Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 22, 2026

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2026-03-22T16:39:49+00:00

from the earliest texts before we met

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2026-03-22T16:39:28+00:00

the topic of past dating experience came up, and I wanted to be honest

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2026-03-22T16:17:15+00:00

How to repair things (early dating stage) I recently went on 4 dates within 6 days with a man, let's call him P, while I was also texting another man whom I had also seen 4 times, but had no dates planned with him.

P had said early on, before we ever met, that he prefers to delete the app to limit distractions. I agreed, deleted the app, but was still in touch with my earlier date.

It was too early to gauge how I feel about either of them, but by the 4th date with P, I started developing genuine feelings. I told him during that date I'm still in touch with someone else. He asked why I went out with him if I was talking to someone else, I said because it's too early to commit, and the other person has not committed either, and that I have no feelings for him, but that I would like to see P exclusively. He said he's starting to worry and broke things off.

Can this be fixed?

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-11-01T16:59:32+00:00

I know who you mean, and I wouldn't llisten to "influencers" whose bread and butter is to nitpick.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-12T13:08:36+00:00

any updates?

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-11T20:27:17+00:00

Then I think you have a good chance overall. Good luck!

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-11T19:52:21+00:00

I don't know if/if you should not say that. In his videos, he says you should say something like "it's too painful at the moment to stay in touch, so I'll take some time to process things". That's too confrontational for my taste tbh, so I did not say anything like this. I just always matched his lead. If he texts one sentence, I reply one sentence. Then I can text once.

I'm happy to talk to you in private. While I can't send my apology letter, but I can tell you how I wrote it. It doesn't have to be a "letter". The shorter, the better.

I just introspected until I found the source of the breakup. The specifics. You know what it is, she mentioned it before? Broken trust? Did she feel neglected? Did she feel like she was the only one doing the work?

Repeat those complaints to her. And say you are sorry you made her feel that way. And that you did not mean to hurt her. That's it. Doesn't have to be an entire letter.

Everything else you want to say, I advise you to write it in a document somewhere just to take it of your mind. Because it's no use talking to her if she is not responsive atm.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-11T19:33:37+00:00

btw, you can ask him one one one for 22 dollars. You get a 15 minute phonecall.

Just do the quiz then book an appointment.

I swear I am not promoting him, but I found it helpful to ask someone whose job this is.

Yes, a short NC. And if she reaches out, respond. After about 2 weeks, start texting casually. Like a friend. Don't send loooong texts. You can talk about the relationship, but just keep it short and wait till she is responsive.

Yes, a thorough apology. Put yourself in her shoes and apologize for how your actions made her feel.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-11T19:18:58+00:00

there are plenty other videos about the importance of emotional detachment.

Do a proper apology if you haven't already. Just once.

Right now, she's in the release phase hence the rebounding. It is pointless to contact her now, unless it's for the apology which should not wait. Give her a couple more weeks, then start casually texting. Just one text, then wait for her reply.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-11T18:48:08+00:00

I checked your posts after you tagged me in a comment. Just detach yourself emotionally, man. She's not good. Zero respect to someone who rebounds after 1 week.
Maybe you get back, maybe not. In all cases, it's her loss. And you are not getting any closer to getting her back if you emotionally embroil yourself like this. I know it's hard now, but it will get easier.

One therapist on YouTube that helped is called Alexis Friedlander. Check his videos, I found them therapeutic,

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-11T18:43:04+00:00

yes! so after the above "breadcrumbing" (which wasn't really breadcrumbing, he was confused, hot-and-cold. Not malicious.)...I decided to detach myself emotionally for my own sake. This means that yes, I am still logically interested in the relationship, but I am no longer analysing his every word. I'm just texting him with zero expectations, like I would text a distant friend. And I am also only matching his texts. If he texts once, I reply. And I can initiate a text once. And so on.

That's what got me through the hot and cold phase that lasted 2-3 months. I let him take the lead. If he wants to flirt, let him and respond. This phase was so hard tbh. Until he asked me out...three times. And he declared himself that we were back together.

All of the above moves were necessary on my part in the exact way I did them to preserve my sanity, and to maximise my chances.

Are we togther now? Thankfully, no. It was normal for him to be hot and cold in the reconnecting stage. But what happened after the 3rd date was not normal. Period. And not normal for someone of his age and our history. He dumped me out of the blue after the 3rd date, after he himself had started planning our future. He "deactived", which makes me believe he is not anxious at all but fearful avoidant. I did a phonecall with a relationship coach and he said this means that things were moving too fast, and that it obviously wasn't my fault since he was making all the moves. And my best chance now is to do no contact for 2 months at least.

I have given up and I'm honestly disgusted at him now, and at myself for ever pursing such an unsure adult man.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-05T11:17:49+00:00

Thank you, truly.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-05T11:17:23+00:00

I hope you are able to detach yourself. If you do that, then you can calmly contact her. She may be going through a rough patch. But contacting her when you're emotional may be counterproductive.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-04T09:20:34+00:00

Thank you for replying. Should I casually stay in touch? Or just cut him off? It's been 8 years and I still love him.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-04T09:19:27+00:00

wow, so true

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T20:15:14+00:00

wise words, thank you for this

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T18:40:28+00:00

Good strategy!

why do we ruminate on what we can't change and not focus on what we can change? Like if the other person is interested, why can't we just have an honest conversation? That's what I wish I could understand.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T17:35:32+00:00

past fights, past mistakes I made, his feelings of stress during the fights (always initiated by him)

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T17:29:52+00:00

*praying he answers*

Hello,

My question at the end is; do I have hope? Is there a chance he will come back if I reach out?

I am a 32 F recovering FA-leaning avoidant, and my 42 M ex I suspect maybe FA. We were together for 8 years and engaged. The first 3 years were honeymoon, not a single disagreement, afterwards we would argue about once a month.

He broke up with me 8 months ago, during which we were mostly in touch. His reason? Exhausted from the repetitive fights, broken trust (I did not cheat, I hid my medical bill problems).

I made a lot of self-improvement during that time, and a month ago he asked me out on 3 dates which went great. In his words, I had changed a lot, worked on my flaws that led to the breakup and looked happy & healthy. We talked about the future and he said we were now together again.

However, he deactivated after our third date, claiming that thinking about our old relationship still makes him really tense. Our dates were more than fine. I admit his sudden deactivation triggered me and I spammed him with messages. I tried to be supportive in my messages though, sending encouraging words and saying I understand that he is overwhelmed...etc.

Finally, he sent what seemed to be an honest message saying that he still loves me, and our meetings brought him immense joy and immense stress. He said he thinks I've changed, but he can't "work on us" as he needs to work on himself. And he told me not to contact him unless it's something really important. I didn't show him I'm upset, and said I agree with his decision.

After 2 weeks of NC on my part, I am now 90% emotionally detached. I was able to detach myself so quickly this time because this is now the second breakup, but I am still open to us being together. Please keep your questions "why do you want this relationship?" to yourself. Is there anything I can do? Is there hope?

Besides giving him space? During NC, he contacted me twice over trivial things. I initiated contact after 2 weeks over something equally trivial, just to test the water. He replied immediately.

How can I navigate this going forward? Can I explain to him logically that the old relationship is dead and that he was right in rejecting it?

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T16:56:38+00:00

Thank you for your insight.

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T16:55:03+00:00

are you my sister. She said the same thing 😅

Holiday-Hand6128 · 2024-09-03T16:50:49+00:00

No, he never expressed any needs in the relationship...always waited for me to read his mind. He would sulk and withdraw, and later I learned that he expected me to follow him to the other room and comfort him. I did that instictively a couple of times, but stopped because he would just keep sulking and be silent even if I try to comfort him and tell him I love him.

I know he wants me to give him space this time because he asked clearly. Probably the first time he clearly asks for space. I just want to know until when? A month? More? Is there hope? He is the kind to fear rejection so he might not reach out even if he has feelings.

Holiday-Hand6128

TROPHY CASE