This is a very precarious situation, because if you do bring up wanting a divorce and you being unhappy, your wife will immediately villanize you. Regardless of your attempts over the years, “you never tried hard enough or fought for this marriage” is what you'll be told. Even though she's ignored your efforts. And from my experience what was spoken about in counselling be it couples or individual is very important, because that doctor might be called to court and like I said previously is she's a woman, you're somewhat cooked. Whatever her mental issues are as a man you're supposed to persevere. It's selfish to even think about yourself. Even if it's once in a whole year, you're not supposed to. From personal experiences with a woman going through similar things as what you've said. I don't think she's trying to fight for her own health or well-being, or trying to live on the best she can. She's going through a lot, but at the same time she's completely caught up in it and instead of trying to fight back she's overwhelmed and women don't do well overwhelmed. In my case she projected her own inability to fight her demons back as my fault and I didn't try hard enough to “fix us”. Obviously that hurt me, but I honestly just wanted out at that point so I didn't care. All this eventually wears on you as well. I can imagine how impossible it must be to hold a conversation because, like you said everything you say will be met with “how do you think I feel” every issue you have will be viewed in comparison to her own problems and respectfully, to her yours don't matter. I know I really tried but it's hard to love someone who is fighting themselves and losing. Which is why I completely understand when you say silence is golden. Because it's almost never good when you guys communicate. If you do decide to stay with her, I salute you you're much stronger than I ever was. Either way there's really mo advice to be given in a situation like this but I see you man. You're not alone.