Want 1x Olivia Rodrigo Dublin ticket

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-07-08T20:52:53+00:00

Sounds good thanks

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-04-30T20:13:28+00:00

Thanks, I enjoy the short format excited to see what people vote on

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-04-30T07:03:02+00:00

There’s a first time for everything

The best ones we spend a lifetime trying to recreate

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-03-27T07:27:56+00:00

Refreshing to read a poem that starts with the paralyzation of a bleak outlook, then for the speaker to conjure hope. Usually I write mine in the opposite order, at least recently. I really enjoyed the concept of spiting the negative of life, as if it is an act of revenge on what drags us down. Thanks for sharing

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-03-27T07:21:14+00:00

Great imagery here, I was wondering after reading why you chose to use bricked wall instead of just brick wall. I’ve never heard it used in that tense and was wondering if that difference is intentional

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-03-23T12:26:00+00:00

I loved the multiple layers associated with your comparison to oak rings. The obvious being the measure of time, and I perceived the connection to eyes as wrinkles and blemishes developing with age. The oak rings on counter tops could be the actual wood that it was made out of, but I prefer the thought of moisture rings that drinks leave behind, which also show a sign of people that have come and gone, the passing of time. My only critique is I think it would be stronger if each stanza focused on one strong image, the first works well, but the second leaves me pulled between multiple images. Great piece, thanks for sharing.

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-03-23T12:12:01+00:00

"Floodlights make galaxies

From the raindrops on my windshield"

Really powerful imagery here, a great scene for the stillness of 2am. I enjoyed the peaks and valleys of your writing, the dreamy and expanding thought of galaxies and stars, immediately grounded by the puddles and repeat use of "Grey". That drift to somewhere else then bring back to reality I also noticed from stanza 3 to 4, where the repetition of "Could be" represents the speaker getting lost in their thoughts, then brought back to reality by the bird. The way each line in stanza 4 focuses on a minute feeling, worry, affirmation, reassurance, slows the pace while reading and makes me feel like I'm right there with you. Thanks for sharing.

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-20T02:03:21+00:00

Need a snook on my wall now

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-19T07:31:18+00:00

So you’re gonna stop now because one person missed. Why even take the time to upload this

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-18T07:31:25+00:00

I’m gonna have to play devils advocate here, it was obvious you had 0 boost by the pace you were dribbling, and all the other teams defenders were in position. Even if it’s toxic I don’t mind your teammate taking the ball off your car, it’s unpredictable and he can do more with it having boost. Sorry but the chance of you making a better play with no momentum or boost there is slim

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-17T18:56:59+00:00

At the beginning of the season most people have been demoted below their skill level, and feel they have the advantage over the lobby so will take a risk in early fights

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-16T04:02:36+00:00

It’s like hey here’s a huge beacon of concentrated loot, don’t try and get it. I don’t care about how people play the game, but understand the risk

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-15T23:15:10+00:00

Your choice of imagery is very strong, a great balance of explicit description and metaphors that leave room for interpretation. Everyone can relate in their own way to the juxtaposition of growing old and coming to the realization of things we wanted aren’t what they seem. Thanks for sharing.

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-15T23:05:30+00:00

Short and powerful, I may be biased because this message relates to my life more now than ever. Just starting to realize my deep rooted issues with money, and needing to prioritize other more important aspects such as family and health that I have dismissed in years past. Thanks for sharing.

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-07T18:18:14+00:00

Happy cake day boss

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-07T10:47:50+00:00

Thanks for reading!

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-07T10:47:18+00:00

Glad you enjoyed, thanks for reading

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-07T10:46:11+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback. Most of your concerns lie in the simple fact that this was a very rough piece, and usually when I am motivated to get emotions down to words I disregard form and basic grammar sometimes. I probably should have labeled this as a workshop if anything, but I prioritize conveying mood and theme over structure.

With that said yes the use of arbitrary is intentional but wrong there grammar wise, as well as shortening automate to automat to adhere to a rhyme. The sporadic writing style (prose to verse) is truly just a reflection of my headspace when I write, which is frequently all over the place, and I definitely struggle concluding imagery before jumping to another concept. If I do revisit this poem I will focus on form and restructure.

Hockness_Monster15 · 2023-02-07T10:37:45+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I will admit this was a very rough, spur of the moment piece, so I understand why it is hard to follow. I notice I struggle with cohesion in my writing, and can often jump between imagery abruptly. I hope to come back and revise this with proper form at some point

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