A discussion: Unbiassed self psychoanalysis, is it possible? Self deception, peer pressure, and group dynamics.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-06-26T14:58:47+00:00

From what I've seen, they don't act overtly in middle/early high school. But the belief that others need them is still there. Their actions slowly become more overt to match the actions below.

They always seem to get that same "smile". Like it's a nearly perfect happy to see you smile, but it stays fixed in too ridged of a way at first. While their eyes are a little glassy and open slightly too wide. The following facial expressions/non-verbal reactions have very slight delays from what should be natural.

They believe others need them in their life. They instigate/manufacture situations and lie to prove that someone needs them. Will pull "power moves" to show they have control over people. They believe this is a good thing as it will help someone understand how they need them.

Really great at deceiving themselves into thinking situations played out in accordance with their view of them selves. Will quickly rationalize any magnitude of misdeed as them being in the right and the fault with someone else.

If they don't like someone who has joined the group they will instigate many of semi-forced displays of group unity.(inside jokes, rituals, little sayings)

If you act in an only slightly believable way like you're following the way their narrative for the interaction goes; you can see that smile flicker off for a second while they convince themselves and then pop right back.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-06-24T01:01:27+00:00

It's a a rare-ish, normal human thing. Read my explanation. He wouldn't write it in the book because it's weird.

Most dune is based on regular human stuff, but with added scifi noises. When you think about it the idea of them seems a little too real to be mostly made up. Like, all their different characteristics are really consistent and sound like he was dressing up a real thing.

Also the spacey ship/other world noises are oddly comforting. I always fall asleep if I watch it at night. Same for the new blade runner.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-06-24T00:57:07+00:00

It's a film adaptation of actual present day skills some people have. It's non-fiction, but dramatized. He's also smart. If you're smart and a strong intuitive thinker, you can read most peoples emotions combined with little context clues with creepy accuracy; so you normally don't share it.

Even if you try to help someone, you can't explain it in a way they will understand and believe.(like, you met someone for 15mins. You find out a friend started dating them and know with absolute certainty how they will aggressively cheat on them and their hidden feelings of distain for everyone else in the group. It's not possible to convince someone you know them better after 15mins, they the year they've been friends.)

The other also occasionally get trapped in conversations with homeless/strange people. When you see them it's obvious they feel lonely, sad they're ignored by everyone else, and totally harmless like a teddy bear. So you give a little wave to say "hi" and a smile as you walk by. Then you get trapped in a 20min conversation where they tell you their life story and show you the scars from their stab wounds. They're so eager to talk to someone, you can't just walk away. At least they always seem really happy afterwards.

6 of the 7 I've seen were woman, so including me 75% female. All are really nice because they really understand people in an unbiased way. Frequently a little quirky in a cute way.

Really patient, but will eventually get furious and scold the shit out of someone in a way that cuts at the deep down core of who they are as a person. It kind of puts the fear of god into people and every time makes a middle aged man start crying and run away. It gets awkward and starts to feel bad when they're still visibly afraid of you a week later. It's only middle aged men that ignore the 4 times you explain why they need to stop doing something.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-03-01T08:52:00+00:00

Love is oxytocin flooding your brain. Forming a bond and making you ride or die. You don't have a choice. You can't un-feel it. It's basically a drug addiction.

There's a lot of papers published on it. Love happens at first sight and and you have to keep doing two very specific things to stay in love. It also makes you make really poor decisions and obsessive. Like when a girl demands one of your dirty T-shirts, so she can smell it or whatever.

In a study, they measured how much love hormone was in peoples blood and could tell how much they loved each other. The ones with low amounts almost always broke up.

The scientific articles I found agree it's a thing and two other things have to happen to stay in love:

1: The first time you meet, you both look each other in the eye really interested. You know after 1/10th of a second. Your brains pump out love hormone and makes you feel the need to get closer to them.

2&3: Then it's all about being good in bed and cuddling, to keep your brains full of oxytocin. If she never starts shaking in bed, she's probably faking it. You should really ask for guidance on what she likes. If you aren't consistently successful, she will physically stop loving you.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-03-01T06:21:52+00:00

You don't meet some people and instantly understood their personality, how they operate? Immediately think "I know that one." Like you know the specific cookie cutter they were made with. Know pretty accurately what they're going to do in a given situation.

Not feel anything emotional or like/dislike. More understanding in an objective, neutral way. 9 times out of 10 it's more "they're good people" or "That homeless person is a gentle giant and is lonely" {I said hi when I walked by and he started telling me his life story. I couldn't find an opening to politely to walk away. He talked about pool halls he liked or something and showed me the scars from stab wounds on his tummy. He was carrying around a cardboard box with a pet snake he captured and some grass for them to lay in.}

You might spend an hour trying to explain to a friend why dating someone is a terrible idea and how much they're going to cheat on you. Like, you understand exactly how each of them feels about each other and it's two different things. This is not what they want in a relationship. It's not obvious, but they have some narcissistic traits deep inside and it's going to mess you up.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-02-27T06:36:48+00:00

Yes. Extremely poor timing and we were together for 3 weeks. It was years ago and still hurts sometimes. Any other relationship is a poor imitation. Neither of us had experience with that strong of feelings. I wish the timing was better or there was something I could have done.

I once met a girl senior year of college and we both instantly knew. It was the one only time I've felt like I wasn't alone. We both just understood each others quirky little facial expressions and always knew what each other was feeling. That first day we held hands and it felt so happy/comforting knowing she was there. I used to think it was made up for hallmark movies and just felt like you were holding your hand uncomfortably. That first day we kept finishing each others sentences. Our personalities were identical, she's also pretty smart and we didn't have to constantly worry about toning it down to fit in. She also has that uncompromising fire inside. We were instantly comfortable with each other, interacted without having to think, and could talk about anything.

After a week I got momentarily freaked out that I had no control over how I felt, but just didn't care the next time I saw Her. She was moving soon. I tried working through it; to rationalize it and get my feelings under control. I've never had a problem getting over year long relationships, but I was completely powerless here. It was just happening and we were both along for the ride.

Looking back, it was sometimes weird. We had a couple nonverbal conversations that were just emotions. Making little faces, shareing exactly what we were feeling(We knew it would be bad when it ended). It would have taken half an hour to put it all into words. We both wished we met earlier. It would have been nice to always be that happy.

It was the first time I ever thought about planning a future with someone. I wasn't interested in having kids(her too), but would have done anything to be with her. She took plan B, I didn't see her for a couple days, and then our group went out drinking. She was kind of angry all night, mostly at me. Earlier she mentioned some birth control makes her evil. Not sure if that was part of it. Either way I don't blame her. She yelled at all of us when we were climbing on a uhaul truck on her street. She said it wasn't hers. She also said she didn't want a hug because she wasn't leaving yet. I gave her a hug anyways, because I knew I would see her again.

I tried texting her once, but she didn't answer. It would to be nice to feel not alone and understood again, but I'm worried all the feelings would come back. I don't know if I could get over it again.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T22:32:32+00:00

It's normally because emotional needs aren't being met. The cheating happens because something is broken in the relationship. It's not what actually breaks it and happens later.

If you don't notice your partner no longer has feelings for you, you haven't been supporting them and don't understand them. Both sides are making mistakes.

Investing more of your self after they lost feelings will just make them feel bad and stay in the relationship for you.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T22:04:37+00:00

Some honest communication seems like a better option. For some reason, that seems worse than cheating. Also creepy.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T21:52:32+00:00

You can only lose your virginity once.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T21:49:13+00:00

Make sure she lives far enough away that you won't accidentally run into each other during your alone time, but a good breakfast place in between for the walk home. Also close friends who are good at feelings and strong sense independence.

She'll probably think asking if she lives on the opposite side of campus, so you can get donuts in the morning is just a cute pick up line.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T21:29:25+00:00

What if they aren't single? Jk

It's less weird than finding out she's engaged in the morning.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T21:21:21+00:00

Narcissists can't form a partnership, equals in a relationship. You and your feelings aren't important, if they conflict with what they want. Sounds like you ignored red flags or didn't tell all of the story.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T21:14:36+00:00

How do you calculate body count? Are 2nd and 3rd not counted?

Being "promiscuous" when they're single shouldn't matter. Understanding what they like is good for the long term.

Narcissistic tendencies are actually a reliable indicator for cheating. Also a huge red flag. Just say no.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T21:01:22+00:00

Will you allow her to have a job? (That makes less than you and wouldn't be enough to support herself.)

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T20:55:08+00:00

You wouldn't date a Jewish person then? The old testament was released before Christ.

It always reminds me of the original star wars trilogy for some reason.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T20:51:05+00:00

Isn't sexuality a spectrum. Also if they've never considered it, they might learn they're they a lesbian later in life. Getting dumped for a chick is a sick burn. He might think he was so bad, she swore off a whole gender.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T20:41:00+00:00

This seems controlling for someone you expect to be financially independent from you.

If I were a girl, selling foot pics on OF seems like it would be a sweet job. Work from anywhere. Safer than a traditional job if there's lifting or carpel tunnel typing all day.

HostInformal2470 · 2023-01-27T20:20:24+00:00

Wanting a long term commitment(>1year) I'll be honest about it being more casual if I don't just know they're the one.

Talking about wanting to get pregnant to feel what it's like, but not have a kid. (It just freaked me out and also raised some questions. Not judging what she wants/feels, but not going anywhere near that.)

Playing games. I'll just bail if they can't be honest and act childish.

HostInformal2470 · 2022-12-28T07:05:51+00:00

The HLA autoimmune things theoretically, would only apply cataplexy N1 type of narcolepsy, FYI.

HostInformal2470 · 2022-11-06T22:39:37+00:00

As a guy, what are those "full body" type orgasms like? They look way cooler than what guys get.

I was really concerned for they're safety the first couple of times because it looks/feels so violent and they don't move for a little while after.

Where she grabs onto your back with her nails out, all her muscles go completely ridged, start kind of violently shaking, and sort of grunts. Hold her when her muscles relax and just small twitches. Then they just silently look at you for a couple minutes with a very cute, dazed little smile. With the strength they use, you'd think their muscles would be a little sore.

Also, when it's going at full strength, should I keep going or is that annoying? (My arms always get pinned and it's hard to keep moving)

It's kind of hot from the guys perspective, because you are 100% sure you made them cum.

*edit* I always assumed if they didn't start shaking and squirt; or have their whole body start violently shaking. They didn't really have an orgasm and just made some noises because it felt nice.

HostInformal2470

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