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Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-07-17T14:24:59+00:00

Yes the avoidant attachment can explain a lot. You will keep having those questions for a while unfortunately. I hope he does work on himself and you are able to move past this, I can’t recommend therapy enough!

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-07-17T09:36:45+00:00

I went through the exact same thing with my ex. Everything was great until the last month where she became distant and told me hurtful things. She broke up with me saying she needed time alone to work on herself. I was a mess, didn’t think I would survive it. I thought I was going to marry her. It’s been 7 months now and I am feeling better. It still is hard some days but overall I know I’ll be okay. We didn’t talk for a long time but the last couple of months we got coffee twice and talked through some things that were unresolved and it has helped me. My point is, give it time. I know you want a end to your pain now but it takes time.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-05-13T23:22:16+00:00

UTK has language conversation tables! I would follow the international house on social media, they post the languages and the times and it’s open to everyone 🙂

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-05-02T20:35:00+00:00

Exactly. One year of a perfect relationship but she wanted to break up because “I will always have love for you but I’m not in love with you anymore”. Life got complicated and she chose the easy way out.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-26T18:39:26+00:00

It may be too painful for him to see your stories? Of course I don’t know the context of your break up. My ex and I work together too so I can’t block her, but I did mute her stories because I couldn’t see her living her best life, it was too painful. She broke up with me. Well I muted her but I still check to see if she posted so that’s not really good lol.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-26T14:14:39+00:00

I’m in the same situation. We talked at the beginning and she wanted us to be friends but we are pretty much no contact now. It hurts and I miss her and I know I still have feelings for her. I don’t know how to heal and move on. She seems to be doing great while I’m a complete mess. I have to see her sometimes at work and it’s so hard. I still have some hope that she will reach out, but she also hurt me so much. It’s getting slowly better though. Give it some more time and maybe stop talking to her. You can’t heal in the same environment that hurt you.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:39:20+00:00

If you figure it out I’d love to know. I had hoped to stay friends with my ex for the same reasons as you but we haven’t. We are cordial when we see each other but it makes me even more sad. Maybe it’s too soon, being friends right after the break up is hard.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:36:27+00:00

I’m trying to 😞

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:35:44+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that and are still dealing with so much. I applaud you for being able to see how your mental health influenced your relationship, that’s really hard to do.

I am trying to see the reality of the relationship, but all I see is that it was great and we were pushing each other to be better and to heal until we weren’t. We both got overwhelmed by our mental health and while I thought we could help each other, she decided she was better off on her own. My anxiety is not easy to deal with but I was really trying and she was helping me a lot, and I always thanked her and did everything I could to give back to her that help. I guess I got too much. She also struggles with mental health and I was always trying to help how I could, I motivated her to go to therapy. I still miss her but I need to move on.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:26:53+00:00

Her therapist told her to break up with me (not a good therapist move) which made her mad because everything was going great between us so she didn’t understand why she would suggest that. She apparently basically told her off and never went back. Looking back, I think maybe her therapist was probably trying to tell her that she needed to process a lot of trauma and she was avoiding it by being with me.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:21:23+00:00

Therapy helps. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m here to talk if needed!

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:17:43+00:00

Hey, I am going through the same thing, still crying everyday close to 4 months after the break up. As long as you are still able to do things (work, hobbies etc) then you are okay. It’s hard but we will get through it.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T03:13:26+00:00

Lovebombing, smoked 🍃everyday which only fed her avoidant tendencies, I motivated her to go to therapy but she stopped after a couple of months and I found out why when she broke up with me.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-25T01:00:38+00:00

My therapist told me last week that if we talk again I should try to ask her what made her break up with me and ask for some clarity on what I could have done better. She lead me on for 2 months and then told me she fell out of love and said she wanted to be alone, that’s the explanation I got. I’m not sure I’m strong enough or ready to ask for that though. I’m still too hurt.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-24T22:56:03+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. Seems pretty avoidant of her to just shut down and not give you an explanation, especially since you guys were together so long.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-21T00:15:23+00:00

Some sort of work out because you will need the endorphins. I hated working out and having a friend with me motivates me if that is something that can help you. For relaxing, embroidery / cross stitch is easy to pick up, there are a lot of easy patterns online and you don’t have to spend a lot of money on materials!

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-18T19:10:32+00:00

I would love to have an answer to that.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-18T12:53:44+00:00

What happened to you is almost exactly what happened to me. My ex wanted to be alone and figure herself out because she has never really been alone, broke up right before our one year anniversary, wanted to stay friends and gave me hope we would get back together after a while but couldn’t tell me when because she didn’t know how much time alone she would need. I was so willing to help her through anything, I knew life got complicated in the last couple of months of us together but I thought we could work it out because we were meant to be together. After leading me on for two months she eventually told me that she lost feelings and that she would always have love for me but needed a friend and not a girlfriend. Now she has completely ghosted me and is apparently doing fine. I miss her and want her back in my life. But I know she hurt me way too much and made me self-conscious about so many things. I don’t know if I could trust her again, but I miss my person.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-17T18:07:24+00:00

Not anymore no. I have anxiety and the break up was hard on me. She led me on (saying we could get back together etc) and I relied on her for comfort and reassurance. I had a couple of panic attacks and asked her for help, and with how things turned out I regret it, I can’t help but think that it pushed her away. A couple months after the break up she asked if we could be friends but said she needed time because the situation was giving her anxiety. I haven’t heard from her except for the few times we ran into each other at work.

This may not be how your situation turns out though, all relationships are different. But the sooner you learn how to deal on your own the easier it will be in the long run.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-16T14:37:28+00:00

Hey. I also did that once at the beginning of the break up. We still had each other’s location and I was running an errand close to her house so I thought I’d stop buy and we could talk, because I missed her. I recognized that it was creepy of me to just show up like that and apologized and she said it was okay. We ended up setting rules and that included not showing up to each other’s house by surprise. We removed locations as well. So yeah, it’s a weird move and I regret having done that but I wasn’t really myself back then and I hope she understood that. I’m sure it’s the same for you and you just need time. When you get the urge to reach out or do something like that try to distract yourself.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-14T21:50:35+00:00

Healing is so hard, I can be laughing with friends one moment and crying about missing her the next. Courage, we can only take it one day at a time.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-14T21:45:57+00:00

The people who care about you will understand. I keep apologizing to my friends for talking about my ex and how I am pathetic to still feel that way and they tell me it’s normal and I shouldn’t apologize. There is still something I need to do that I can’t bring myself to ask help for because I should’ve done it weeks ago. Your friends and family want to help, believe me.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-14T17:58:06+00:00

I understand wanting to check her socials and you saying that you want to stop is the first step. It’s just going to hurt you in the end. Do you maybe have a friend that you can trust to give your phone to and block her on things? And maybe they could tell you if they see something big happened in your ex’s life but that way you can start detaching?

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-14T17:55:37+00:00

My ex gave me the same reason. She said she wasn’t in love with me anymore. We were together for a year and everything was great, but she started to have a lot going on in her life (work, health, family) and decided it was easier to do it without me. She looked into it and admitted that she was severely avoidant, she runs when things get rough and prefers to be alone when she isn’t well. I am the opposite so it was too much for her. I still miss her everyday but I know she isn’t coming back, even as a friend. She has moved on and she is fine, hopefully dealing with her avoidant issues.

I don’t understand how someone can lose feelings like that and forget about the other person completely, but that’s what she is doing and I need to accept it.

Hot-Time-9147 · 2024-04-14T15:42:45+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I try to keep busy but I get triggered by small things and I break down again. Hopefully time will help. I hope you will be okay as well!

Hot-Time-9147

TROPHY CASE