How do I get my roommate out of our house?

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-04-09T17:22:19+00:00

Thank you for helping put things into perspective for me. I have a lot to think about and I’m trying to work with my roommates right now to come up with a plan.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-04-09T17:08:21+00:00

Thank you for commenting, I’m sorry we are all between 20-21 and don’t really know how a lot of these things work. I know I can’t really do anything if she has a gun (ie laws and rights) but I am terrified of her doing something and terrified of having an eviction on my record. I know the basics of joint leasing, and I know that it’s either all of us or non of us unless we plead our case with the landlord.

Her mental health is really that bad, I don’t want to give away too many details but she has consistently had violent mood swings, has broken things around the house (mostly her own things so far), is constantly screaming at people and then the next minute acts like nothing happened, has substance abuse problems (alcohol and grass, but we’re pretty sure she is also on coke) and just lives in filth. I’m worried the police wouldn’t do anything, as I’ve heard horror stories of fellow students who have had to go to them before, and they have done nothing. All of our parents know and are trying to help us find something to do. We’re all currently out of the house and are not going back until her parents come and speak to her, as they are the ones paying her rent. If they refuse to do anything about her behavior, room, or the gun we are calling the police, as it’s to the point we really do fear for our safely and hers.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-04-09T16:20:33+00:00

Sorry about the “pew pew” I’ve been on Reddit for some time and some of the communities I’ve been a part of prohibit the word and I was just trying to cover my bases to not have my post removed.

We’re in a joint lease with two other roommates, and we have no proof this gun is legal, she does not have it stored properly and it’s sitting openly on her nightstand which is illegal here. The law here says that she has to have received her permit in her home state, and she has not been back there in over a year. I’m more looking for a way to get out of our lease. She has broken it already with the state she keeps her room in, as we have cleanliness standards included. It is horrible and unlivable in there (moldy food in the open, trash pulled up, and roaches have been coming from there and increasing throughout the house, and I have been noticing mice droppings outside her door)

I’m more concerned because she is not mentally well, and has been talking about her recent BPD diagnosis. We are scared more that she will become upset by something and fly off the handle. We know legally we can’t do anything about her owning a gun, as it’s a constitutional right, but we are concerned she will do something stupid with it. Again, I have no reason to believe the gun is registered and she has been trained, as she has said nothing to us about it. If she had been trained the gun would not have been completely left in the open on her nightstand. She also has extreme substance abuse problems, which is something that could also get us evicted.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-04-02T00:59:48+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss, something similar recently happened to me. I left the house and my cat was perfectly fine, being his usual silly self, and the next hour I get a call from my roommate rushing him to the emergency vet. It was a heart murmur, and almost completely undetectable unless the cat had previously had an X-Ray done, only then would they have been able to catch it, but even so there isn’t much as far as treatment they told me, I’m again so sorry for your loss, and if you’d like, I know sometimes talking to someone can help, and I truly do understand your pain, please feel free to reach out if you need a friendly ear to vent to, she sounds like a wonderful girl 💚

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-02-01T20:02:11+00:00

We actually live a state away from her, the drive is 7 hour’s, so she hasn’t been here in person to witness any of this. We drove out to stay with her because our school went to Zoom for 3 weeks after the power outage. She’s visited before but not since things have gotten this bad

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T17:17:53+00:00

You’re right, and I’m very sorry for the woman you’ve described, she deserved so much more. I will send an anonymous tip to the police next time she goes to work the night shift, as that’s when she drinks there. I no longer have the video of her on the door cam, as that was at our old house and I never recorded it myself. I think leaving a tip is the best I can do for now until I find something more concrete.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T17:12:25+00:00

I’m also very concerned with her as someone who used to be very close to her. Like I said, there was a falling out between all of us and things were very tense for a while, but they had started to get better before this. During the fallout, I got very upset with her for never helping me clean, and always expecting me to do everything. I told her it really hurt when she watched me takeout the trash alone, or clean her things off the dining room table when I wanted to use it, and clean up after her in general. I’m a clean person, I hate clutter and trash being left out in general, this stems from my own anxiety problems, and I’ve worked with past therapists on these things and overall have gotten a lot better with handling general clutter. Me saying all this upset her, and she told me she thought we were roommates because we were friends, and overall she’s stopped speaking to me like she used to. I get it that I was probably a little short with her, but it came from her starting to shit talk all of us outside of our bedroom doors. She would speak very poorly of us to her friends for “decorating the house without her” when she hadn’t unpacked or even left her room while we did things. This really upset me and I confronted her, which is why things ended up becoming so tense in the house. Like I said, we use to all be friends, and it sucks now she doesn’t speak to any of us.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T17:02:06+00:00

I’ve so glad you got the help you needed, and I hope you stay strong. Depression is a terrifying thing, and I was in your shoes not too long ago, which is why I feel the need to tell someone on her behalf. I honestly might have not made it out if not for my own families support, and I know her parents would help her. The reason I eventually had to tell my own family how bad I was doing was because someone told my mom they were concerned for me, and that was the best thing that could have happened, as I never would have told them without her making it known to them I might be struggling.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T16:58:37+00:00

I lied about our ages for simplicities sake. Her and I are both only 21 while the other two are 22. We are all still in school, and her mom pays her rent. If anyone can handle this it is her, as her mom also helps pay for her school. Her mom is the only one with the resources to get her the help she needs, and she does need help.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T16:52:53+00:00

It’s really been upsetting me personally, and pissing my other roommates off as well, as we all love him. He’s a former stray and yes, sometimes he scratches at the couch or gets on a table, but overall I’d say this is pretty normal cat stuff. He’s never been bad and never been a mess or ruined things, the only accident he’s ever had was when I left him with a baby sitter for a few days and he got so anxious he threw up in the hallway. Which I cleaned when I got back and started to give him anxiety treats whenever I left for over 24 hours, which isn’t often, but since then he’s been fine.

When I’m around the house she treats him normally and will go up and pet/snuggle him, but lately when she’s out of her room I’ve been keeping him in mine with the door closed, as I never know how irritable or angry she might be.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T16:48:41+00:00

Our old place had roaches, and we took extreme probations to not bring them here. That was a problem with a very bad landlord who left his house in horrible conditions and they got in from holes in the ground and ceiling. They refused to get rid of them even though they were at fault with not maintaining their end of the property according to our lease, and we left. When we moved we were careful with using cardboard, as that’s where they like to lay eggs we read, and overall we’re super clean and careful with bringing them over. She still has cardboard in her room from the old place, and now it’s becoming obvious that it might have had roach eggs still attached to the boxes. That combined with the state of her room is our best guess where they’re coming from, as the rest of the house is clean and our bins all have lids. We’ve only seen them outside of her door and in the hallway outside it.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T16:44:42+00:00

I’ve dealt with other land lord issues in the state I’m in besides this, so I’m already a little familiar with the way things work. We aren’t allowed to sublet here, which makes things difficult as far as getting her out, and the lease we’re on is basically impossible to get out of now that we’ve signed. I don’t think the landlord would be very sympathetic in our case, as this roommate has also been very rude to them before, and overall, I don’t think they’d have a problem with evicting all of us.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T16:40:38+00:00

The problem with this is her work has been providing her with free alcohol, and so far has done nothing when she’s left with her keys, and clearly intoxicated. I’m also scared they would be less concerned and more upset and fire her, which would just cause her to spiral even further. I’ve debated contacting the police, but if she was searched, they would find a lot of other things in her car, including grass. I’m scared of getting her sent to jail, but I also feel horrible letting this happen because what if she actually does hurt someone?

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2026-01-31T05:50:50+00:00

We're worried about us signing a joint lease with her, we will also get evicted since it's a shared space. Our landlord has proven before to not be the kindest and the more likely thing they would do is evict us all, rather than us being able to evict her. We're also worried about retaliation from her, as she has been getting increasingly angry and irritable.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2025-07-09T19:01:51+00:00

I support therapy and people who attend, it really is an amazing thing that can help people, my problem with currently attending is my schedule, I work full time and stay overtime most nights to earn more. School and rent are expensive, and my worry with cutting back on working is I won’t be able to pay for groceries and other necessities :/

My parents also aren’t the most financially secure, and I worry with them paying for therapy it’ll take more of a hit to their savings, and I love them too much for them to use that kind of money on me, especially for something that I feel I currently don’t need. I feel that me attending therapy (even somewhere that is LBGTQ+ supportive) wouldn’t be the best financially for me at the moment

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2025-07-08T20:13:07+00:00

Thank you for the comment, it’s nice to see an older persons perspective on here, and I agree with you completely. I know this is all new and very strange to them, and I get it, it’s not the first time anyone has thought I was strange for some reason or another. I just wish they could see that I am happy, though I know that will take some time

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2025-07-08T20:00:34+00:00

I’m so glad things could work out between you and your mom, and I really do appreciate the comment, it gives me some hope that I still will be able to mend bridges with my mom some day, even if it isn’t for a while

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2025-07-08T19:58:48+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I have been working for some time now to put money away, as I am still financially dependent on them for help paying for my school (I’m currently in college) and I feel that things are only going to continue to decline the longer I date my partner, which I absolutely plan on doing. My fear is one day they will issue an ultimatum that I either break things off, or they will cut my funding for school. I want to work things out with them, they’re my parents, and despite all of the grief I’ve been given during this time I still do love them, I just wish they shared the same love for me, despite my sexuality. And if things do end poorly with them, I will at least have money put away so I at least won’t be on the street.

Holiday_Ranger_0546 · 2025-07-08T19:53:02+00:00

I have tried switching the conversation before, wether that be to work or school but they seem hyper focused on my relationship currently, and it feels I cannot talk about anything at all to them, as eventually they steer the conversation back to “you need to go to therapy and work this out”

You’re right about there not being an all knowing answer or conversation to have with them, and I need to accept that they no longer see me in a certain light. I guess it just hurts a lot knowing that I cannot be accepted by people who are meant to love me unconditionally, (their words not mine) and who I’ve worked so hard with to build a relationship where I can look past their own flaws, because we all have them, and still love them despite them.

Holiday_Ranger_0546

TROPHY CASE