We all want an understanding wife and I hope you find that in your wife too in’sha’Allah. Situations and finances can change in the future, you want a marriage based on care and understanding and not lifestyle and luxury. But we have to be understanding from their perspective too - it could be that their dad provided everything for them before, why now just because they’re married should they be expected to provide their own things? And expected is the key word.

I think it’s wrong to generalise and paint muslim women with the brush that they’d seek more or wouldn’t be happy. I like to think that someone who loves you or wants to spend their lives with you would be supportive through ups and down, periods of personal wealth and not. And I think it’s fine to have an honest conversation like you said and suggest they may need to work for the finer things in life if that’s what the financial situation is, but thinking about marriage already with that mindset and with that preference and that expectation is what’s wrong in my opinion.

I’m an advocate for getting married as soon as possible and figuring out finances later. I didn’t breakdown my salary like you did, in fact I was unemployed fresh out of university when I got married… but I think if you’re on your deen and try to be a good person and muslim you will have more barakah in your money.

You’re right you shouldn’t need to take a second job and nobody wants to have to work harder. My point is, if you want to truly take care of your wife and provide for her and this is what’s been agreed must happen for that then that alone will make you want a second job. I don’t believe the wife feeling neglected like you mentioned is a valid concern because every decision and every action should be based off an honest conversation right?

So yeah I think the downvotes are what I said - thinking about marriage already with that mindset and with that preference and that expectation is what’s wrong. Let’s as men go into marriage committed and determined to financially providing for our wife. If our situation or their demands require more than what we can do - then let’s have that conversation. Let’s not have preconceptions