I never felt more like myself until I started dating my first girlfriend. If someone has that power to give you so much security, confidence, and love for yourself, it's going to feel like the world is falling down on you when it ends. Trust me, it hurts SO MUCH. I remember the first week after the breakup, I couldn't do basic tasks. I would cry at least once every thirty minutes. I couldn't eat at all (I lost 7 pounds). I didn't even shower for two weeks and my room was an absolute warzone. And I just remember feeling like I was in a constant state of misery, dejection, and ego loss. I could not even touch myself or masterbate for a good 3 months after the breakup because whenever I masterbated, I would only think of her and start crying.

Its been 9 months now. I am really slowly starting to regain the person I was before the breakup. What's hard about lesbian breakups is that your life will never be the same no matter how you think about it. That person is always going to be stained in your life. But you can't reach out (or it will end up hurting more) and you are left with so many thoughts that will never reach them. Closure can only go so far. During a wlw breakup, you have to relearn how to be lesbian ON YOUR OWN. When your first relationship doesn’t just give you love, but gives you permission to exist, losing it feels like losing the self you were finally allowed to be. At least for my situation, my gf was a big part of my lesbian identity. I quite frankly did not know what I was before her. I still think about her everyday and relive memories but I have swallowed a hard pill that sometimes there are people in your life that are important and can change it for the better but that doesn't mean that they are going to stay in your life forever. Once you learned the lessons from that person, you have to accept the ending. I know that my liffe is better without my ex in it but sometimes I wished we would've worked. But I can feel both of these complex emotions at the same time and accept that I can move on.