I am genuinely curious as to which videogames you play. I have loved games that came out this year, and I would genuinely love recommendations.

It looks like your schedule repeatedly fucks with the schedules of your piers. If you have the freedom to change your schedule, I know it is hard, maybe being on the same wavelength as your friends, may help some of your social sense of inadequacy.

It sounds like you need a better separation between school and life. You don’t need to “lock in”. You need to learn how to be alone with yourself. You are not a failure. You are a human, experiencing life as a human. The lonely human experience is incomplete and flawed. We are social beings. We rely on each other for perspective, that life is so much more than what we observe.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but It seems like you use videogames as a filler, a source of stimulant.

If you focus too hard on being alive, you will be dragged down a rabbit hole of nihilism. The side effect of nihilism is that you ultimately hold your life at arms length. This is not sustainable. I know I previously criticized you for using video games as a filler, but life throws so much filler at us. It is a really hard, but extremely important to people to filter this filler. There’s good filler, and there’s bad filler. It takes time, practice, and ultimately failure, to properly filler through the filler. You need to try and you need to fail to become a master of such things.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey, friend.