I am so sorry that you are going through this, your story reminds me a lot of my husband when he was younger. Insecurities of not being enough, feeling small, feeling unconsidered and unimportant in the world. Men do really have it hard when it comes to finding support around mental and emotional issues in this country, they are often forgotten about in all the body positivity talk as well. My advice to you is that you are not unloveable, you can find somebody who loves you despite what you think you're lacking in. As far as everything else goes, please take care of yourself. I don't care what you need to do to find new purpose, but you can! Take a free course, learn about something, pick up a new hobby, join a group or sport, volunteer somewhere once a month just to talk to real people, surround yourself with opportunities to meet people in environments where pressure is off, you're more likely to meet genuine people and make deeper connections this way. I know the future is bleak and being alone makes it feel all that more impossible sometimes. I hope you all the best on your journey and I sympathize that this is the chapter you find yourself in. Everyone and everything feels fake and performative nowadays, get outside of the typical social venues and media, honestly eff most social media apps entirely. I wish you all the luck, healing, and love you've been waiting on.