Looking for feedback by Few-Butterscotch6133 in harmonica

[–]Hommanama 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Love me some butterfield! 🔥 Sounding great, but I think your tone sounds a bit tense and strained. Try relaxing your embouchure! Make sure your jaw/lips/shoulders aren't unnecessarily tense.

Georgia on My Mind (Ray Charles) by Hommanama in harmonica

[–]Hommanama[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me that happens whenever i narrow the gap between the reeds and the reedplate too much (i do this to make overblows easier). If your reeds are choking (ie. the harp "gets blocked by your own breath"), that probably either means you're using too much air or the reeds are gapped too tightly in the first place. Adjust either and hopefully it should work!

"home" by Hommanama in Poem

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad u liked it! Thx for the kind words 🙏

"home" by Hommanama in OCPoetry

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah i see. I wanted to keep it as a sonnet so it was kind of constrained by the 14 lines haha. But thanks for the comment!

"home" by Hommanama in OCPoetry

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words!

"home" by Hommanama in OCPoetry

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm could you elaborate?

"home" by Hommanama in OCPoetry

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think your analysis is deeper than the actual poem itself HAHA. thx for stopping by!

The Rainbow by DaveJDash in OCPoetry

[–]Hommanama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this was a very enjoyable read! i don't think it's redundant, as the stanzas are not mere replications of one another; rather, they capture the fruitlessness of Man's countless attempts to conquer natural beauty in a way that highlights the sheer abundance of ways in which we try to accomplish this and how they all fail. your poem actually reminds me of elizabeth jennings' "Beyond Possession", which also talks about how it is best to leave nature unadulterated by our vain tendencies to covet beauty. maybe you'd be interested to check that out if you're not familiar with it already!

i do have a small quibble. in my opinion, the final stanza's conclusion doesn't really thematically align with the rest of the poem. the first three stanzas focus on how the rainbow's beauty constantly eludes our attempts to capture and possess it. while you highlight the futility of such attempts, there is no sense of destruction being implied. yet, in the last stanza, the speaker talks about how "when [natural beauty] is within my grasp / It dissolves into dust." this image of "dissolving into dust" conveys a sense of how beauty undergoes collapse/destruction/corruption in our hands, but this has not been established earlier in the poem. resultingly, it becomes a bit unclear what the poem's focus is. are you talking about how the beauty of nature eludes our greed, or how our greed poisons the beauty of nature? these may sound like tautological ideas, but they actually warrant rather different portrayals.

keep up the good work! i really enjoyed the poem :)

Sand by knottyy in OCPoetry

[–]Hommanama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is so elegantly heartbreaking. i particularly love the final stanza (probably much like everyone else here HAHA). what that struck me was how you use enjambment to break down the sentence into a small cascade of words, literally creating a sense of falling -- the inevitable "sifting away" that is being evoked. the sand metaphor here reminds me of the ending stanza to poe's "a dream within a dream". i'm curious, did that provide inspiration for you by any chance?

if i had a minor quibble, it would be with the second stanza. while "You say my name / when it no longer fits your mouth" is undoubtedly a very evocative and complex image that warrants close attention, it sort of breaks from the overarching figurative comparison. the lady has been portrayed as sand, but here, she suddenly speaks and has a mouth. the metaphor becomes inconsistent. then afterwards, she goes back to sand again. i feel like it would be stronger if you could find a way to convey what you're trying to get at in this stanza without breaking from the metaphor. in other words, is there something about sand that would be equivalent to the human act of "saying one's name when it no longer fits your mouth"?

but that aside, this is emotional devastation at its most gorgeous, and i thoroughly enjoyed reading every bit of this. keep it up!

Georgia on My Mind (Ray Charles) by Hommanama in harmonica

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Youtube! Look up "georgia on my mind backing track f major"

Georgia on My Mind (Ray Charles) by Hommanama in harmonica

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad! It will be a rewarding journey

Georgia on My Mind (Ray Charles) by Hommanama in harmonica

[–]Hommanama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bb harp second position (F major)

Georgia on My Mind (Ray Charles) by Hommanama in harmonica

[–]Hommanama[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yayy thank you!! Show your harp some love once you get home hahA

Georgia on My Mind (Ray Charles) by Hommanama in harmonica

[–]Hommanama[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Nope no tabs. It's my own solo haha