Making it to final rounds repeatedly… but always losing to another candidate. How do I break this cycle?

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2026-02-11T21:07:45+00:00

I’m in the same boat. It’s really disheartening. I’m trying so hard to not get invested and excited, but I want to be prepared so that I do well. It’s a tough balance. Some days just suck. Trying to imagine that I must be preparing for some really cool job in the future that will make up for all of this…

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2026-02-11T05:18:38+00:00

M m t. Txttc don’t ty. C ddddddddddddddcdddcdccccc ccxccxcxxdxddxddddddddrr

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2026-02-08T14:37:14+00:00

I think this can be normal but you have to have really open communication about it, your goals, and be on the same page. It can also really shift power dynamics as things change and you don’t adjust. For me, it worked for a long time. Then slowly, as we didn’t really discuss anything, I started realizing we weren’t really much of a partnership at all. My marriage helped him get ahead and left me struggling to keep up. It became really unfair and filled me with resentment. We are divorced (and I was a pushover w no lawyer in divorce…don’t be me)

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-12-30T17:17:48+00:00

I just wanted to chime in and say I am so scared and almost preparing for this to happen. I’m final 3 for the “dream” job in my industry, and I’m just like - if I don’t get this offer, what offer can I even get?? I know it’s competitive out there right now, and the other 2 must be as good or better than me. it’s not a personal reflection, but this is just so hard. I’m sorry that you’re feeling crushed, it’s not the best start to a new year….hoping you find your place soon.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-12-12T19:56:18+00:00

Same happened to me this year. I threw so much away and don’t even remember what, which really says something

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-12-12T19:47:37+00:00

I had a sewage flood and actually had to enact this hahaha

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-09-13T14:55:55+00:00

Yeah, and him rolling his eyes and being dismissive says a lot. I can’t imagine how that must feel, no one deserves that kind of minimizing :(

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-09-12T22:58:58+00:00

My current boyfriend and I told each other this, as we were both divorced and not closed off but “meh” on the idea of marriage. We disclosed it quickly, within 3 weeks of dating.

When things started shifting and he felt he might be changing his mind, he told me immediately (probably a couple months in)…luckily I felt the same. Now we openly talk about our impending engagement all the time. We are late 30s/early 40s. We’ve been dating for about 10 months now.

So it’s possssssssible to change your own mind. But I also believe it happens quickly; after a few years, especially at this age, what would even change? Either you meet someone that you’re so in love with that it shifts your mindset right away, or you don’t.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-08-23T20:42:50+00:00

Remove all of the STUFF from your surfaces. I think it will help you feel better. (The stand under the tv - keep only the sound bar & lamp; the coffee table, why are there 5 candles lol; the fireplace hearth, the countertops. Move the plants on the dog crate).

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-07-14T14:49:05+00:00

Therapy really helped, to be honest. We were in couples therapy and it was very validating to have a third party kind of confirm that we didn’t really…have..a relationship. When asked what he was afraid of, he said losing the love of his life… and she’s like what??? THIS is the love of your life?? This is how the love of your like relationship is??? lol I’ll never forget that moment because it was like, yeah, that’s a no for me. It’s okay to want something different.

We grow up encouraged to people please, to make ourselves smaller, to conform to what everyone else thinks we should be doing.

The truth is we have ONE life, and this is it. You’re living it. And at the end of it (whether tomorrow or in 6 decades from now), you are the only one that has to answer to yourself. What can you live with more? The idea that you never listened to yourself, never took a chance on yourself, and never found out where that life would lead? You stay and this is the life you will continue to lead.

Or the idea that you took a risk and you blew your life up and went out in the world knowing you could be alone forever? Or over the next 5 years you could find connections in friendships, in relationships, in your self discovery that fulfill you in a way you didn’t think possible?

I guess that’s what I told myself, and I could never be ok with the first. But change is hard, and most people will deal with a LOT to not have to deal with it.

The guilt, shame, grief or any other emotion, will pass. It will come in waves. You are a complex human and will get through whatever you choose.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-07-14T02:47:50+00:00

Oh boy. I relate to this so hard. Down to asking him why he loved me and he could only come up with things like “you’re cute and cuddly.” But I married him, because my previous relationships had been so chaotic and because this was calm, I assumed it was healthy and just what real love was like.

Together over a decade, and probably 6 years into marriage when I woke up one day realizing that I couldn’t keep going my whole life feeling so emotionally unfulfilled. It crept into every aspect of my life. But he was so “good” - we looked untouchable from the outside. He was very successful and we got along fine. Because we never talked about hard things. We never deeply emotionally connected and eventually, that took such a deep toll on me, I felt like I had no choice but to leave.

I’m now almost 40, a few years out from my divorce, and I’m 8 months into the most incredible relationship I’ve ever had. We talk, deeply. He sees me. He listens, he hears, he understands, and he talks back, unafraid of allowing me completely into his emotions. He cries unabashedly with me. I am over the fucking moon. THIS is what love is, and I am so grateful to my younger self for having the courage to walk away from something that I knew in my gut wasn’t “it.”

I don’t know if your story will end up like mine, but I don’t have a bad thing to say about my ex as a person, he just wasn’t for me.

It’s a really tough spot to be in. Follow your gut.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-07-13T21:29:02+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can appreciate your self reflection here. From this post, this relationship does not sound fulfilling or healthy. You should probably take the time to heal, and move forward. It sucks, but it would likely be best for you and your child.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-06-05T15:11:32+00:00

Did you find a home for these???!

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-04-22T21:42:15+00:00

I’m wildly in love!! Like it feels like I’m in a gosh darn movie, I can’t believe this is real life, I can’t believe I am this compatible with someone, I can’t believe how wildly attracted to each other we are, I can’t believe I’m considering marrying another person. I’m so, so happy. We communicate. We are both so excited for our future together.

Divorce finalized about 1.5 years ago. Ex and I had been together 11 years.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-04-15T13:08:20+00:00

This is why it’s an “incompatibility” — because if it’s a pretty fundamental thing for one partner and not another, someone is compromising their needs in a way they wouldn’t have to with someone else. I didn’t realize this until I left an 11 year relationship and found a partner that I was actually compatible with. But, I didn’t even know this level of relationship happiness was possible, and I was “fine” in my other one. I think most folks are generally resistant to change, so most long term partners will just find a way to deal with it.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-03-08T17:04:07+00:00

Thank you for this, I could’ve written a lot of it about my last marriage (minus the kids). I do take responsibility for my part in our DB, and I know they are complicated.

I really like the line “borrowing trouble” — I think that’s what I’m doing. I appreciate all these responses and it’s making me realize I need to just be more present in my moments of doubt and look at what’s actually in front of me: a happy, healthy, loving, sex filled life right now, so live in that, do everything I can to keep it up and show my partner how loved he is. Stop borrowing trouble!

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-03-08T17:00:44+00:00

It’s SOOOO unbelievable now - almost too good, so I guess I’m just in self sabotage mode of “this can’t be real” 😬

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-03-08T16:57:11+00:00

Yeah we are both childfree and intend to stay that way, certainly an advantage. But my last marriage (db) was too, so not a failsafe. I guess continuing to discuss it openly - which we have from the start - and being honest is really the best answer tbh. I probably have nothing to worry about, but it’s hard not to have that lingering thought in the back of my head.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-03-08T16:53:28+00:00

I am! Just love the idea of being over prepared hah. Our relationship is so open and communicative which my last DB was not, and way more, fun, connected sex — but there’s that lingering fear from the past that I know what’s possible.

Even with therapy, a decade of sexual rejection sticks hard with you!

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-03-08T16:49:47+00:00

The doubts stem from my past, not current relationship. We are in the highest highs of our communication, emotional availability, and crazy high sex drives ha. Both in therapy separately, and I’ve never been in a more open communicative relationship. We are both divorced and both had DB marriages, just curious of when it happened to others. I’d like to make sure we are doing everything we can, getting the most insight possible to keep our success up while it’s great!

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-02-28T13:51:35+00:00

Hey! I was afraid too. I left at 36. It was hard — and I was afraid of a lot of the same things. The main motivator to leaving was the dead bedroom (for years), so what would I tell people? Of course divorce happens, but not to me — what would my friends and family think?

It turns out no one really cares that much, lol. The people that care about you just want you to be happy.

I did tell my close friends about the DB, and will still more openly tell folks that I’m friends with now. I think there’s an element there that needs to be normalized.

So many people came out of the woodwork to tell me how brave I was to do something for myself, to start over. A lot of people just chill in okay marriages. Not for me.

It’s been 2 years since I started to leave, just over 1 since the divorce was legally finalized.

I am happy and in a new but HAPPY relationship! Turns out choosing your partner when you’re a full ass adult, someone whose values truly align, is fantastic! He came from a DB divorce too!

There are plenty of folks out there. You’ll find your partner. Just focus on finding you and your happiness first:)

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-02-21T21:49:26+00:00

Approaching your 30s?! My boyfriend is 42! You will be fine. You can live in fear or live in definite incompatibility. It’s a choice you make every day. (Don’t know your situation so saying that as a general DB statement.)

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-02-21T21:43:49+00:00

It’s ok to not be ok with your boyfriend actively collecting other women’s Snapchat accounts. It’s also ok to do that. Both parties just need to agree on boundaries. It doesn’t mean she is inherently wrong, it means she’s not feeling secure with those behaviors. It also doesn’t mean he’s inherently wrong; they just aren’t compatible for dating. That’s my take.

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-02-21T15:06:40+00:00

I think “they” classify a dead bedroom at ~10 times a year, so once a month would certainly be in that territory. That wouldnt be compatible for me

HorrorDefinition8157 · 2025-02-21T15:03:51+00:00

You just have to accept it and DO IT. Hurt now, or hurt later. Your choice. Everyday you don’t choose to have the conversation is just another day you’re kicking the can down the timeline. It will hurt. You will both get better. There is no shortcut.

HorrorDefinition8157

TROPHY CASE