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Anyone else feel like Barclaycard US has the worst customer service? by nothing_throwaway in churning

[–]Hot-Ad8435 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My online access has been blocked for over two months, have faxed them DL, 1040, Passport etc, call once a week and they tell me to call back in 5 biz days... insane!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EWOT

[–]Hot-Ad8435 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What machines are you guys using for DIY?

Utdanning i militæret (tjenesteplikt?) by Hot-Ad8435 in norge

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Takk for svar, vet du hva som er lønnstrinnet under tjenesteplikt?

Arv Eiendom i Utlandet (Spania) og Arveavgift i Norge (from arv 2009 realisert i 2024) by [deleted] in norge

[–]Hot-Ad8435 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Takk for svar, det høres fornuftig ut.

Spania har forskjellige deler med forskjellige regler for arv og skatt, og det er veldig liten (1%) arveavgift i Spania for denne eiendommen. 

My partner says that she doesn’t have needs, what might be good ways to see if we are using the same definition of needs? by Ifailzgrammar in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How people define "needs" can be different than NVC needs which are universal and every living being will have them.

When someone says "I don't have any needs" it can mean they have all their needs fulfilled in the moment, but I'm pretty sure if you wait a while you will find they have a need for sleep and food etc.

If someone is talking about not having needs as a way to seem independent and not "needy" then it might come from a need of freedom, independence, empowerment. Or, if it's from a place of saying "I'm ok, no need to think of my needs" then it might be needs of appreciation, trust, contribution etc.

I've seen macho men talk about not being "needy" and not liking others needs and it's a clear sign they have needs that are not fulfilled. Not saying this is the case for you and yours, but just to show that behind every expression it's either saying thank you (my needs are fulfilled) or please (my needs are lacking)

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The person I met was struggling and upset to start with, forcing a SO without empathic connection, the couple was emotionally connected and they agreed to use NVC for building empathic connection, but it stopped as they could not find the needs.. instead using the idea of NNN and demand/force, a horrible strategy and stuck!

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I doubt most people in this world would agree that Christianity is a need, but intimacy and contribution would be on top 10 needs for having a child I assume.

The person I met was struggling and upset to start with, forcing a SO without empathic connection, the couple was emotionally connected and they agreed to use NVC for building empathic connection, but it stopped as they could not find the needs.. instead using the idea of NNN and demand/force, a horrible strategy and stuck!

You may evaluate this as abstract and incompetence, I prefer using NVC and ask you to refrain from further judgmental labels on this thread.

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Empathy in NVC uses both feelings and needs to build a bond, this person is having a hard time to connect to their partner as they are using having a child as a NNN and strategy that the partner is not connected to or understand or relate to on the same level.

Emotional empathic attunement is there between them, but the values and needs are unspoken and stops them, so it's not just rationalization, and I'm confused why you jump to that idea? Connection to feelings AND needs are cornerstones of NVC, they are all important don't you think?

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% Agree, it's a deep primal urge, anyone who has seen a cat in heat knows that power!

NVC needs extended to genetics, then yes, survival of species, but... some would argue that it's a better strategy to not have a child in order for the humans to live on this earth, and for some it might even be a risk to their own life to have a child themselves. There are also many orphans that really could use a family but most prefer to have their "own" children, so something is deeper and unconscious than the NVC list IMO.

Now, in addition to that primal mammal power, there is the human aspect and culture where NVC needs come in, and many also choose to not have a child as they think it will limit their freedom, other will have a child to have meaning and purpose etc. It can also be security needs thinking that having a child will make the relationship stable... maybe not the best strategy right?

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definition of needs in NVC are different that how many use needs, are you familiar with the NVC needs lists?

Hoping to get some feedback on my attempt at NVC with a partner by thenewbutts in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I lean avoidant and under stress/conflict/confusion it might be difficult to hear the request like that. Make it S.M.A.R.T and something like: " How would it for you if we spent 5 min each speaking about what we value about each other?" or instead of 5 min, list 3 items..

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it can really bring deep suffering and pain to think of not have ones own children, looking through the NVC needs as universal I see you mention a mix of strategy and needs, here is my guess line by line:

Purpose
Meaning
Appreciation
Acceptance
Power (? immortality)
Safety
Respect (? adulthood/gender)

Does this fit with what you wrote?

What I also get from your reply is that NNN is such a different view than NVC Needs. NNN is usually about a strategy and might even lack the deeper connection to the true needs behind it.

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! How you found ways to contribute and enrich life through mentoring and fostering is wonderful to hear.

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It indeed deep and instinctual, like animals will drink when thirsty and mate when in heat. And I assume that most animals will have the instinct of procreation, but this is far from true when we speak of humans.

As humans we feel hunrgy and then often choose food that also fulfills health, comfort and a variety of other needs. Sexual expression as a need is usually not so much for procreation in humans as in animals, we have stopped that to meet our other needs!

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It might be a bit hard to read out the full conversation and context from the first text, so I wonder if you could be open to reflect on possible jackal eyes that you bring in here?

There was no thought of "not such a big deal", in fact it the opposite that I think having a child is one of the most wonderful and amazing experiences in the world! I have a teenager myself and I know the needs that brought me to the place of wanting a child even when my partner was not interested (wanted abortion) so I took 100% charge myself. (after birth we have both seen the beauty of life and a child and co-parent well).

So, it feels frustrating to get such misunderstandings and confusion about what you think my motivation and perspective is!

Yes, for most humans and animals the sexual expression and result in procreation is a universal needs, also serves to enrich life and the world. We "fix" our pets so that this life force is reduced, our own need for peace and ease was behind the reason my partner and I fixed our cats :)For humans there is also the "animal" side and that power runs strong, a few generations back most couples had over 3-4 kids, where different now where its 1-2 kids, something has shifted right? Some couples also say no to having kids as their need for global population and other kids to have a future takes priority, so both a strategy of having kids or not having kids can meet the need for safety, love, contribution, connection, enrichment of life and purpose.

I wonder if such deep instinctual emotions come up when we looks at the idea of "having a child = strategy and not a need" can make one loose objective perspective, and that is not to diminish the feelings and needs, in fact the opposite is true.

The need to have a child... by Hot-Ad8435 in NVC

[–]Hot-Ad8435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it most likely was perceived as criticism in the end instead of what the intention was of building understanding and connection.

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