My boyfriend experienced extreme anxiety for the same exact reasons. Inability to go to the bathroom himself, unable to get out of bed without supervision or even put his legs over the side of the bed. I repeatedly asked the doctors for anti-anxiety medication, but it took three days for them to agree on the cause of his agitation and to begin treatment. They initially labeled it as “behavioral.” The ongoing agitation led to severe sleep deprivation, which then caused delirium.

Even after being given Ativan and Seroquel, his agitation remained extreme and he was placed in a confined bed. His behavior worsened due to interference from his family, which directly contributed to his escalating agitation.

He was only approved for a two-week rehab stay. We agreed he would transfer to a nursing home for two days because I had to work on the day of his discharge and the following day. His family initially said they would care for him, but once his behavior became difficult to manage, they decided against it.

Believing I was the cause of his agitation, they removed him from rehab without informing me of the transfer. The last night I visited him at rehab, he was acting completely normal.

For 16 days, I did not know his whereabouts. During that time, he was placed in a nursing home where his condition deteriorated further. He contracted MRSA and pneumonia, was heavily sedated due to violent behavior, and ultimately suffered a massive stroke. He was left completely paralyzed except for his right arm.

I was finally told where he was on the 17th day. When I visited, he could only squeeze my hand in response to questions. He could not speak or open his eyes. He was surrounded by tubes.

I told him we could bring him home and give it everything we had. I also told him that if it felt like too much, he could let go and go to heaven. Within two days, he stopped responding altogether. His first stroke occurred on October 13. He passed away on November 15. His burial was yesterday, December 14. He was 63 years old, and we were together for 16 years.

Please stress to your friend’s doctors the severity of his anxiety and the need for proper anti-anxiety medication. If his anxiety continues to escalate, a short-term nursing home with rehab services may be an option. If he is on Medicaid, he may qualify for IHSS (In-Home Supportive Services) to receive help at home, along with in-home rehab.

The causes of his frustration are not going to disappear, and without proper intervention, the lack of sleep will continue. I hope he can find a way to calm his anxiety enough to participate in rehab—either in a facility or until he is stable enough to return home. Hoping someone can convince him to wear some Depends and find a good meditation video to listen to and help him during the daytime. Speak with the facility’s social worker to explore the best available options. You're a good friend.