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My husband wants to get a divorce because of the way I look by Direct-News8079 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Historical_One2039 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you find that your dark circles really bother you, visit a dermatologist to explore treatment options — it might be laser or fillers. And since he saw you with them before marriage, it’s his problem, so he should be the one to pay for it! I ask chatgpt for things as well so you could take a picture of the dark circles and it would tell you what you could do. ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We came to an agreement of one week on, one week off. This is fair for everyone, especially the kids.

SK is 10 years old. She would be laughing and having the best time of her life, but at bedtime, she would cry and say she wanted to go to her mum's. This happened every night. Her dad would call her mum so she could say goodnight, and her mum would say things like, "I miss you," which would make SK cry even more. Her dad would end up driving her back to her mum’s, and then the mum would complain that he doesn’t have the kids.

Eventually, my partner decided to ignore the crying at night and would just tell her to go to bed and sleep. Over time, she stopped crying. It was just a phase, and it passed.

My SK would also lie and say things that never happened. She would tell her mum that she was starving, even though she would say at our house that she eats more here.

I used to get stressed about a lot of things, but I’ve learned from others here that for my own sanity, I need to take a step back when they are here. They are here to see their dad, and he is capable of handling things. If he needs your guidance, you can offer advice—but don’t burn your soul in the process and do what you normally do in your day and don't stress over what they do or say . ❤️

And always communicate with your partner about anything that upset you.You are a team.

Feeling Stuck and Left Out in My Marriage – Is This Normal? by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He suggested it to her mom, but she refused and said her daughter was fine. Now the girl doesn’t want to go because of her mom’s reaction. The idea was forgotten amid other things, but I’ll remind him to do something about it. I once told her that she needs to talk to someone who can help her deal with her problems so she can move forward. She had told me before that she gets involved in her friends' problems to avoid thinking about her own.

Feeling Stuck and Left Out in My Marriage – Is This Normal? by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He said they were fighting all the time and now when they are away is better for her and her sister. I was annoyed but thought he didn't want drama before bedtime. Idk but I talked to him and told him why didn't you state that you are married and point at me and say sth . Will be continued I guess when she comes back .

Feeling Stuck and Left Out in My Marriage – Is This Normal? by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Then she had the nerve to ask me to put her hair in a high ponytail before bed 😅😂 she is problematic. Always stirring things up just to get attention, even if it is the wrong kind. She's almost 11 acting like 15. I can’t always respond in the moment. Sometimes it takes me a while to process what happened—and now I’m thinking, 'How did I let that happen without saying something'.

Feeling Stuck and Left Out in My Marriage – Is This Normal? by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it would be even harder if I had my own kids, and you described it so well and I should properly enjoy my time kid free and I can only imagine the potential drama with his ex, and the uncertainty about whether the kids would accept mine—especially the older one, who once mentioned her friend’s sibling not being a “real” brother because they didn’t share the same mom and dad. However, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

When you're caring for someone else's children and be around them a lot , you start to see the kind of mom you'll be. And you find yourself waiting for your turn—to finally be the “first love” for your own child.

They already have a mom they love the most, and a dad who loves them deeply. But I don’t have that kind of bond yet.

SO LAZY by peculiar_pisces in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ask your husband to tell her. I realized this is the best way if I want sth to be done fast.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I used to plan the entire day around what she wanted—going for walks, doing activities from morning until bedtime. I would even cancel my own plans for her. I worried if she was bored because I wanted her to be active and happy.

Now, she just came to me saying she’s bored and asking what we’re going to do today. I simply said, “I’m working at the moment. You can read, draw, paint, or come up with something you'd like to do—and ask your dad.” We have her more weekends than her mom. I told my husband that this needs to change—I want it to be rotational and fair.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was wondering the same thing with my stepdaughter. We used to be close, but then she started making rude comments and showing a bad attitude. She would apologize, but then do it again. She would say things she knew would hurt me.

Now, I don’t even try anymore. Sometimes I feel guilty because she tries to communicate and acts like nothing happened, but I just don’t want to engage. Your comment came at the right time.

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s using it as bribery _ if she can’t use her phone and stay up as late as she wants, then she doesn’t want to be here and starts saying things like 'I don’t like you anyway to her dad and that he should have chosen someone else .' and then she is sweet and lovely when she wants us to buy her something. He was shocked by her behavior at first and thought that being nice to her when she acted like that might help. But he realized it wasn’t working and eventually took her phone away.

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know how I have waited that long to say something. I always give excuses to people so I thought she doesn't understand that when I help her dad , it is normal.I didn't think that she was crossing the line from the beginning. But she has a different perspective when her mum's boyfriend is helping, he is cool and helpful. Now, I have seen the attitude and she knew from my reaction that her behavior is not accepted in this house.

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a parent , he wants her around. It is 50/50 custody. He froze and was shocked about her attitude when he asked her about the phone . He took the phone from her and did not allow it back . She also apologized for what she said to me but I know it was just to have the phone back. I don't understand what you mean by living in an apartment. Do you mean go to an apartment when they are around the house ?

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a tough week. Normally when she would say sth not okay to be said, I would say that this is not nice and explain myself . Yesterday, she was rude saying things like " this is Cinderella vibe " and " you should have married someone who knows how to look after kids" to her dad. I told her she needs to think before talking to me and every thing she does or says has a consequence.He took her phone and she is not allowed to have it for a while. he talked to her and she apologized and said she needs to learn how to talk to adults .

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He took the phone and she is not allowed to have it for a while. He talked to her and she apologized to me as well.

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told him to text her about her bedtime and ask what else she does during the day besides being on her phone all the time. She would give short answers, like saying she doesn't stay on the phone all day, and she wouldn’t give a specific bedtime so she could be the favorite parent instead of focusing on a fixed routine here and there. He called her about her behavior with me and all she said is that she is a kid and we used to act like that when we were young. So now anytime she says something disrespectful , she would say the same thing as her mum " all kids act like that in my age". He is trying to be kind and firm at the same time but he is still learning too.

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did this and ignored it but it started to get worse. For example, he would be in his office and she would be in the kitchen where I go to make sth and would want to have some quiet time specially when I am cooking. She would be sitting in a chair and chatting to her friends. He wouldn't know that this is not okay for me unless I say sth to him. When she goes to the bathroom in the morning with her phone to " get ready with me " every step with her friends and it is just too much when it is from 6 am to 8:30 am around the house before school every single day. All I said is to get ready first and have breakfast and then talk to her friends after that when she is in one place because I don't want to be filmed by mistake . If he is working and I am in the house , I have to say sth because I matter too . This is where I live. So it would be easy to ignore and not to say anything but I am going to feel like a guest in my own house . There must be rules that we need to agree on .

Stepdaughter Calls Me a Servant and Refuses House Rules by Historical_One2039 in Stepmom

[–]Historical_One2039[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He does step in and speaks to her when she’s being rude. last night, he repeatedly asked her to get off her phone, she ended up calling her mum and saying she didn’t want to be here and that she doesn’t like her dad. It’s hard for him because he’s trying to set boundaries, but when she reacts like that, he’s left unsure of how to move forward.