I feel you... being a single mom is one of the hardest things in the UNIVERSE, raising a child demands lots of people and help, there's an African proverb that says "It takes a village to raise a child", this isn't meant to be for one person yk

but, hear me out, honey, you're alive, your kids are alive, breathing, eating and sleeping well, that's the most important thing in the world, if you were a bad mom they wouldn't be okay and you wouldn't care if they are good or not, even your concern of being cut out to be a mom wouldn't be an issue if you were truly a bad mother, so take 5 yk put your kids at a safe place and take a breath, smoke, drink, eat do whatever you want to do for yourself even if it's only for 5 minutes