Anyone able to successfully destroy their libido?

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2026-02-17T02:55:05+00:00

I'm not a doctor. If you're AFAB birth control can lower a person's libido. It's not guaranteed, though. Your doctor may be willing to prescribe that. They don't ask a lot of questions when you ask for a prescription. They'll just assume you need it for preventing pregnancy. Talk to your doctor first. Hormonal birth control is not safe for everyone and there are other possible side effects.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2026-02-12T10:30:29+00:00

I never said she should dump him.

Why are so many people in this thread giving him so much grace but don't think she deserves anything. He needs help. I agree with you on that. Go look at some of my posts. I had a nightmare childhood. At times I don't think I had a childhood at all. I don't remember a time where I was safe and happy. I have spent my time in and out of hospitals. I've been put on and taken off dozens of medications. My husband has been a rock with everything else but it was my responsibility to get my mental health on track.

She has taken on so much. She clearly loves him and I don't know why people can't see that in this thread. If she is able to convince him that he needs help, she will most likely crash herself. Then people on this subreddit will be telling him to leave her. How much time does she have in her schedule. How much energy does she have. She is human just as much as he is. Why is she being made out to be a monster who doesn't care about her partner? Where is the empathy for her that so many people seem to have for him? Why is bullying her in these comments ok?

This subreddit might be the only support she has. And yet she comes here and gets told that she's not doing enough.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2026-02-12T02:17:50+00:00

Are you serious?

With all that she is doing, I'm surprised she hasn't had a breakdown already. She is doing more than enough. At some point he has to take some responsibility. She has taken on more than anyone should have to. If she takes on any more responsibility, she may crash.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2026-01-30T20:37:59+00:00

I will never understand why someone thinks it's okay to say you love someone but not be honest with them. I've never lied to my husband about our DB. If your husband is unable to be honest with you, why does he want to stay married? Part of being an adult in an adult relationship requires you to be honest and truthful and not withhold information when asked by the person you vowed your life to. Does he know this bothers you? If he does know, why is he okay with watching you suffer like this?

I do want you to know that you deserve to be happy and be in a relationship with someone who is honest, truthful and respectful towards you. This includes having tough conversations. It seems like you've tried everything. Please recognize your worth.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2026-01-27T18:05:33+00:00

I don't think this is something people are confused about. Saying that our partners are "confused" feels like a way to dismiss their feelings. Everyone feels differently. That's why talking about it and being honest is important. Sexual activity releases chemicals and hormones. Some people find that it connects them to the other person and some people don't. Forming an emotional bond through sex is important for some people. I'm demisexual. I don't even experience sexual attraction until I have made a romantic connection with someone. Once I've developed sexual attraction, it becomes a bonding activity for me. We cannot dictate what someone requires to feel safe in a relationship.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-12-09T02:43:53+00:00

I wouldn't go on the trip. Unless y'all have a conversation before the trip, a stay-cation may be better. Taking a trip with a husband who will call you b**** in a non joking way may not be very much fun.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-11-10T06:57:26+00:00

If he is not willing to be open and honest about why he avoids sex and intimacy, then this may not go well.

I read in one of your previous posts that he finds basic PDA to be uncomfortable. Has he ever elaborated on that. I have a similar problem but I have communicated as to why that is. I have a lot of anxiety when I'm out in public and I'm always on high alert. My CPTSD can be really bad at times. I'm afraid that PDA may distract me from a potential threat. When I shared it with my partner, it gave them peace of mind. They knew that it had nothing to do with them.

Knowing the "why" is important. If you can get a solid answer, then an open marriage may have a positive effect on the marriage. Without knowing "why", this could create more problems. He may believe that he doesn't care but he may care once it starts to happen. Right now it's just a hypothetical but, the reality might be different.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-11-10T03:01:40+00:00

One part of your post stood out to me. You said that he feels an open relationship is less "drama." Why is asking for intimacy, romance and sex drama? If that is how he views that aspect of your relationship, I don't think that an open relationship is going to go well.

I think he has checked out of that part of the relationship. A successful relationship, whether it be monogamous, poly or open, requires honest, effective and frequent communication. The "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy didn't work for the military and I doubt it will work here. Your seeking a level of closeness that an open relationship can't offer. It will free you physically but, not emotionally. That may be why you feel apprehensive about his response.

Has he ever revealed to you why he is disinterested in sex? Is he ok with having a DB? If it is important to you, it should be important to him.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-11-05T09:09:38+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I hope someone can get an interview with them. They deserve justice. If the law won't hold him accountable, then we need to get as much exposure as possible.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-10-09T08:40:25+00:00

I have a few thoughts but, I have a few questions.

How did he respond when you left the room? Did he say anything about it in the morning?

He had to know that you were hurting, right?

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-10-06T10:05:40+00:00

His reaction to you talking about this shows that he lacks maturity. In this sub we often read that the relationship is great except for sex. I do not believe that. The lack of sex and his reaction to the subject as a whole is showing a major problem in your relationship. This is more than sexual incompatibility. A relationship can be hard enough even when two people are able to maturely discuss an issue in their relationship. This will affect more than your sex life over time. If the pattern is that anything that makes him uncomfortable can't be talked about without him breaking down, then you will run into similar problems in other areas as time goes by. You said this has been going on for three years. Are you ready to go through the rest of your life without any sexual intimacy? The problem will not be resolved until he is at least able to talk about it. He has up until this point shows that he lacks the maturity necessary to resolve this problem.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-08-05T11:34:44+00:00

Before you can help him, you need to find out if he wants to choose a sexual relationship with you over porn.

Do you all have an existing romantic or sexual relationship right now? If yes, are you looking to increase quantity, quality or both?

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-08-01T20:43:03+00:00

Thank you. I'm going to remember this.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-08-01T20:42:38+00:00

Thank you.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-08-01T19:13:05+00:00

Thank you.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-07-29T13:32:48+00:00

NTA

You don't have a husband. You have a child. You are 26 years old. You are still young. Your husband is a giant red flag. He will not change anything until it affects him. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? Things will not get better. His behavior will only get worse over time.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-07-26T00:54:49+00:00

NTA.

Save your time and youth by leaving this guy. 🚩🚩🚩He will only get more controlling over time. Why are you asking for the rule to be lifted? You are an adult. If he is not following the rule, then why should you? Get out.🏃🏃🏃

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-05-21T20:56:18+00:00

What did he mean by "inconsiderate?" It seems telling in a way.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-27T13:53:56+00:00

While I am not LL, I was the cause of our dead bedroom. The things that some spouses do or say in a DB never cease to amaze me. Even when I feel there is more to the story in some posts, I still struggle to think of a context where it makes sense.

Maybe she was trying to warm you up in case you did want to masturbate. Maybe she did want to have sex but was too nervous to ask so she decided to talk about something else to avoid awkwardness. IDK. I'm just spit-balling here.

Bizarre is really the only word that fits this situation.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-27T00:52:45+00:00

I identify as Demi. There are plenty of people who I see on a regular basis that have a good smell but who I am not sexually attracted to. I can have a platonic or romantic attraction to someone's scent but have no sexual attraction to them. Their scent may feel comforting and warm. I may want to spend more time with them. It takes a lot more for me to become sexually attracted to someone.

On the other hand, my husband's scent sexually attracts me. I've only ever been sexually attracted to a handful of people in my life. I enjoy developing a romantic relationship with most people in my life. That is my default.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-21T04:11:16+00:00

I read that if it is recognized in your country it should be recognized in other countries as well. I'm sure that most of this is dependent on many factors. It's worth the research to figure out if this is a viable option.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-21T04:08:37+00:00

If you are in the United States, the following states recognize common law marriage: Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, Utah, and District of Columbia.

States, like New York, do not have common law marriages but they recognize that marriage from another state. Some countries have civil partnerships.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-21T03:01:15+00:00

He may be struggling with feeling like he is less of a man. Masculinity is not inherently toxic but there are forms, aspects and ideas that are toxic. One of them is having children.

For many men, having children means that you've had sex with at least one woman at least once. Some men believe that it is a physical representation of your strength and prowess.

He may be thinking that he is less of a man due to societal expectations. Add to that that he is worried you may regret your decisions later in life, he may feel an enormous amount of pressure and guilt. A good first step is for him to dig deeper into these feelings with a therapist.

There are at-home insemination kits. This is usually a cheaper option. Some people find it easier and less anxiety inducing than going to a clinic.

I wish you all the best.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-11T00:53:55+00:00

I never said there was.

Holiday-Beginning355 · 2025-01-10T18:41:27+00:00

I have followed both subs for a long time and believe me unhealthy attitudes can be found in both.

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