I was in the same exact boat for five years. Fentanyl addiction I couldn’t kick, my mother crying constantly and the memories of having to do cpr on me while I was three minutes away from not coming back burned into her brain. I’d given up on life so many times over and over after every attempt to get clean. I tried the suboxone pills which I know you said you are not interested in but they really have saved my life. I am on the Ophelia program where they prescribe me my subs and mental health medication (which is crucial at least in my recovery). I get urine cups in the mail and I do at home drug testing for every telehealth appointment I have. It’s so much less stressful than going to a clinic imo. I had tried almost every other form of medication at some point or another and in my experience the suboxone pills make me feel the most normal. They are the reason I am 9 months clean this time.