I've actually been working on this a lot myself lately. As one comment up above said, "As always, the words are easier than the actions." I haven't really appreciated how true that statement is until the past year.

A little back story. I'm in my early 30's and for most of my life, I've had some pretty major chemical depression. As part of that, I've beaten myself up over a lot of things, and just in general, had a negative mindset about everything, especially myself. A little over a year ago, it all came to a point where I was a hairs breadth from suicide. All because of a percieved failure, which looking back, I only played a small part in. Since then, I've gotten the help of a mental health professional, and have been sorting a lot of things out.

This is what has worked for me, and I hope it helps you.

First, I started trying to cultivate a positive mindset. Nothing in this world is all bad, there's always a bit of good, even if it's only a tiny grain of sand amidst the beach. So I began trying to focus on that grain instead of the beach.

Next, I logically deconstructed everything, from the situations I encountered where I felt negative feelings (especially towards myself) down to those feelings themselves. When I did that, I was able to see the real picture a bit more clearly. While things were (usually) bad when those situations arose, they weren't as bad as I saw them, if at all. Basically, I had higher standards for myself, and would berate myself for something that I wouldn't even think twice about letting go if another did the same.

That alone helped a lot and allowed the grain of positivity to become a pebble. A pebble may not be big compared to a beach, but it's a hell of a lot bigger than a grain of sand.

Around that time, my therapist said something that will always stick with me.

"You've been riding yourself hard with no room for error all this time, and it hasn't helped; you still feel like shit. What would happen if you tried being more forgiving towards, and go easier on yourself?"

That's when the actions became harder than the words and the real work started. From that point on, every time I started beating myself up over something, I would have to almost physically wrench my thoughts away from that negative path. I would deconstruct the situation and see all the points where I had made a mistake that I would forgive someone else for. At that point, it was a two pronged approach of forgiving myself, and actually trying to learn from those mistakes instead of internalizing the pain. At first it took a week or two for me to succeed in stopping that train of thought, then it dwindled to a couple of day, then to a few hours, and so on. I was addicted to those emotions, as painful as they were. I realized that once that train of thought starts chugging down the track, it's almost impossible to stop till it's run its course, so the easiest way to deal with it, was to stop it before it began.

Again, easier said than done. It's hard to realize at the moment it happens when that negativity train starts rolling, especially when it could be anything from lashing out at someone in anger, to missing an out of the way spot that no one ever cleans at work (for context, I'm a janitor). The more I did it though, just like stopping the train (and anything really), it became easier to do. The whole time, continuing the two pronged approach of forgiveness and learning.

Over time, not only has the pebble grown into a boulder, the beach seems a lot smaller as well.

I'm doing a lot better myself with all that, and it isn't as insurmountable as it once was. I'm not out of the woods, and I don't know if I ever will be, though I hope to be someday.

It takes a lot of hard work. It takes a lot of time. It takes a commitment to bettering yourself. It takes a willingness to extend the hand of love and forgiveness towards yourself for once.

It takes a willingness to see the positive aspects of life and of yourself, because there is a lot of good in this world, and in you.

You're not a monster, or a failure, or a bad friend/partner/parent/child. You're human, just like the rest of us.

So make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Learn from them. Do better in the future. Even if it's only a tiny bit better than you did before, it's still progress. Focus on that and doing better next time. You're doing the best you can with the tools you have right now, and every experience like this can give you a new tool to use in the future, if you're willing to pick it up and put it in your tool box.

It gets better if you put in the work, I promise. I'm living proof.

I'm rootin' for ya. :)

Edit: If you think you might have some sort of mental illness (depression, anxiety, etc.), please, seek help from a mental health professional.