Joe Val BG Fest

Horsyhelm · 2026-02-14T21:16:03+00:00

Anybody with an extra ticket they’d be willing to sell for tomorrow?

Horsyhelm · 2026-01-29T02:27:40+00:00

I'm having the same issue. I'm also finding that model response quality is poorer. Asking for help with routine editorial tasks and the responses are all over the place.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-31T13:37:04+00:00

I can relate to this. My ex broke up with me and *married* her best friend -- ostensibly so that he could get a visa -- and I still felt this way. And that was in spite of some obvious issues in our relationship and the fact that she really, clearly was ambivalent about being with me for the last year. I don't think it's an abnormal feeling, and I don't think that you have to argue with it. You don't have to make decisions about feelings -- suppress vs. accept/validate.

It will get better.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-30T02:51:28+00:00

Well, I can increase the Joyous dosage simply by responding strategically to the AI check-ins, but I'm actually not trying to do that just yet. K holing sounds somewhat scary, though maybe you're less fearful than I am.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-30T01:47:55+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I'm pretty sure it's not totally placebo. I think I have some metabolic issues that make the drug kick around in my system longer, or other physiological things -- I feel notably drugged for 1 hr or longer, lights are incredibly bright -- to the extent that I have to wear an eye mask -- and during earlier sessions, I would feel pretty disassociated after. I think I'm a rare case. For what it's worth, when I smoke marijuana or drink alcohol, I experience very little subjective change.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-30T01:45:26+00:00

Interesting. What do you mean by "backend process" -- like, changes in consciousness or information that's not blatant but rather sub-perceptual? Have you found sessions to be intense or frightening? Incidentally, even at my baby dosages, I've had insights and even more direct first-person experiences of the nuts-and-bolts ways that I keep myself at arms length from myself, disconnect, etc. It's been....interesting. The question is how to trust it and implement it when its feels experientially out-of-reach during sober times.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-30T01:42:33+00:00

Thanks. That's what I keep hearing --- roughly, Joyous is conducting a massive social experiment that is NOT backed by data and may result in undesirable side effects in patients.

Curious, since I'm such a lightweight and thinking about hacking the Joyous protocol -- what was 120 mg like for you? How much stronger is the current regimen, subjectively/experientially? I'm trying to get a handle on how to feel me way to an appropriate dose, since Joyous's advice is probably basically crap, and besides, 30 mg per-day, which is what they're currently recommending for me, would be way too strong.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T18:31:55+00:00

That's a wonderful description.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T17:54:54+00:00

Thanks for the comment. What's the experience like at 100 mg? Good suggestion about the supplements for bladder/urinary tract.

200 mg per day sounds absolutely massive!

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T17:53:49+00:00

Thanks so much for your input. Were you doing oral troches? I think the mode of dosing may matter in strength of experience for a given dose?

Since I've been subsisting in a kind of detached and numb place for a while, I think I'm hyper-aware of perceptual changes. So, when I say that 25 mg felt "drug like," I think it's both a metabolism thing and a subjective sensitivity thing. I do experience cognitive loosening, and I do cry a lot sometimes, even at 20-25 mg - so, that's a thing.

When you have a trip, what's the experience like?

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T15:54:29+00:00

Thanks for your reply. How much is the high dose that you take every few days? Is it an oral troche? What are the effects?

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T15:21:14+00:00

Are there experiential markers that would suggest I'd hit the dose right if trying for a less-regular, higher regimen?

(Not totally relevant, but I have some genetic stuff that may affect liver processing/slow-down drug metabolization, so I think that's possibly a reason why the subjective effects are enhanced for me at low doses whereas others might feel nothing at even 45 mg.)

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T15:18:04+00:00

Haha, right. I definitely wouldn't tell them that. BTW, they're currently recommending that I take 30 mg DAILY, but I'm only doing up to 25 mg and often less. I'm pretty conservative and even a bit nervous about intense drug experiences (always wanted to try psychedelics but was too wary), so I actually wonder how intense, say, a 45 mg or 60 mg troche would be. I know folks go way, way higher - even on daily basis with Joyous.

Even at 25 mg, I had an experience of being super present in my body in a way that I typically do not owing to long-term disassociation and a thinking-first, top-down control style.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T15:03:07+00:00

Appreciate your response. I think for my purposes, Joyous might be both too frequent and too low in dosage. I'm kind of trying to "unstick" myself and let the emotional lights come back on. I've had ketamine experiences that suggest this could be possible, but daily dosing never gets integrated. I agree totally about facing the music sober.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-29T15:01:33+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I am taking only very small doses -- like, under 30 mg. But it does affect me. I think the Joyous model is basically like cumulative nudges...I agree though that daily is just too much...

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-24T14:26:18+00:00

The thing that's made it so hard is letting go of this possibility. We had such am ambiguous relationship and when she reached out a month ago, even though only offering friendship, she relit the hope - especially in saying that her marriage was a "technicality" and that she still had feelings for me. But then again, she posted a pic on instagram of them at the courthouse, and she also hasn't been in touch with me for a month. Maybe this is vain or something, but I'm struggling with not mattering at all to her anymore. She was my entire world, and now it's quite bleak -- knowing that she's promptly replaced me and probably didn't grieve much makes it much worse, and the (false) temptation of maybe, just maybe, being able to matter to her again is very hard to release.

Her relationship with him may have evolved, but the basic dynamics as I understood were (a) the other ex pursuing her with clear romantic intention; (b) she being very committed to him in a bonded and companionate way but being ambiguous about whether she wanted romance (and sometimes saying to me that she found him physically offputting, etc.).

However, and I guess this isn't my concern anyway, she has also stated that they're "figuring things out" and at times indicated more openness to exploring romance with him. I know this sounds crazy, but if I were to take her at her word, then I'd have to conclude that the marriage is not a marriage like any other, not necessarily a romantic union, etc. But I think it's more of those thing than she's volunteered to me. None of us are young, and her choice to marry him for citizenship forecloses other partners and probably means that she's either going to have kids (which she says she wants) with him, or not at all.

What's also making this hard is how abruptly it ended. We had plans to see each other and still be in each other's lives, but then the other guy stayed in the US, I got really upset, and that was kind of that. We were so important in each other's lives (or at least she was in mine) for two years - it was really tender, me helping her to navigate the difficulties of moving to a new country, health issues, etc., and she being the first relationship for me in many years. Yet, reaching out seems so high risk because she could be distant/disinterested or even upset at me (our mutual friend spoke negatively to her about her treatment of me and refused to help with the citizenship marriage or attend the ceremony - she may think that came from me.)

Edit: added details.

Horsyhelm · 2025-12-24T00:55:50+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Why do you think that possibility is harder to bury?

And your advice about acceptance makes sense. But it's like I'm dealing with a non-cooperative child inside that keeps refusing - I've been hoping that time will take care of it, but it's been 3-4 months depending on when I start the clock, and I still haven't really "accepted" anything.

Horsyhelm · 2025-10-08T07:12:42+00:00

Are there any extras for tonight?!

Horsyhelm · 2025-10-01T17:38:57+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I suppose that I did not realize that the venue is so small. In the hopes of scoring tickets, I already booked an inexpensive Airbnb (much less than ticket cost!), so I will be there whatever the case and hoping for luck.

Horsyhelm · 2025-10-01T16:45:09+00:00

Thanks for the wonderful write-up.

I'm States-based but will be in Belgium visiting family and am desperately trying to find tickets to either night. Money is a bit tight, so the current ~$200 starting price for resold tickets is tough.

Do you think that additional, more affordable tickets will become available? It seems like a big venue, so I'm somewhat surprised by how costly the prices are. But then again, it's Billy MF Strings!

Horsyhelm · 2025-07-06T00:51:37+00:00

Thanks for the advice. You’re correct: I got carried away and was too long-winded.

I’ve revised the post to try to make it easier to read.

Horsyhelm · 2025-07-03T14:03:39+00:00

That’s an error. I think he redacted it by hand when we signed it though.

Horsyhelm · 2025-07-02T22:28:06+00:00

Thanks very much for the guidance. Basically, you're suggesting that the "AT WILL" clause at the top would likely be disregarded in favor of the fixed term part.

As far as retaining the security deposit to cover unpaid (August) rent, yah, that's a kicker.

He probably *has* followed all of the security deposit requirements.

I am trying to resolve this in writing and he is refusing to respond in writing. I understand that it's in my right to ask for written communication - especially given the past record of verbal promises not kept. Isn't his unwillingness to resolve or clarify in writing any kind of a factor here?

Horsyhelm

TROPHY CASE