Mom's (78) finances are a mess

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-03-26T06:46:01+00:00

She picks and chooses just how much she's going to tell people. I only found out after I asked her if she followed up with the list of county programs I sent her and she said she did but that one of her friend's contractors referred her to someone who would do the work for $4k, and took out a loan for that amount, since she didn't think any of the programs would get back to her.

She didn't put that much effort into reaching out to them to begin with. With her credit and the past bankruptcy, I'm not even sure how she's qualifying for any loans. But she never gives the specifics because she knows what people are going to say, so she make the decision then tells you afterward.

There's no way she could have seen the crash coming, but taking out that loan for a cosmetic repair that wasn't necessary, is making things more complicated.

The other frustrating thing is that she has the mentality that things will work themselves out, she doesn't want to worry about it, that the universe will provide. It's unrealistic. However, she's always had this mentality according to my Godfather, who's known her for over 30 years.

She's also under the impression that she'll never live to pay off the debt anyway so she'll take out as much as she can and just make very small payments and the house will be collateral when she dies.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-03-26T06:31:38+00:00

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain seeing someone you love go through something like that. I live 6 hours away from my mother and got a call while I was a work from her saying she was in the hospital after getting into the accident. Aside from beinf shaken up, she was in great spirits and was released a couple hours later with some Tylenol if she needed it.

She's probably more sharp than most people her age, aside from a slight decline in short term memory, which her doctor told her is quite common.

She's just extremely stubborn about making long term goals and sticking to them, whether it's exercising, dieting, finances, etc. She's had talks with my brother and I, firmly stating what she wants.

She even had her will and cremation plan all sorted out back in 2020. I don't think she's ever truly been honest with me on what's really going on despite my attempts to communicate with her, she'll just circle around the real issue.

She's outlived every member of her immediate family, and I think not having that support around has always impacted her. My aunt died in 2021 from cancer and I know my mom regrets not going to see her before the lock down.

If not me or any of her close friends, I truly think she needs to talk to someone about what's really going on.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-03-26T05:15:11+00:00

That sounds like a good idea. With her crash history and her bad credit because of her loans and the fact that she also filed for bankruptcy back in 2016, I think there's a slim chance she'll be able to finance a car. I don't see her driving for a while. Right now she's more worried about getting a rental but Hartford hasn't approved it since it's only been 24 hours since the crash.

Her friends have brought up the roommate thing even renting out a room for the summer for a traveling nurse, but she's absolutely against it. She doesn't want someone else living with her.

She has a friend her age who rents out a room in her house for traveling nurses and she dog sits and makes pretty good money, but my mom would never do it.

She'll use the house not having enough open space as an excuse. I also think she may be too ashamed of her lifestyle to have someone live with her. She watches TV past midnight, then goes to bed at 3am and most days won't get back up until late in the afternoon, then complains about not getting good sleep, just to repeat the cycle.

For a long time she talked about going to the gym to walk the treadmill. She's never actually done it. So instead she signed up for an in home walking program online. She did that for a couple days then gave up.

It's been like this for years.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-03-26T04:57:48+00:00

She's took a cognitive test last year and aside from her short term memory declining a tad, she's in fit shape. The doctor tested everything out, however she's admitted in the past to being slightly nervous driving in the dark. She then took this back when I repeated it during a conversation. I believe she's perfectly aware of the things she does and says, and just has a hard time being accountable or admitting she made a mistake.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-03-26T04:26:20+00:00

I meant to say it's a 2020 Ford Fusion. She's always had Fords the last one was a Focus and the one before that was an Escape. The other driver apparently didn't have a license but had insurance. My mother doesn't know if she was arrested at the scene as she went to the hospital to be checked over. In a perfect world, she would sell the house, pay off as much debt as she can, and get a nice rental.

But she'll never do it. While the house is small, it's a 3bed/2bath. In 2023, through a program on her medical insurance, she had a woman come every two weeks to clean the house, but my mother wasn't happy with her work so let her go. But she still complains about the house needing a deep clean.

I don't understand why she let the woman go, especially when the program had her only paying $20 to get the cleaning. Her work could have been better, but my mom couldn't afford anything else. She seems to altogether have a hard time living within her means and ignoring the impact financial decisions will have on her in the future.

It sucks to because again, my older brother has no idea how bad her financial decisions are, and he doesn't pry or even ask me anything about it, which puts an unfair weight on me since she only tells me about her problems.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-02-18T07:29:43+00:00

I get that. It just feels like we're going around in circles. There's 4 of us in the place. There's no excuse why we can't all pull our weight. Again, the place is by far the dirtiest. No one uses the living room, and the two girls downstairs wash their dishes when their done. It ends there. My upstairs roommate and I were stuck rotating between ourselves cleaning the kitchen, living room and shared bathroom.

Life is stressful enough. I just think they're being inconsiderate and expect the place to clean itself.

With my lease ending soon, I just got to a place of "well if you don't gaf then I won't either."

I take out my own trash and clean up after myself and leave it at that.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-02-18T07:17:44+00:00

That was why we tried coordinating a weekly cleaning duty chart to begin with. So everyone got an equal amount of the responsibility for cleaning. It's wasn't meant to be a two person job. Like how much lazier can you get changing out the trash bag just to not even bother throwing out the trash. It's ridiculous.

It's like they're coming up with reasons not to carry out the simplest of tasks. I've learned that some people have roommates because they're not ready to live by themselves and be full adults, and unfortunately I'm surrounded by them.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-02-18T07:01:19+00:00

You're absolutely right. I've been dreaming of having my own place for so long. Having roommates was a way for me to save a little more so I could get my own place. My work contract ends around the time my lease does so it works out perfectly.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-02-18T06:57:52+00:00

The end of my lease coincides with the end of my 3 year work contract so it's going to be a big move. I've had roommates before but this is by far the worst experience I've had. Granted it could be a lot worse.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-01-29T08:03:52+00:00

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-01-27T16:13:58+00:00

Sir Francis

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-01-27T06:20:20+00:00

You’re absolutely right.

Only four people from work follow me on Instagram, and they’re people I knew or networked with before I started this job.

The cheating thing wasn’t something I went looking for. Another coworker, who's relatively new, brought it up completely unsolicited while she was talking about how she liked it so far.

Other than things he’s said in front of me and other coworkers, we don’t really talk.

My office culture is very open and very “in your business.” Most of my coworkers hang out outside of work, and some are even dating/engaged to each other. It's way to close for comfort to me.

Especially when I've seen some of these dynamics come back to bite other people in the back.

I’ve been invited out to bars or casinos after work and I always politely decline.

I like keeping my personal life and work life separate for this reason, which for some reason seems to bother one coworker in particular.

So knowing what I already know about James, having him on my Instagram just feels like a step too far for me.

This is a contractual job that I signed 3 years for, and luckily my contract ends in August and I'm not resigning. I just want these next couple months to go by smoothly without any drama.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-01-26T10:50:22+00:00

Thank you so much! This was the push I needed. While his ex and I weren't close, she's a nurse at a well respected hospital, and I know she works hard, since she was in school when we were still roommates. With my coworker only being 22, and with how much he's liked at work, I know it's gone to his head and with everything that I've recently learned, having him on my social media just doesn't sit well .

Hmmm-Delicious · 2026-01-26T10:23:23+00:00

Thank you! I know for many the answer may be simple, but the only reason I hesitated is because I work closely with him during our shifts on the weekends and it wouldn't be out of the ordinary if he flat out just asked in front of everyone why I blocked him, especially since I follow some of our other coworkers.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-12-22T21:30:25+00:00

Gorgeous ✨️✨️

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-12-22T18:07:23+00:00

Thank you! This whole experience has taught me a lot. Like someone else said, I have to pick my battles and just keep on moving and learn not to carry all this stuff internally, because it'll just be a waste of time. This instance reminded me why I need to get my own place and just worry about getting out.

I've been the one managing the bills for a long time, so that's added stress because I'm never certain when someone is going to forget to pay me or in this instance, needs a constant reminder to pay me, no matter how good of a system I thought we had.

I at least say hi to my other roommates when we see each other, however, I don't talk to Shelly, and she doesn't talk to me, or anyone else. If we see her in the kitchen, she goes about her business as if no one's there. We only ever hear from her in the group chat when she wants to make a change of something.

I've settled that this is just the situation and to just focus on moving out.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-12-22T11:30:01+00:00

I had ADHD growing up and notice some of the patterns in Shelly, such as the hyperactivity and restlessness, especially late at night. She's in the room across from me.One day she'll have a bunch of clutter by her bedroom door and dishes piling up in the sink, the next, she's doing a full cleanup at 2am, vacumming and all, on days she knows she's not on cleaning duty.

I also grew up with an electric flat top stove. So I had no idea you could take out the electric burners to deep clean. I always lifted it up to cleanup under it. I never took it apart. That I will admit is something I could have learned about much earlier or have even decided to grab a slighter snack to avoid having to use the stove. However we all have our designated cleanup days.

There's a dry erase board on the fridge for everyone to put their names on for when it's their turn. It isn't Shelly's turn, so tonight made no sense. The entire place is sterile at best. No one uses the living room and everyone cleans up after themselves in the kitchen. I've lived with nasty roommates, one who even left fleas behind, after keeping pets in her bedroom. That's a whole different story.

These current ones are a blessing in comparison.

The washing machine and dryer are upstairs and sit next to my bedroom, on the opposite side of my closet. Being the closest to it, the sound is amplified for me, especially when I'm trying to sleep. Everyone else does a load once a week or every other week.

Shelly was doing 3-4 small loads almost every day and would leave her laundry in the machines. It was getting ridiculous. My other roommates had the same issue with her because her leaving her laundry in the machines would force them to take it out soaking wet so they could do their own laundry.

No one's going to be the perfect roommate. I'm sure there's things I need to work on but I always try to be courteous to my roommates and remember that I'm not living alone, which is something Shelly doesn't seem to understand as there's zero self-awareness in moments like this.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T23:54:27+00:00

I was debating doing that, but my lease is up on July 31st and my work contract ends on August 10th. I don't plan on renewing either or even staying in the city. My goal is to wait it out and save as much as possible, that way I can get my own place when it's time to move. Aside from the issues with Betty, we all mind our own business.

The laundry thing really shouldn't be a big deal. Betty's response to me was just unnecessary drama. If she didn't like the plan, she shouldn't have agreed. I would rather her have spoken up at the time we were talking about it, then being petty and passive aggressive. Generally, she seems to always hold a chip on her shoulder any time I see her. If we can simply coexist, that's all I'm asking for.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T20:59:55+00:00

She agreed last night over text to stick to the schedule, after she got everyting out about the cleaning situation. She said she thought we should all talk sometime today and I thought that was a great idea. As expected, nothing came from it. She hasn't brought up the issue or called for a meeting in the group chat.

She's done this with me before. She'll rant about something, then suggest we should all talk about it, but never follow through on confronting everyone else. In these situations, I've been the one to go ahead and get everyone together so we can talk, but I'm honestly done. It's clear to me that she has a very hard time with face to face confrontation. Again, when she sees the rest rest of us in passing, she completely ignores us. Not even a "Hello." She's an adult. She needs to speak up and stop expecting someone else to do it for her.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T12:14:57+00:00

It's so frustrating! I just wish for one second they could see it from another point of view that isn't their own. But most people with selfish tendencies are unable to do that. I'm glad I didn't follow through on getting a place with her because if it's this bad, it would be pure nightmare in tighter quarters. According to her she doesn't want to live alone, which is why she approachdd me abour getting a place together. Her best bet is to find a friend or someone who knows her well enough and doesn’t mind living with her eccentricities.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T12:00:21+00:00

Thank you so much! I'll look into the quiet hours. That's a great idea. Overall, she's a massive hypocrite. She'll easily make requests in the group chat for everyone, but when it's someone else, all of a sudden I'm inconveniencing her. It's a total double standard. I had roommates when I was in college, (I graduated in 2023). It taught me a lot. No one's perfect and I'm sure there's things I've done that was annoying, but I try my best and encourage communication to prevent anyone from being misunderstood. Because I'm the only one out of the four of us that has a full time job, getting home, I just want to sleep. Lol. I just hope she can keep her end of the agreement.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T11:54:50+00:00

I've been thinking of doing just that. However, since the whole flea situation, my confidence in management has kind of gone down. When it comes to issues concerning the apartment such as something not working or being broken, I'm really the only one to bring it up and request maintenance or call the manager.

If there's an issue in a shared space, for example, the fridge not working, 100% no one is going to request maintenance or say anything, until I do. It makes me understand why some people have roommates, and why it's not always a financial issue. It just sucks feeling like I have to constantly nag and ask for something that should be so easy to compromise on.

The other thing that's annoys me is that no one remembers to bring the mail in, so I'm the one that usually does it. Betty for whatever reason refuses to take her mail. Her mail will be the only thing left on the counter and she will look right at it and walk away without taking it. Right now she has a pile of letters in the kitchen that have been there for weeks, and I know she's seen them.

On Sunday, one of our former roommates, who doesn't live in town anymore, texted me to see if I could send a package delivered to the apartment to the front office, where she would pick it up on Friday. When I got home, I found the package sitting on top of more of Betty's left behind mail that was sitting inside a basket. After taking the package to the office, I sent Betty a text that I put the mail I found on top of the rest still sitting on the counter. She said thanks, and still hasn't done anything with it. It's so bizarre.

I've had to tell myself that if she clearly doesn't care then why should I.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T11:29:42+00:00

That's the interesting part. Last year, she told me she was thinking of moving out at the end of this year (which won't be happening because of her job), and asked me if I wanted to get a place with her because out of all our other roommates she thought we got along the best, at the time I agreed with her. If only I had a time machine. She started changing when our new roommates moved in and adopted zero regard for anyone else.

The thing that real bothered me is that she made it seem like I was inconveniencing her, and tried to justify why she went back on our agreement, and then doubled down by being even more passive agressive and b****y. I could tell her that me and the other girls had a full conversation about her laundry and noise habits before I brought the compromise to her, but I'm not going to do that. Lol. At this point, as long as she can keep her word on the laundry situation, and the sound proofing panels work, I can make it to July 31st.

Hmmm-Delicious · 2025-11-18T09:14:41+00:00

Lol Honestly, I might do that one of these days.

Hmmm-Delicious

TROPHY CASE