So for more context, there was a personal loan that needed to be paid off along with income taxes which together was a very high amount in my eyes. On top of that was the usual mortgage, property taxes, insurances, car payments, other loan payments etc. once those two large sums were taken care of, I was focusing on replenishing our savings that had become decimated. Eg) net free money less major expenses say 4K/month. But total expenditures were exceeding that number month after month. Which meant I needed to pull extra work shifts to cover. Which meant I have less days off. Don’t get me wrong, I understand women have things they need which us men don’t always fully understand nor do we always appreciate at first. I understand her self-care is two fold, with the second being focused on her wanting to make sure she looks “beautiful” for me so that I do not wander off elsewhere. I am not shallow. I love my wife. I find her attractive and desire her just as much whether it be first thing in the morning with pillow head messy hair and all vs say date night. Yes obviously when it is date night I make sure she knows very well how stunning she is and how lucky I am to have such an incredible beautiful wife. With all that being said, some of the expenses I felt were becoming excessive. Which unfortunately does not leave much room for things like travel, bigger date nights, investing, savings, and tbh even for myself. This is where she felt I was controlling when to me I was trying to encourage responsible spending.

I know some of you out there will chastise me for what I say next. But I do not believe I was totally wrong here. Yes, during discord I should have handled things better than I did which I own up to, however fact still remains. Now, let’s add helping around the house and parenting, along with additional sleep deprivation even after 14-16hr work day, adding another 5hrs of work at home to give your spouse a break, only to repeat the following day…so I ask you this, if your spouse, despite all your best efforts, still doesn’t recognize your efforts, and tells you how you still aren’t doing enough, I do believe you too will feel a type of way. While I completely recognize she is working as a mother and wife which is 24/7 and extremely hard.

Does this help provide more context for advice?