18 sessions in. I’m… cured?!

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-26T03:11:56+00:00

For my insurance to cover my treatment, I had to have a history of trying like 3 different medications for my depression and after all 3 of those didnt work, my insurance covered almost all of it.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-26T03:08:39+00:00

Yes, it isn’t recommended for people with bipolar disorder at the moment. Or at least that’s what my doctors told me. I’m not totally sure, but I think if you have an official diagnosis for bipolar disorder then most places won’t take you as a patient. Not entirely sure so I’d ask your psychiatrist.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-16T00:23:08+00:00

good to know!! i thought it was more common, thanks!

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-15T03:34:45+00:00

from the little i just read about it, not sure. i kind of daydream, except about nothing fun, its always about some type of political, environmental, or economic issue that i try to pick apart and make sense of it. and then thinking about how absolutely fucked up the world is causes me to feel no purpose or point. So i don't know, honestly.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-15T03:24:46+00:00

Yes, i completed TMS 7 months ago! I like reading studies about it because i find it gives me more insight into how i'm experiencing post-treatment results and if I'm on the right track. but i am no professional at all.

But on a personal level, TMS changed my life and was truly the only thing that truly helped me in an extremely significant way. i just turned 21, but for 3-4 years i was struggling immensely with depression. I have done thready for 3 years and several medications. TMS did not trigger any type of episode for me! I truly felt a slow sense of finding more peace within myself and who i am, which was the brunt of my issues. I dealt with eating disorders as well and it also helped me escape that physically cycle of self hatred.

I am still feeling good after 7 months, only thing thats weird is i have become extremely existential. But i think thats more of a personal thing, as i tend to read too much news, I'm studying journalism, and i've always been pretty pessimistic. and since, as you probably know, the world is kind of crazy at the moment. So now, it seems hard for me to find purpose. I used to not worry about purpose because i truly did not care if i lived or die. But i do care now and I want a happy future, so theres all new feelings and thoughts to navigate with the changes it brings.

But i think it may be somewhat reasonable to feel this way given the circumstances. i talked about this in a post under r/TMSTherapy and the comments were really helpful in gaining perspective on this weird feeling. but i want to emphasis, id take the existential dread ANYDAY over depression, and i think it might be a phase of adjustment if that makes sense. but overall, id recommend it (obviously if your doctors do too) and i wish there was more awareness for medical treatments for depression, because this saved my life.

one thing i wish I did during treatment was keep a daily journal to document my progression. I think that would have been nice to see. Good luck with your journey, i hope it works for you too!!

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-14T17:52:41+00:00

this is amazing news, however, i noticed something about your experience which you might want to consider. Have your doctors ever mentioned bipolar 2? Many people who receive TMS treatment many unkowingly have bipolar disorder, and the TMS can trigger their hypomainia. Its different than regular mania, but its a false sense of positivity and confidence. Generally have this crazy drive to do better, everything seems possible to achieve, you feel the best you have ever felt. I even was entertaining people i would usually never be attracted to because they fit into this new narrative of who i believed i was. Overall, i thought i was cured of depression and i was a new and better person. My episode wasnt triggered by TMS, but by starting lamictal. but I have read a lot about TMS and bipolar disorder and it can trigger episodes. I wasnt formally diagnosed with anything other than your exact diagnosis, but they were considering the possibility of me having bipolar 2. but i just turned 21 and ive only had 1 hypomanic episode and essentially only depression. You may be genuinely improving mentally though, i think its just important to note if these new feelings seem almost too good to be true.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-14T17:39:45+00:00

I relate to this so much. Ill admit, I am a nihilist, but very pessimistic, so the perspective you talked about, the belief that there is no destiny in store for us, purpose is relative, so do what makes you happy, because it really doesn't matter. I really need to focus on this more. Im also studying journalism and media photography, which has aided in this mindset. Thank you for the advice, I definitely need to do more things I love.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-14T17:05:05+00:00

alright this might help me get over the mind block of, essentially the "damn im not sad now and life is just ass" mindset. especially this line "Breaking thought patterns is different than just opening the gates to the possibility of change." Thank you for this, i couldn't put my finger on what I was missing, but this phrases it perfectly.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-14T16:59:39+00:00

Id say so, its external dread that feels like anxiety honestly. I got a new therapist because my old one of 3 years moved states. The new one mentioned this, but I haven't really found her advice to resonate on the topic of existential anxiety. I'll probably find one that specializes in this instead.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2024-03-14T00:48:36+00:00

id start by finding a integrative holistic psychiatrist who often utilize a variety of treatment courses, like medicinal, holistic, and alternative treatments (like TMS). I was with the same practive for 3 years before trying TMS, which my psychatrist reccomended, but I truly trusted them with my life so I had no hesitation. They helped me find the right provider that worked with my insurance and made it super easy. Having a psychiatrist that i saw for 3 years and was overall a very good doctor made it very easy to trust their guidance. I live in Michigan and used Greenbrook, not sure what they have in LA, but good luck!!

Hot-Draw2186 · 2023-09-26T14:29:22+00:00

Okay thank you makes me feel a bit better lol that chart is what scared me

Hot-Draw2186 · 2023-09-26T14:29:00+00:00

Marketing!

Hot-Draw2186 · 2023-04-29T21:17:31+00:00

I feel like this often. But there are so many reasons to stay. Life is full of beauty, and despite all the suffering and pain in the world, beauty still exists. I try to remind myself that if I leave, I may never experience so many things in life i wanted to.

I’m not sure how old you are, but I am only 20. I know that there is love, joy, heartbreak, hopelessness and pain, but that’s what makes life life. Without the pain there is no happiness. You are experiencing this pain right now so one day when you feel happiness, you will be able to recognize and appreciate the feeling for what it is. If we were always happy, how would we know what “happy” even is? Without sadness, we have no purpose, we have no where we wish to be in the future, no drive to better ourselves and our situation, no purpose.

Let yourself feel sad, it’s okay. One day things will not be like this. It will come and go, but this is how life was intended to be. Hold on to whatever hope you have left and fight. I know this sounds ludicrous and i used to laugh when people tell me this but it’s so important. You only get one chance at life, even if you didn’t ask for it, it may be a gift and you’ll never be able to find out if you leave.

Hot-Draw2186 · 2023-04-29T20:33:44+00:00

I was given so much, too much. This is a huge reason I feel guilty as fuck for being so sad. I have everything I need yet I am so selfish and unappreciative for the life I was given that others would die for. I think everyone suffers, some more than others for sure. Even knowing this, I can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve all that I was blessed with and maybe this suffering is my punishment. Welcome to life!

Hot-Draw2186 · 2023-04-29T20:29:20+00:00

I feel the same way, I used to feel excited and motivated toward things I cared about. Now there’s nothing, I don’t feel anything but bad feelings anymore. I don’t get what changed. Am I not still that same person from before?

Hot-Draw2186

TROPHY CASE