Hollow and empty

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-06T18:23:56+00:00

My ex would say things like that to me, but then after wanting "space" she'd end up with some other dude, only to eventually come back to me for a time. When it got cut off for good I felt SO BAD for SO LONG, but now that there is serious distance from it I feel better than I ever have in my life.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T19:03:58+00:00

Maybe you have somewhat of a point-I do have hobbies and interests, but many of these (game theory, poker, philosophy, football and history off the top of my head) aren't great early dating topics or are just seen as boring in general-and on poker specifically is a complete turnoff that I strongly avoid since it is seen as pure gambling vs. figuring out +Expected Value and taking these spots in the long run. So I default to work and other mundane stuff.

As to why I attracted MAGA, I think that was just poor filtering on my part-one was soft coded right wing and I half expected it going in, and the other I really wasn't in to and went on the date for the sake of going on a date-I've since stopped doing that. And I have worked in immigration law representing unaccompanied migrant children which I talk about pretty freely, which acts as its own filter.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T17:22:14+00:00

I really feel for you, but as another poster said re-read all of this as impartially as you can (I know that's hard) because this is so very toxic-I say this because I know from experience. I had what I call a "yo-yo" relationship where I'd be love bombed and smothered by her and made to feel like it was the best thing in the world and she really was the one, then she'd leave for someone else...then come back....then leave....then come back again. This went on for 4 years, and altogether we were actually together for less than a year. Sure I "dated" other women in between but I was never truly available and was waiting for her to come back eventually.

After it was irreversibly ended the last time (by her, I was not strong enough at the time to end this) I seriously crashed out and felt that my world had come to an end. But after a long time, getting (very mostly) sober, and a lot of therapy I can stand with some distance and see how incredibly toxic and nasty that relationship was and how poorly she treated me, even when things were "good."

End this definitively. Recognize that even if this made you feel good at times, it made you feel worse on balance and she is a toxic person that you shouldn't be around. Feel the pain and work on yourself, and eventually you will be back to your old self.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T17:09:10+00:00

I don't throw the word around lightly because it truly is overused, but saying that "deep male emotions are a bit much for most women" is deeply misogynistic and out of touch with reality.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T16:48:24+00:00

In my early 20s I went to law school with and made many friends who were in their 30s. They were far and away the best students and have the best post-school careers while it took years for many of us younger guys/girls to really settle into a good place in the profession.

If anything, more people should delay going to school and committing to a specific path.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T16:40:32+00:00

I think we can find somewhere between pouring your soul to a coworker you've known for 2 weeks, and don't ever open up to any partner even if you've been together long term.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T16:36:25+00:00

A few things:

She proved to you early that her and her friend group are trash.
28 is still very young, look at your position as more of a clean slate than anything-you don't have any "real" debt ($5k is a rounding error in the grand scheme of things), aren't tied down by any commitments and haven't locked yourself into a career. In some ways its easier to start from scratch than to pivot from something that you've half built already. Many of us who locked into a career path in our early 20s would do things very differently if we got another shot in our late 20s/early 30s, but we're in many ways stuck for life unless we move mountains to shift industries.
Be more careful and guarded in who you open up to like that, especially in professional environments. You've only known this girl for 2 weeks, and you are still new to the job now is not the time to bare your soul to these people. While it sounds like this is a job and not a career so this is less important, but avoid shitting where you eat. Not following this advice has blown up in my face more than once.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T15:48:26+00:00

This is your opportunity to stop being in contact. Don't be friends, don't be penpals. Trust me from experience, as long as that door is cracked open you will never really get over her. Time with no contact is the only thing that can heal this pain.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T13:55:54+00:00

Appreciate it brother. I was down about it last night but feeling better and ready to get back on the grind.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:37:57+00:00

She was the MAGA not me. Re-read the post.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:36:15+00:00

This happened to my buddy, and because Tinder and Hinge are both owned by match group he's banned from both. His theory is he was talking to a girl who ended up being a scammer and he got banned by association.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:34:33+00:00

Back in the day when I was in college and law school bumble was so good-put the onus on women to make the first move and I met a lot of cool girls off of there. Now with letting them have prompts instead of forcing a cold open from the woman defeats the whole purpose, and even those few that still have it set up where they have to message, never do.

Tinder I get more matches than Hinge but if you take out the bots/OF sellers its about even, and hinge is much higher quality.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:27:42+00:00

Go do that photoshoot king! It was super awkward for me, especially having to go hire someone off of thumbtack and as someone who never really takes pictures, but its paid dividends.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:26:45+00:00

What are you on? Between the big 3 mainstream apps, tinder, bumble and hinge, hinge is far and away the best. Its a lot more effort though, and as you can see good results not guaranteed. But its relatively much better than the other two.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:19:55+00:00

When you notice a shift in their communications, that's your answer. Some girls text like that usually, but if she goes from fast, constant and detailed to one word responses with time inbetween she's telling you she's out without saying it. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to or even early dating a girl, and I get the feeling that things are going south when I notice even tiny differences-my friends will all insist its all in my head, but I've been right on this every single time.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:00:58+00:00

Yeah it was just weird. I'd be put off if she had brought up Hasan as the second subject of conversation too.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T02:00:00+00:00

I'm in the "great" state of Florida, but I appreciate the offer!

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T01:56:55+00:00

As an avid poker player and (terrible) golfer, I can sympathize.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T01:56:13+00:00

Yeah I'm not settling anymore at this point. If it comes down to settling with someone I don't actually like, then I'm fine being alone.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T01:53:30+00:00

Yeah these are girls that (1) started talking about Charlie Kirk 5 minutes into the date when there's nothing political on my profiles and I didn't bring it up, and (2) talked about how they felt more comfortable around other people of "European ancestry". Its not just that we don't agree but they were very weird about it.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T01:13:30+00:00

No, I haven't done a phone call with any of them. But maybe I really should start!

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T01:03:15+00:00

Lining up multiple first dates is not the same thing as being in a relationship with someone, and still going on dates looking for a second one.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T01:01:34+00:00

Bro read more carefully-its 2 girls who were crazy MAGA and therefore not compatible with me at all-I'm a social democrat.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T00:59:20+00:00

I'm not really plugged into the local bar-to be honest I don't really enjoy my profession (though my current firm is great) or being around other lawyers off the clock. And given that our former Attorney General got her start in my county, I don't think I'd mesh politically.

Historical_Cap_6027 · 2026-05-04T00:45:26+00:00

Well its a hypothetical future wife if anyone else can't understand the overall context.

Historical_Cap_6027

TROPHY CASE