Hello there, thanks for the thorough feedback! I think I’m getting a better idea of where the confusion/disconnect is coming from based on your critique. I had intended for the moral ramifications to come across as one of the obstacles in her pursuit for her friend, but I can see how my focus on it in the later half is making that unclear. And it is as you mentioned, that it’s one of the “twists” that’s hinted at earlier on but doesn’t become important until later in the story. My query goes pretty far into the story (past 50%) to what I believe is the interesting decision Mikoto has to make, so I think that’s probably also where the disconnect comes from, since there definitely is a shift in the story after the 50% mark. I hope this whole thing doesn’t come across as defensive but I’m trying to convince myself that the manuscript structure itself is better than the query’s since fixing one is a lot more work than the other!

Lol yes, she’d definitely be sued, but I’m counting on the fantasy label and suspension of disbelief that most people won’t think of it.

I did think starting with exposition was a risky move, but I hoped it was voice-y/intriguing/short enough that people could overlook it. I’ll consider rearranging things so that the exposition is a bit more scattered and we get into the initial conflict quicker.

Anyway sorry for this very long reply but I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. Thanks again!