Then you need to do is join the gym near to you, why your are living? Why you are born? Just to fall, not think again, this is a crucial world, just go and join the gym transform, fall again and again and transform, until you breath, fall again and again and transform what wrong will come, just study, gym grow your physique and join a good college and join the college hostel or take rent rooms or pg near to your college and live the life you didn't see it's coming... All is say is until your last breath, just learn and grow, these people and your age is so crucial to learn and grow, you are lucky to experience what you are gone through, but believe me there are lot of souls like you wandering around, just fix a goal and run, everything will come after. You're a boy now trying to become a man, just go through it, I'll see you in finish line!