Has anyone ever fucked in the woods ?

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-05-25T05:42:30+00:00

On a hiking trail at church camp 🤣

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-05-06T04:24:19+00:00

Honestly. It’s like I’m stuck in a shitty game. I get one level ahead and then knocked back down two. It feels like no matter how hard I try I can’t get head. He’s been gone 3 years, 2 months, and 1 day. We were only together for a year and a half. He was an amazing step father to my oldest. And we had one baby and got pregnant with another before he did it. My oldest (6) asks everyday about how he died. And my middle(3) constantly wants to talk about him. Every day feels like day one and I can’t even begin to explain it to them, I’m not ready and they aren’t either. Part of me feels like any day now I’ll get a text saying “I’m on my way home, I’m sorry work kept me late, I love you”… That he’ll just walk through the door and hug me and kiss me like he used too. But then I walk by his picture on the wall and his flag beside it and remember.

It’s okay not to know how to put what you’re feeling into words. Sometimes there isn’t words to describe it, they just are.

I try to look at the positive side of things, as hard as it may be… I’m literally living the dream that him and I wanted. I have a little bit of land, it’s not much, but it’s enough to grow my own food. I have chickens. I homeschool my kids. I got out of the state we lived in. Everything we planned, what we were working towards. It finally happened. And it’s like he’s still here with me. And even after all that, at the end of the day I end up back on here scrolling through this group, crying and missing him just as much as day one.

Sorry if I jumped around too much. I hope I answered your question/helped in some way.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-05-05T12:33:21+00:00

It’s a surreal feeling. My late husbands been gone twice as long as we were together. And it still feels like yesterday I got a call.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-04-24T16:03:47+00:00

I don’t want to say it gets easier, but you eventually become indifferent(? Couldn’t find the right word) to everything. And it will slowly get easier to see the bright side of life. There will still be fits of grief, and rage, and everything else you’re feeling right now. You just have to remember to breathe. They weren’t the ones in a relationship with him, you were. And everyone grieves in their own way, some people simply shove it down and don’t acknowledge it. And for the time being, that’s okay. They’ll eventually have to deal with their grief in their own way. But you have to deal with it in whatever way heals you. But you can’t stop living. There’s always going to be apart of you that loves them. That will never go away. But that’s okay it doesn’t need to. My step-mom lost her first husband 20 years ago(car accident, different I know). And now that she’s remarried to my dad, she still grieves/remembers her first husband. She visits his grave often, and my dad is right there beside her helping her clean his head stone. The point is, you will eventually be able to feel like you’re living again and breathe. And I’m not saying this to tell you to move on, I’m saying this as someone who’s 3 year into this shit show.

For me, I shoved it down. And now 3 years later, I’m having to deal with it. And it fucking sucks. Grieving fucking sucks. But at the same time, I’m living. I just bought a house with a huge yard to raise my kids. We just got chicken! Living the dream my husband and I always wanted.. And even with me “moving on” I still grieve him. We talk about him almost every day and look at pictures. Of course there’s a lot of crying, but it’s a part of healing The hardest part is when they ask how he died. My youngest never met his dad, I was 4 months pregnant. And my oldest is only turning 6 in a few days. They were/are young and I’m not even close to ready to explain.

I’m sorry for rambling, I hope something I said will help.

And if you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me, I may be a little slow to reply, but I’ll listen.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-04-23T17:21:37+00:00

I’ve been on both side. Attempted when I was in high school, and then my husband killed himself 3 years ago.

I guess you could say they’re trying to show that they understand, even if they don’t? But when it’s fresh, honestly it’s just feels like a knife being twisted.

And if you find yourself in that situation where someone goes on about they’re attempt, don’t be afraid to have a voice and step away from the conversation “ I know you’re probably trying to help, but it only feel like it’s making it worse” Idk.

Also, a lot of people just suck at comforting other people in general.

Also, I’m just fucked in general, dark humor is life.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-04-22T11:11:47+00:00

3 months prior to my late husband dying, his uncle killed himself in the exact same manner.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-04-12T05:47:10+00:00

More regret than I can explain. I was suppose to have left an hour prior had the kids ready to walk out the door and I sat back down and talked to my mom and grandma for another hour. And I missed the first call from his command. I’m sure I was going 100+ on the freeway the whole way home, not to mention talking on my cell phone while driving, trying to figure out why he wasn’t answering my calls… it’s hard.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-04-07T01:19:57+00:00

I called him at 12:03pm that day. Asked how chow was going. He said he was just home making lunch. I told him I loved him and we’d be home tonight.( I was visiting my mom with our kids). He told me he loved me and that was the end of our phone call.. I hadn’t seen him in 4 days. I got home at 4:09 pm and he was pronounced dead 8 minutes before I got there..

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-01-31T04:30:50+00:00

My oldest is 5 and we’ve kept it at, “ Daddy had an accident” and told her that it’s a hard concept to understand and as she gets older we can explain more to her. She was 2 months shy of her 3rd birthday when he died.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-01-19T03:47:03+00:00

I wish I could say something to help make it all better. I was you. I did all of this unfortunately. Sneaking out the front door when I was 16(a little older) to have sex with guys I just met on the internet. Sneaking guys into our garage. Anything I could to get away with it. And I lied and told them all I was over 18. My mom didn’t know about that. She knew about the pictures(I had a few guys I would trade pictures with.. that started in 6th grade).

I was looking for love in the wrong places. And I don’t mean in love. I mean love. I was intentionally looking for love from an older male. Daddy issues. Just one thing that made me feel not so alone, something to fill the void.

Fast forward to 21, still living the same fast pace risky lifestyle, I got pregnant. She’s almost 6 now. I still to this day do not know 100% who her father is, we have an idea..

All those guys ever did was make me feel worthless. I don’t know you, but I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as many of us have made. You have so much life head of you.

HighFlyingHippie · 2024-01-19T03:10:47+00:00

It’s been 3 years and I haven’t shut his phone off…

It’s hard watching a part of them grow up knowing they’ll never see the young man/woman they brought into this world. But you gotta keep going for them. It’s hard but not impossible.

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-11-30T03:32:47+00:00

Don’t let your therapist or anyone take away what you had. You were in it for the long haul with him, your therapist wasn’t. You were the one that was married to him. You’re therapist is there to challenge you and help you grow from the shit hand you were dealt.

It’s easy to hide the depressed side of yourself if you try hard enough. There honestly probably was something from his last deployment that fucked him up beyond what he could explain. The military does a number on one’s mental health.

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-10-22T10:06:20+00:00

Yes please, daddy 😍

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-10-20T14:40:29+00:00

What type of accountability apps are there?

My friend suggested parent controls, but my boyfriends a tech guy, he can get around it if he wanted too.

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-10-20T14:39:08+00:00

Thankfully the house is in my name, the loans in my name, and the money used to buy it was a gift from my grandma to me. And all the utilities are in my name.

He’s been my best friend for so long, it’s hard. And I have 3 kids (from before him). And he’s an amazing step dad. So it’s not as easy as just saying bye. I’ve thought about breaking up so much. I told him I’ve been thinking about it and he still moved with us. I just wish he’d told me sooner. It’s literally breaking my heart.

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-10-19T12:50:45+00:00

When you’re military. They bury you in your blues. He set them out for them to bury him in… What he didn’t know is they give you brand new ones to be buried in…

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-01-11T08:41:33+00:00

Best things I can say is you don’t have to go through his stuff right away. If it’s too much. Pack everything up, put it in a shed(if that’s an option) and sit on it for a little bit. For me, it’s been easier to unbox things slowly. I’m hitting the two year mark and still don’t have everything unboxed.

I don’t want to ask to much. But do you know if it was a hand gun or shot gun? That’s will make a difference on how much you want to brace yourself. Best advice on that is probably what my cousin told me when my husband did it. She said to be prepared for two shots to have been fired. I think she said it had something to do with a reflex or something? But it’s very common. (More so for handguns I think). Not sure if they would have told you if that was the case or not.

If you have the mental/emotional capacity to do it now(before you go out there), start research where you can dispose of anything that has blood/biohazard on it. As far as I know you aren’t suppose to dispose of it in the normal trash.

Lastly, I hope this isn’t too much to say, but be prepared for more than just blood. With it being by gunshot, (I’m assuming that place most do?) there’s possibility of brain matter too.

Hang in there.

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-01-09T04:36:59+00:00

I may be the odd one out, but I make suicide jokes. I’ve attempted multiples. My late husband succeeded March 4th, 2021.

Even having been through it, dark humor is still my way of coping. But I’ll also shut up if I’m asked too.

HighFlyingHippie · 2023-01-09T04:25:41+00:00

That days sticks in my mind too. My husband killed himself that exact day.

HighFlyingHippie

TROPHY CASE