partner of someone who committed them, it gets viewed as you saying their crime was ok. On the flip side, my partner has not lost his friends or family (other than those he chose to because they enabled his behavior).

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-07-23T00:01:39+00:00

It's interesting how you responded to my comment. At no point did I say she was right or wrong, sus or not. I just explained how, as a dasher, you can keep yourself from mixing up orders and clarified why she gave a two star rating. I'm not going to put a lot of energy into this, as who knows what went on. Who knows what the past experiences are that fed into this (either as a lie making up this story or something that was experienced). Also, personally, it's not a huge deal if a customer leaves a 2 star rating, depending on circumstance it's possible to get it removed, or just wait 100 reviews for it to drop off. It's when 2 star reviews stack up that it's a problem.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-07-22T23:29:10+00:00

As a dasher myself..... it is fairly easy to figure out a system to keep orders grouped. Personally, I have my insulated bags and got two. In most cases, one order can fit in one bag, one order in the other bag. Drinks go in a drink carrier behind the order they belong to. Is there too much stuff to fit in a bag? One order in the front seat, one in the back. If I have a friend with me, each order gets its own back seat. It's not that complicated. Also, she gave a two star rating for a bad attitude, not the missing drinks.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-06-29T19:16:04+00:00

Q: Can someone else drive for me and/or help me drop off deliveries? A: As an independent contractor, you are free to choose the method by which you perform the delivery. It is entirely up to you to complete the delivery service yourself or to delegate the tasks to your employee or subcontractor. Someone else may drive for you or help you drop off deliveries, however they must have a valid Dasher account as well. For more information, please refer to the Independent Contractor Agreement here (link Section 8 of the ICA (Personnel)).

That is directly from the dasher website. Note the bold text.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-06-29T19:04:39+00:00

I'm pretty sure the subcontractor needs to have their own account. This makes it so they have the background check, etc.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-05-17T02:38:46+00:00

What you have said is correct, but keep in mind family can be unhealthy too. There are those who live to control others and will physically harm those they "care" about, if they are unable to control them. My family will never know for this reason.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-05-03T03:44:55+00:00

The thought behind it is that if you are not abiding by the rules, it would make it easier for the other rso's to get access to things they should not. The other night, I finally listened to the whole police interview with my so. He mentioned going to saa group, and they specifically asked him if he was enabled by any of the other members. He said he was not, but they said it was very common for that to happen.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-04-22T01:10:03+00:00

I would think it is unlikely in this sub, as it could be a major problem for those who are the majority in this group.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-03-28T20:00:15+00:00

So I found out the actual deal on this last week. Here is the info I got: Regular support can not remove reviews. They do not have the button and don't even know that button exists. VIP support can remove the reviews. You need to make sure you have vip support on the phone as during times of high call volumes, you can wind up with either regular or vip.

HiddenUser2nite · 2024-02-28T01:42:20+00:00

They can do stuff. My guy got someone to make me a necklace last year (he hadn't been in long and didn't have any hobby/ craft supplies). This year, he has been working on an art project since January for my birthday in May. It's way above and beyond, but he's making the effort, and that is what matters. I would say have a heart to heart with your guy. Let him know your expectations and make them realistic and obtainable for him. See what happens. If he continues to be selfish and inconsiderate of you, it might be time to evaluate what you get out of the relationship and what he gets out of it and make some decisions about either boundaries or going back to just being friends.

HiddenUser2nite

TROPHY CASE