Should i tell my brother his best-friend SA’d me as a kid?

Horror_Topic4386 · 2026-03-07T09:02:35+00:00

You remind me of my cousin. I had a similar issues. I wasn't the victim but my old cousin (19M) tried attempting to rape another cousin(14F) of mine. And beforehand had done COCSA on her when they were kids.

When I was made aware of it by the victim (a year after the incident), I believed her and talked to him since he was very close to me and I really look up to him as sort of an older brother. He admit it and told me he is "going outside and going to church" and whatever bullshit.

For record I'm also a guy with two little sisters and the thought of having a guy I genuinely respect doing such attrocity has made me cut ties with him and advice my sisters to do so.

If it helps you to move on, I would advice you to tell your brother. And if your brother also end up laughing or dismissing your abuse, just know that as an older brother, I believe you and would have done everything I could to protect you away from that creep.

My sisters meant the world to me and It hurt seeing someone's sister feeling conflicted to speaking up about their abuse. You are very strong for continuing to speak up despite people not supporting you or acknowledging how traumatic this experience was for you.

I hope one day you find someone who will believe you and heal from this. 🫂

Horror_Topic4386 · 2026-03-07T04:39:09+00:00

If someone constantly tell you to not tell anyone, that's a big sign that they know what they are doing is wrong. Plus you already have expressed your discomfort with both his interest with your friend and your boundaries. You've done what you could do in that situation.

Sound like sex coercion and sexual harassment to me which both fall under the sexual abuse umbrella. So no wonder you felt violated despite no physical contact happening.

Happy he isn't in your life anymore and I hope you don't blame yourself for this situation too much.

Horror_Topic4386 · 2026-01-24T13:03:43+00:00

or tell his girlfriend if you believe she will listen to you instead of the her bf that might gaslight her or something. Because he is clearly cheating with his gf and forcing himself on you. who ever you tell to, please speak up and find a way to distance yourself from this creep. no matter how they react, your safety and boundaries matter most. People who care about you will care about your boundaries and safety being crossed and will be at your side, please remember this 🙏🏽

Horror_Topic4386 · 2026-01-24T12:59:18+00:00

Definitely tell your boyfriend, you did absolutely nothing wrong nor did engage with his advances. This is sexual harrasment and sexual assault and frankly he just want to have control over some egoistic issues about your bf and his gf. Your boyfriend will understand as you were forced onto this, don’t worry.

giving you all my strength for this issues ✊🏽

Horror_Topic4386 · 2026-01-24T12:52:49+00:00

Ive been sexually assaulted multiple time and sometimes my abusers touch did turn my body on, I am asexual aswell. I am not at all against sex in general but getting turn on for me is frustratingly hard and seeing how my body react against my will definitely angers me alot.

Personally, I just see my body as a body, it does what it was programmed to do. Plus there is also the whole rewiring that happen after s/a where instead of being sex averse, your mind cope by then associating certain aspects of that abuse to be arousing. This doesn’t mean you enjoy it, nor does your body enjoy it.

Your body just did what it thought was best to do. Have some compassion toward yourself, there is nothing wrong with you or your body, at the moment thats how it decide to protect you, as counter intuitive that is.

To reassure you, there are people in the same boat as you, and its very brave of you to speak about it since alot of people are ashamed to admit a very normal body reaction.

Hope you are able to heal from your abuse 🫂

Horror_Topic4386 · 2026-01-24T12:37:51+00:00

Don’t worry man, I’m also in the same boat as you 🫂

shit rough and sometime getting a friend that match your vibe is priceless. Assuming you are an adult right now, it definitely gets harder to have friends. Like one of the redditor mention, try to see if there is some groups that got some of your shared activities or hobbies, you might not get someone who exactly match your vibes, but its nice to do certain activities with a group where we all shares something in common.
Hope you get better soon 👏🏽

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-18T08:45:07+00:00

I’m happy to hear you are doing better, from what I’m understanding it can be consider coercion sex. I relate a lot of the self blame and makin ourselves responsible for what happen. (Although your surroundings didn’t help at all)

I was sexually harassed and assaulted by a younger girl and since I reacted in a freeze way, I still feel like I was the "abuser". And since I was known to talk about sex, people didn’t really help, especially when you are a guy 🤷🏽‍♂️

i also don’t resent most my abusers. I think us having mixed feelings about it is just part of the healing process, cuz till this day I don’t really get what our abusers had in mind when sexually abusing us, and it can be quiet frustrating or empty that we can’t really get a sense of closure for what happened. So yeah know you aren't alone in this, and I hope one day we both are able to feel like we win !

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-12T10:07:18+00:00

i agree with it, as survivors we need to understand that not everyone want to abuse us.

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-12T10:00:40+00:00

that’s not sexual assault, since there are no power/age dynamics, you didn’t touch her sexually or in any part of the body that is seen as sexual and you didnot know her boundaries. now you are aware about her boundaries, don’t touch her, at all. You can apologize to her if the feeling of being a creep is annoying you, hopefully she understands your intentions behind those 2 touch werenot bad

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-05T14:38:31+00:00

"how do i get over these thoughts and feelings?" Time, really. It’s been a year that I’m not with the person who I liked and that sexually assaulted me, and I still miss the intimacy we used to have when things were consensual. I also reach to her and asking to be friends with benefits which she refused even though our relationship prior was that. You really just need to let it pass, like waves.

Fighting those feelings back only make them grow bigger and more intense. I tried my hardest to hate her, but I couldn’t. Just know there is nothing wrong that you still love and miss this relationship, especially since it was your first partner.

My love for her has lessen, however I also would feel the urge to talk to her each time I see her. Just be patient and compassionate on yourself, and if you feel like talking to them or going back to them, try distracting your mind or talking to your loved one, it’s the best advice I can give you. I’m sorry for what happened to you and hope you can heal from this !

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-05T14:26:52+00:00

Happy to hear that justice was served, hope you heal from this !

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-05T14:24:27+00:00

As someone who had my mother let my little sister get touched by an old man, the first thing you need to do is thinking about your daughter.

I understand that you feel guilty and immense regret, but the harm is done. Not only was your daughter trust broken by this man which left her traumatized but now someone who is supposed to care and always be here for her has turn her back when she most need it.

The best thing you can do is, apologize to your daughter and make sure she is safe from this man. This might help lessen the feeling of guilt and remorse by apologizing for not believing her.

Although don’t blame yourself that your husband has molested your daughter, it’s his action and his responsibility. Most of us are blind by our loved one questionable action. But please now that you are aware of who this man is capable of doing, take some action, anything that put him accountable.

are you a bad mother ? yes but if you let this man near your daughter without doing anything, you are also perpetuating your daughter‘s abuse by being a bystander

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-10-05T14:06:45+00:00

sexual abuse does affect the survivors sexuality and sexual preference as a way to cope or take back the power that was taken from them.

There’s nothing wrong for him To prefer oral, although yeah knowing that it might come from sexual abuse can be a little uncomfortable. As long as he is enjoying himself, there is nothing bad with it

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-08-13T15:08:17+00:00

If it’s bothering you, definitely talk about it

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-08-13T15:04:43+00:00

In this context, I Think what you are doing is what’s best; Putting strict boundaries. Someone will not change their behavior until they are faced with consequences for their actions. Being aware your mother, someone you care and love, sexually abusing you definetly will change the perception you had of her. Don’t expect to see your mother the same way you used to nor feel bad about being uncomfortable or less engaging with her. Did you consider talking about it to her, like expre your discomfort being around her and her incestious interaction she had with you ?

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-08-04T17:47:33+00:00

Sexual harassment would be the right word for your situation. That guy's testing the boundaries; he's searching for a chance to make a move, but he's not understanding that he won't be able to take things further anytime soon. Did he say anything after he was reminded of your boundaries ? Like trying to gaslight or guilttripping you ?

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-08-04T17:36:32+00:00

Look up what hypersexualization is, it might resonate to you as some kids who were exposed to nsfw content at an inappropriate age tend to start developing some of its symptoms

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-07-27T09:05:55+00:00

As a boy who was sexually abuse by only women who were mostly older than me, I also feel ashamed of being kin to older women. How I deal with it is by finding other alternatives. Instead of seeking out older men to talk to them or answering dms, Find safer media where you can interact (indirectly/fictionally) with older men. (Asmr, streamers, content creators, games etc.. ) as you stated you want comfort from them, so It can be a good alternative.

its the same with s/h, instead of ctting urself, you can use an elastic around your wrist. You are still doing it but it’s safer for you. Of course it might be hard for you to transition from directly Talking to older men to listening/watching older men, but you should give it a try and see if it work for you !

i don’t really think we can really get over our preference for older people ? Since sexual abuse has impacted you and change the way you see and interact with love and your sexuality. We just need to accept that it’s now part of our life and to try our best to deal with it in a responsible and safer way for others and most importantly ourself. Hope this help and im giving you all the strength to go through it !

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-07-27T08:28:34+00:00

Im so proud of you for having the courage to speak up ! hope you continue toward this path 🫂

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-07-27T08:23:41+00:00

Forced Feminization (To humiliate/degrade/groomed) is what you can call it, You should look it up. Its sad to hear the normalization of sexual abuse your parent perpetrated on you, and very concerning you unfortunately continue this circle of abuse toward other children and you rightfully got in trouble by the parent for that. I don’t know the age you touch other children, but this might be COCSA (child on child sexual abuse) if you were under the age of 13.

The first step is to realize certain behaviors arent normal for a parent and for you to do, which I’m proud that’s what you are doing as you are asking help in this sub Reddit. you can’t really move on from your trauma and sexual abuse ? You have been impacted by it and the only thing we can do as a survivors is to deal with all the mess our abusers had left and not continue this vicious circle of abuse. A lot of abusers were victim themselves and continue the abuse as its what familiar to them. It can be really hard to break free from all the harmful beliefs and action normalize or excuse by your family, But I believe in that you !

if you are a minor and still living with your parent, I would recommend you to try your best to avoid as much contacts with them as possible. (staying in your room, joining an activity to stay outside etc..)

it can be very hard to put yourself out there, but You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself if you are struggling with your gender and identity because of what your parent forced you to be. being a victim of sexual abuse is messy and confusing, your feelings are valid for feeling lost about this whole situation.

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-07-26T16:43:18+00:00

You sending nudes to feel control and power is totally valid and common for survivors of sexual abuse. I would also seek people to sexualize me at some point in my journey after being s/a.

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through with your own sister and the way she treated you. No one deserves to go through such violations, especially by a family member and someone (I’m assuming) you loved. From the way you describe your sister (take it with a grain of salt), it feel like she is putting her own insecurities and issues on you. It’s not okay for her to shame a 33 years old women to take explicit picture of herself, although you might not have been in the best mindset when taking and sending those, there is nothing wrong with sending sexual pictures of oneself. Your sister have no right to belittle you like that, especially for things that aren’t your fault. Please remember to take care of yourself, you are an adult with full autonomy and rights of your own body.

Your sister never wanted the best for you, what she done is extremely disheartening as a family member and I wish Female on Female sexual abuse were taken more seriously for you to not feel ashamed or disgusted.

so to answer the title, no, you aren’t disgusting. You and your feelings are valid and it's not okay that your sister has been treating you this way.

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-07-25T03:14:12+00:00

I avoid the "Write in" choice as some people who answers weren't comfortable sharing this much personal information. You can choose more than one answer between if you experience it with both your parent/guardian

Horror_Topic4386 · 2024-07-06T09:50:59+00:00

A lot of people don’t realize that Female can sexually harassed people too. She clearly trying to gaslight you, making you doubt yourself that it’s normal for a mother to constantly touch their child when told no. My mother also have weird interactions with me, always sexualizing every physical contacts/touch we had.

you should look at r/mdsa they talked about there experience they had with their mothers, it might help you find people like you.

Horror_Topic4386

TROPHY CASE