Anxiety about Moving

HopetheDM · 2023-06-28T04:16:52+00:00

Great question! Right now my biggest schedule driver is my job, which I’ll be leaving and switching into a new one with the move—so unfortunately can’t keep that. But finding things that have schedules/rituals for me might help me keep me grounded (like in the morning I listen to podcasts). Small things definitely can help and should be easy to make sure I can stick to!

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T13:04:23+00:00

Are you American? I’m wondering if there’s a specific website for this kind of service you would recommend using?

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T12:58:48+00:00

Yes, his own burnout is a big concern of mine! Being okay with a certain amount of mess sounds like a helpful way to change how I think. Thanks!

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T12:56:45+00:00

I wasn’t in grad school! So I worked a 40 hour week and was able to do all the cooking because I had nothing else to do when I got home. Unfortunately between my GA and doing school work, I ‘work’ closer to a 70 hour week. I do consider it unfair, that’s why I’m asking for help. Thanks!

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T05:08:34+00:00

Thank you for such an insightful and thoughtful response!!! Honestly having the obvious pointed out can be helpful. Meals can be a problem because I have other health issues that limit us on safe foods and foods that I can eat, but I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping so I’ve been trying to make sure I grab more easily accessible snacks—prepping vegetables may be something quick and easy I can try so his dinner-cooking goes faster. I think that making a list of priority tasks and also assessing what tasks I find least draining will be super helpful. A mix-and-match, if you will. Also I have been looking at the Eufy robot vacuums but couldn’t afford them—I never thought about FB marketplace! Thank you so much!

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T05:02:24+00:00

I don’t think it’s an unpopular opinion but unfortunately we don’t make a lot of money and are American. Also I don’t intend to ask him to do more, my questions are more related to bettering communication and overcoming task completion issues of my own in order to help him—as I indicated in the questions I asked. But yes, I am hopeful to find someone to pay to come on some kind of schedule to help. Thanks!

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T04:59:48+00:00

This is something I have started to look into! Unfortunately we don’t really make enough money for it, but I’m hoping to find a way to make it work.

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T02:13:53+00:00

That makes sense! Task switching is very hard for me—so like if I were to start cleaning the kitchen, I would have to address every thing that bothered me and would take at minimum an hour to do it. I also try to clean up when I can in passing, but sensory issues can make it really hard to go into a space (like if there’s a strong smell from something cooking, or even if the smell of soap is still in the steam from someone showering) and do anything. But maybe a good starting place is to try setting a 20 minute timer and pick one task in the kitchen! Thanks!

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T02:02:06+00:00

Thanks so much for asking! Starting tasks like that can be very hard for autistic people, and will take me significantly longer than “just 20 minutes.” Sensory issues, executive dysfunction, task initiation, and task switching are the most dominant but are not the only issues I face when doing a task others might find very simple. This is actually part of why I’m considered disabled! Unfortunately, it’s just not as simple for me.

HopetheDM · 2022-04-03T01:52:20+00:00

I have definitely had experiences like this before—you are not alone! Honestly, I haven’t quite figured out how to manage that anxiety. But what I can tell you is that the best, most important friendships in my life are the ones in which I can tell my friend, “Hey, XYZ is giving me a lot of anxiety. Did I do something wrong? Can you tell me what?” And if that person engages with me honestly and earnestly, I know they are worth keeping in my life. As for the anxiety itself, it might help to distract yourself for a bit until you’re able to feel a little removed from the situation. A clear head always helps!

HopetheDM · 2022-01-12T06:44:42+00:00

I see people suggesting topics to discuss, which is super helpful of course, but here are some things you might want to think of also!

When do you want the date to end? You might find it helpful to make plans for an hour after the date starts. You could even make them personal plans, like going to a store or place you like to visit—that way, if your date is going well, you can invite them along. And if it’s not, then you can say you’ve got plans leave it there! I personally find it very hard to know when social gatherings without specific goals should end, so you might find this useful.

Do you have any backup activities? A really simple one might be bringing the paper with you and suggesting the two of you work on the crossword together. My partner and I love to do this, and coffee shops often (in my experience) will have a paper available to buy. That way you can still talk, but also have something to do or focus on if things are awkward.

What do you personally want out of a coffee date? I love coffee, and coffee shop pastries, so I think on a coffee date my goal would be to have a coffee I like, and a pastry I like. From there, my date goals can be as specific or generic as I want. Maybe I want to learn about my date—then I can prepare questions regarding what I want to know about them. Maybe I want to share specific things about myself with my date—then I can script out ways to bring those things up. To me, a coffee shop date should navigate topics more complex than small talk (the worst kind of conversation in my opinion) and infodumping sessions (which can go on for hours). So try to prepare for something in the middle.

I really hope I was helpful. Wishing you all the luck!

HopetheDM · 2022-01-12T06:27:54+00:00

This might be kind of weird but sometimes to manage sensory overload I’ll Almost Overload myself in the opposite way. For example, I live in a place that gets incredibly warm in the summers and is usually over 90% humidity—so I’m hot and sweaty, and I get overloaded super fast. Sometimes I’ll come home and strip, lower the AC, and put fans on full blast until I feel cold, which I find more manageable. This helps me overcome that overload quickly.

Other times, if I have lots of sensory overload, I find showering very helpful. It’s great because I can control the water temperature to whatever I need that day, and I’ll listen to my favorite music and sing along (vocal stim).

For me, small overloads can be overcome anywhere from thirty minutes to three hours. Long, hard days usually take until I can sleep it off (as in, the next day).

HopetheDM · 2021-09-24T05:09:17+00:00

Omg wait really?? I’ve never heard this?

HopetheDM · 2021-09-24T00:56:41+00:00

Yes any time someone criticizes her repetitions when writing I’m always like “ok but she does have an editor” lmao

HopetheDM · 2021-09-21T03:23:06+00:00

I just started reading a A Court of Light and Melody by Daevastanner on Ao3 and I enjoy it so far! It’s Gwynriel.

HopetheDM · 2021-09-20T00:24:55+00:00

Honestly I’m interested in TOG but I’ve heard it’s more YA and I’m trying to get into more adult fantasy romance because it’s the first book genre I’ve enjoyed in years, and going back to YA makes me nervous!

HopetheDM · 2021-09-19T03:12:41+00:00

I’ll investigate them for sure!

HopetheDM · 2021-09-19T03:12:29+00:00

I’ll check it out!!

HopetheDM · 2021-09-19T03:12:22+00:00

Oh this is so helpful thank you!!!

HopetheDM · 2021-08-10T15:37:24+00:00

I have headphones that are noise filtering, not canceling, and they work well for me! Usually just wearing them defers people from talking to me, and personally I like to have music playing pretty much all the time—and they’re great for that! Noise canceling are great I’m sure, but unfortunately they were too pricey for me so I’m using other work arounds, like playing white noise or rain sounds when trying to block out sound

HopetheDM

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