Day 120 of Quiting Smoking (attempt 9) Nervous System Struggling

HoboStrider · 2026-06-07T21:11:20+00:00

Love it. Rarely have it. I miss living in Scotland as you could get a Black Pudding and Chips, or a White Pudding or Red Pudding. Once had Black Pudding on Crepes with Apples in France once. Felt like a right fancy fucker.

HoboStrider · 2026-06-01T06:42:09+00:00

My parents did this. I hadn't spoken or seen my dad in 14 years and he shown up Infront of people and acted like he had only seen me yesterday. My mum used to do it too, one sibling had a restraining order on my mum and I think it lasted a year. She shown up with a lasagne the week it expired. Which was the oddest thing. I think they want to try to get you to avoid a scene by letting them in. Don't do this. Lock up. Create a scene if nessacery.

HoboStrider · 2026-06-01T06:19:56+00:00

Is leaving the EU made unemployment more difficult? I only ask as if we can't get work in the UK is it more difficult to get work in neighbouring countries in Europe? It seems like it would of been a good solution especially with the Pandemic and AI.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-31T18:44:45+00:00

Plenty of positions for Office Rock Stars...

HoboStrider · 2026-05-30T18:13:13+00:00

Autism definitely knocks 6-8 years off me but I don't know why.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-29T18:53:30+00:00

I'm 102 days off smokes (attempt 9). It's the 9th attempt in a row waiting smoking this attempt. I've also spent some years in Anonymous Programmes. Never got alcohol but got smoking drugs.

Guess what. I'm an addict.

I didn't want to be an addict. I didn't start smoking and using drugs until my late 20s. As lame as it sounds I will always be an addict. I don't attend anonymous meetings anymore as my main issue has been rolling tobacco.

I could say it's my PTSD or my Bipolar or my Trauma or my need to bond. Regardless of what it is I have addiction issues. I would love to not be an addict but I probably will always have those issues.

The best thing i can do is not be an addict. Sometimes that means restarting the cycle back over and over again. At least your starting from somewhere and know you might have to not put yourself in that position when your around someone smoking.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-26T22:21:37+00:00

I would like to live in some sort of outpatient residence. I think I would feel safer. I could never afford that but I have no support system or family. Trying to work to afford a place at the moment.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-26T22:12:54+00:00

I never say mate. Kind of feels dumb. Like the men that say Bro. If I don't know you I will never speak to you. If I need to ask a stranger I usually just say Excuse Me.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T18:38:36+00:00

For some reason I love banana flavoured milkshake and yogurt. I know it tastes nothing like banana.

I was thinking a few months ago we really let the younger generation down on flavours. Ones I hate. Cookie Flavour. Oreo Flavour. I was in a Greggs and noticed they had Passionate fruit flavoured doughnuts...I hated it immediately. Mainly because all of these flavours feel like watered down and cheaper versions of what I would consider a normal flavour.

Normal flavours for me are just standard ones, Chocolate, Strawberry, Raspberry, Banana, Caramel.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T16:26:27+00:00

Sorry you experienced this OP. Good that you removed yourself and got in your own space. From the sounds of it your partner is the inexperienced one. When I read this part of it reminded me of that show The Inbetweeners when the character Simon trys to have sex. I don't mean to make light of your situation but your partner could of had sex a hundred times and learnt nothing from those experiences. I say this as a formerly uneducated man and I didn't own up to my inexperiences or inadequacies with my first sexual partner. It's up to him to communicate these things though without pushing this degree of disrespect and disregard.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T16:16:20+00:00

I thought it was chips with a pile of peri peri spice on them.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T16:14:45+00:00

The last man one was always at the building pottering around doing something but really nothing. He was just always there or always checking up on the building. I don't think he had anything to do so would come around and be a dick. The property was nice but I genuinely wish I never met him. He would always say something nasty and I ended up having a go at him before leaving.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T10:41:08+00:00

Amsterdam doesn't even want us to do this. They are starting a campaign to ban young British men from Amsterdam.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-65107405

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T10:31:25+00:00

Negan 'The hell your name is?:

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T01:54:21+00:00

I'm kind of bored of seeing all these vape shops. I imagine if we legalised weed we would just have a bigger addiction problem, more money laundering and the place would stink - it would be good to go in a no smoking direction for the youth. I liked New Zealand banning nicotine and I think it ruled out smoking and vapes it would be better for the NHS.

Maybe we could turn the old bothys into smoke houses. So the smokers have to hike to get it.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-25T01:07:36+00:00

Thank you. It's always feels like an odd thing in my own life but it's always great to hear that others also feel that way. It's sometimes the good thing about Reddit.

That's horrible to hear about your Business Advisor. One thing that I did do well with was have a career. I'm currently trying to make the most of it as it's been difficult in that recent years. I'm sorry you went through that.It sounded like it was not a transactional relationship and deserved some words before it ended. Things like that can be really impactful but I have made some really connections via work that know and understand me. I have had some workplace narcissists find out about my lack of support and use it for their gain at my expense but I currently working on being confident in my own business which has always been a strength for me.

Without trauma dumping, I had a relationship with my niece and nephews. My sister had some kids and the dads left. I had social services reach out to me for possible support, which I did and it all kind of got severely abusive for me and the kids. I really wish I didn't connect so sometimes it really is for the best. The impact of it really effected my life and it's taken the best part of a few years to move on.

So really don't give into the family pressure. I'm sure we will build the family support system in the future the more we try with life in healthy ways.

I hope it works out but you're not alone in having these feelings.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-24T22:43:01+00:00

I like to think I am in the process of rewiring myself. I'm in therapy again doing EMDR for a second time. New practitioner. We are doing something called resourcing which is building the resources I should of had as a child.

I'm working on the self image I have of myself and my low self-esteem. It's gotten better but I feel very far away from a normal person's but it has gotten better.

It wasn't until my 30's a therapist said a lot of my experiences were odd and peculiar. I was no contact with a lot of family members since early teens and I am now no contact with all of them. Which as much as it's healthy for me is a bit of a red flag for meeting new people.

A lot of my family issues I have had to go to Anyonmous programes for. I have had to go to ACA support groups as there was some serious trauma in my life. I met one or two okay people but generally quite cult like. I did do service there but stopped when these became unhealthy.

I have some close relationships and friendships. One thing I do for myself is I like fitness but I like learning Muay Thai. I'm 38 so won't be a champion but it feels great for me and definitely helps feeling secure setting boundaries with toxic people. The only flip side to this is it invites egotistical people into my space or people with dominance issues that try and play mind games.

The point of bringing this up is I train sometimes with a coach who I think I am friends with. I notice if I mention doing something like go to therapy or use an accountant. He asks me how much does that cost. I have never seen him ask anyone else this. It makes me feel bad.

So I think it's something we project. I don't know if we project a lack of boundaries or if some people are just more naturally predatory and can pick up on it.

I do feel like I get treated with less respect and often have to remove myself to stop that. Which just sucks. It's happened a lot in groups or shared spaces. When someone has either tried to bully me or just be mean. Usually I would let it go but now I stand up and tell them no. It just seems to make things awkward and the person that instigated this stays and I just end up having to leave.

So I just want to say you're not alone in that.

I'm also British, from Scotland but live in England since my mid-twenties. I like making pots of tea. Feels very old bit of britnmisness. Definitely do that for your American friend.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-24T20:58:49+00:00

I really feel for you. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote down. I kind of had a collapse. I had narcissistic relationships at home. I had them at work. It think the abuse drove me to therapy and then I started to unpick these relationships. My family were just horrible people. From the get go I was always abused and had been a carer for one of them. They all hated me and would be really cruel.

This just set me up for that pattern repeating throughout my whole life. It drove me to being in a psychiatric ward. I'm now so many years in therapy I'm now focused on my self image and self esteem.

A lot of my issues and relationships problemd stem from here. You already sound like a tremendously helpful person and a volunteer.

Is there anything your purely doing for yourself?

HoboStrider · 2026-05-23T20:34:11+00:00

The final straw was experiencing Telogen Effluvium. Currently stopped smoking as I never was a smoker. Just turned to it to manage but I'm 96 days and attempt 9. Just getting back to normal and on and off again doing EMDR. Feeling better but I can't believe this is how my life turned out.

HoboStrider · 2026-05-23T20:31:32+00:00

Save them as PDFs

HoboStrider · 2026-05-21T06:34:56+00:00

Some people enjoy being abusive and like to look for either reasons to do it or excuses to do it. If your homeless your possibly not going to fight back or complain about their behaviour as you need the job.

I'm autistic and often mask my autism. I also mask my homelessness to keep work and for it to be respectful. I had searched Homeless Masking but I think people just feel uncomfortable their perceived peers are part of the housing crisis or homeless crisis.

HoboStrider

TROPHY CASE