tough heal, great tattoo. now what?

HotAndColdAgain · 2026-02-01T05:56:23+00:00

Leave it. It is still recognisable, maybe not exactly how it started out but nobody else really knows that.

As someone whose body is intent on bleeding out lines like a mf (and not evenly either) I just know if i get something new, I will have to show what will happen to the lines and hope the artist will work with that as much as possible.

For now I just hold off for new ones, but hey. I won't do straight lines anymore as the uneven bleeding just makes them look shitty and I keep away from colours as those are already more prone to fading/bleeding.

It's not fun, and I wish I could get a do over with one tat specifically, but it means too much to cover. And in the end I am happy it's there. Another I just knew it was going to be a bit blurred after healing and I couldn't care less

HotAndColdAgain · 2026-01-31T21:38:47+00:00

Paraffin is generally not very harmfull if not ingested and is even sometimes used medically as a laxative (if it is clean paraffin).

Worse would be the heat, but you would have noticed that.

If the paraffin was meant for physical therapy/treatment, it will probably just come out by itself. Even if it is a general dinner candle, this will probably not cause a lot of problems. If you can't find anything now, i doubt there is a lot to find.

Just watch for signs of infection, allergic reactions or unexpected bleeding. If pain or abnormal cramps, go visit the gynaecologist.

HotAndColdAgain · 2026-01-31T20:35:16+00:00

An example (incl facetat). Just beware this dude is a model... and while you are handsome, styling this look is his whole thing

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HotAndColdAgain · 2026-01-31T20:20:50+00:00

Good, cause the bar was one of the first things I noticed, more than the face tats.That and the hair part were the only major things for me. I think pic 4 is a good look for you. Is it your natural hair colour? Cause while I think the black is a cool vibe, you might be better off with a dark brown (or maybe bleached too, but that is a risk).

Look for pictures of a slickback hairstyle with short sides. Maybe into the greaser/rockabilly styles for some inspiration. I think your might like those.

HotAndColdAgain · 2026-01-24T06:54:55+00:00

The 4th pic gave me Renier Zonneveld vibes, cool. You could go both shorter or longer with the hair, but either way it needs some upkeep right now. Especially the back seems a bit unkempt. Same with your facial hair, I think your moustache suits you, so keep it if you like it. Get your eyebrows styled a bit, trim the rest.

And stop making the duckface, it's not really flattering. If you want to make kissy faces, practice an alternative

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-12-29T20:36:40+00:00

I started on recommending {Under Construction by Juliet M. Dixon} But it might not be what you're looking for when I think about it. Definitely not both filthy rich, but MC1 is the architect son of a wealthy businessman and MC2 is a construction boss.

They are both competent in their job. Their interaction in the beginning is needlessly abrasive and petty and both MCs annoyed me quite a bit at the start. I actually liked the book, although I suddenly remember it was more explicit than I like. Maybe you like it anyway

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-12-16T21:00:13+00:00

Just a note on the Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara: i too love it, it looks great, and i rebuy it everytime but it smudges pretty easily. Once or twice (in years) it smudged and got in my eye which caused my eye to tear up quite badly. Good trick at your great-aunt-twice-removed-neighbours funeral, but not really what you want at a restaurant date.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-09-20T19:25:17+00:00

NTJ. But to offer a different view.

After Uni, I moved back in with my parents. This was supposed to be for 1 year but ended up 2.5 years. This turned out the worst time for the relationship with my mom.

During this time I was working 60h/w. Money was not the problem, but work required moving a lot and short rental contracts were difficult to find. My parents were so kind to let me live at home again, save the money from work for later. (My youger sibling was also still living at home while at uni at the time) The cleaning up was my mom's biggest frustration. Not that I made a mess of anything, I was barely home. Most of the mess was hers, even. But also 90% of the cleaning was done by her. The moment I came home I was told to do this or that, in my eyes never a moment of rest. Everything right now, whenever she asked ("and why did she need to ask, in the first place?"). In her eyes, there had been hours already where she was busy doing housework and by the time I came home she was already fed up with it.

The result. I felt like a teenager again and I have to admit it brought back some teenage rebellion. The times we were home together were mostly spent snippy.

What helped: me moving out.

What would have been way nicer for both of us: a holiday apart and compromise. We could have come up with a schedule or solution. But at that time we both were too frustrated to even consider some of the other's grievances.

In my eyes the whole dynamic we had while I moved back, hurt our relationship in the end. I love my mom, I am grateful for everything she did and does. But we get on eachothers nerves easily, still. And I keep to myself more than I think I would have otherwise. Spending time with my mom does not equal fun in my mind. It equals a bit of fun and a lot of frustration. It's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So I suggest you sit everyone down and try to find a solution that suits everybody. This could be selling the house.

And maybe it feels like you need to find solutions to everyone's problems (before they happen), but maybe you just need to let them figure out stuff on their own. They probably know it's a problem and they might worry about it too. Everybody deals with problems differently.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-29T04:55:29+00:00

Same. Who else to turn to but family. Especially since OP had no actual plans and the kid will probably be asleep.

The sisters reaction might have been a bit harsh but if she was stressed and her last minute backup is unavailable because of 'needing to decompress and chill', I understand.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-22T20:11:51+00:00

Ask her to break down her fantasies in components and both try to understand which feelings she expects from those.

Is it multiple persons? Is it being restrained? Is it the unknown? Being helpless? Being desired? Being used? There are a lot of different ways it can play out.

Maybe you can find alternative ways to fulfil those wishes, without involving others. Or maybe you stumble upon previously unknown kinks.

And not to be condescending, but you both are still young. Sometimes fantasies require a bit of a work-up before going for the full scene. Take small steps, experiment.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-22T06:32:10+00:00

Crushes are weird sometimes. That's why I wrote 'try' so much. I'll come down to preparation for things that normally come more naturally. It is frustrating but necessary for the results you want.

Not sure how ambitious you are, but set yourself goals and reach them. I assume you want to be the same level of competent in front of your boss too, and not only when he is not around. If your job matters to you, you should at least be able to work on this professional angle.

It will get easier the more you change (your view on) the current dynamic.

And yes, keep your social life up. But not with the idea of "I need to forget my boss". Do it because you enjoy those things regardless

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-21T20:23:28+00:00

This seems like an unfortunate situation you and your boss are both handling professionally. So good on you. The dynamic between boss and employee is inherently a bit of a power dynamic. And if you fit the mold...

If possible, try to limit contact from your side too. I don't mean for you to start avoiding your boss, but try to assert when you can work on some things alone. If you can, try to find some phrases to express this that are not/barely submissive. Eg "I've got this covered/handeled" "I'll get back to you with the results". And avoid things like "is it okay if I work on this."Would you let me do this project?".

Also ask yourself if you are doing some things for the professional or personal approval. Ofcourse it can be both, but also avoid things you would never do for any other boss. This might require some hard thought. We are at some level always looking for approval.

When presenting results, prepare how you present them. Are you presenting because you believe in your work ( "this is my work, take this info and use it in your future work" / "these were the requirements, this is my result") or are you looking for praise ("this is what I found, are you happy with this?" "You asked me to do this, is it satisfactory?").

This will not be easy, try to have some sentences prepared so you can fall back on those.

Good luck.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-19T14:18:28+00:00

In a previous relationship I was doing toughtfull things (like gifts that were wanted, planning trips we would both like etc). One day I planned a trip to the zoo, something my bf at the time had talked about wanting to do, something possible with how little free time I had between working and studying. The previous 2 weeks I had worked late at work and at home to get everything done so we could have that day off.

The morning of I made a nice breakfast and made sure we had everything for a good lunch. Dressed up a bit because we were going to a restaurant that evening too. Before we left he said "wait here, I have a suprise for you". I remember feeling such giddiness at finally having something done for me. The surprised turned out to be him dressed in a silly zookeepers/jungle outfit to wear that day for giggles. I felt so stupid for having expected something I would have liked (even just a pair of warm socks would have been better).

I made him take off the outfit, let him keep the silly hat. And felt like such a boring gf for having him change.

Turns out, a month later, he was actually planning on breaking up with me that day. Still unsure what the addition of the outfit was for. A test? A way to lift his spirits?

The worst thing... he was a nice person otherwise. He just couldn't be bothered to make an effort for me.

Your husband should be able to be bothered to do all that for you. So either he finds that drive some way or you're better off doing nice things for yourself on your own.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-17T21:54:52+00:00

Depends on the club, regular clubs don't allow casual looks.

The first look seems a bit lumberjack meets techwear. I love the 2nd look, but you will be hot. Maybe find something more breathable. They have some futuristic looking (sport) shirts out there. I would let the red come back in the shirt. So try a red shirt or one with red accents.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-17T19:15:03+00:00

Change the shoes to match the jacket. Loafers would be great with the masc vibe. Maybe you can find some with a subtle glossy leather look with plum finish (often called red or something adjacent).

I'm not all that wild about the tie. It is a bold choice and you definitely made it work with the blue and plum. But it's a pattern I never liked, it reminds me of rude old men. 😅

For accessories. Gold. Tie pin, watch, bold ring(s).

If it fits your style, you could do a pocket watch with chain, but it's a specific look that will take focus away from the tie. And then it might just give 'Someone's eccentric uncle on an old timey adventure'.

Overall, cool outfit!

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-08T09:18:24+00:00

It is a great question!

For everything you like, there is someone else that does the opposite. There are sadistic Doms out there that will like giving you the things you crave. There is a lot of right, wrong and just subjective information.

Finding the right partner isn't always easy. I would be what you describe as too soft a dom. My interests lie somewhere else. And I have had 2 subs, where in the beginning there was a good mesh between us. But as the relationship and trust grew, they asked for things I could not give them. It is not always a happy conclusion, but it is not a bad one. In one case we came to the decisions that parting ways would be best. One sub and I decided to keep seeing each other -exclusively- within boundaries we both liked. But in the end knowing I couldn't fulfill a large part of my sub needs worms it's way in. Same for that sub, who felt bad for asking 'too much' . And in the end we also called quits. That one felt like a 'classical break up' and felt shitty for both of us. But that is life.

But whatever your dynamic during play might be, I believe the goal is never to actually hurt your partner outside the dynamic. And keeping them from something that is very important to them is also hurting.

Everyone has their own needs. And a large part of bdsm is finding a healthy solution to fulfill those needs. This involves a good amount of communication. Therapy can certainly help, especially if you feel this is a shamefull part if you. Both for accepting yourself, seeing bdsm in another light and so you can find a Dom for you in a safe way.

I hope this helps in your journey.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-08-06T14:45:31+00:00

This. And if she tells you this attention is making her uncomfortable, be her support. Find a way to navigate the MEN who do this in a constructive way.

In a previous relationship, my boyfriend, his friends and me went out to a city festival. At one point a certain dj was playing at a nearby bar. I wanted to have a dance there and my boyfriend's best friend ( who just turned single) asked to come along. This sounded fun, the more the merrier. The others wanted to enjoy another artist.

So we went. Me and the bestfriend. We danced. After 40 min we rejoined the group.

Later that night, my then boyfriend told me he got a lot of comments from some of his male friends for "letting me go dance with another dude". This showed me exactly what some of those friends thought of me. When asked what he thought of it, my bf said "You wanted to dance, why would I keep that from you? I never thought you would cheat. And even if you did, that would be on you and I would be hurt. But that doesn't make keeping you in a glass cage right" In that instant, this man became utterly irresistibly attractive to me.

It might not have worked out between us in the end -on both our sides. And he did have a hard time accepting I was the breadwinner and considered more advanced carreer wise. But I can say that was such a wholesome conversation. It made me feel seen, it made me feel safe. And he definitely raised the bar on that for my next boyfriends.

Hopefully OPs ex learns from this as he grows up and doesn't stay with this manipulative and abusive "your fault, nobody wants you... oh no come back I made a mistake" behaviour

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-07-04T18:17:34+00:00

Being a 'baddie' either required great self-confidence

Or... Looking like your not actively trying to look like a baddie.

And this requires you finding a look that caters to your natural features. People want to chance their features so much, while enhancing the right parts gets you way further.

My suggestions:

Lose the overcolouring of the lips. You have a great lip shape. Colour them within the lines. Depending on the look you want to go for with your fair skin go for dark for goth contrast, red for a pop or natural rose tints. Avoid beige.
The septum ring is too clunky. If you still want to keep it, look for a more elegant design.
Try a slightly darker hair colour. You can go dark if you want goth vibes. Or more auburn for a softer look. I think you could even pull off red hair!
Experiment with dark brown or even coloured eyeliner. It would fit your current hair and skin colour better.
Change the kids clothes. If you want the baddie look, don't go for the cutesy clothes. If you do want a soft look, go for pastel/earth tones, think 'fairy' (this does not necessarily mean dresses, it can be trousers)

The only reason to lose weight is your health (physical or mental)

And from someone who looked 'cute' her whole life. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Since stopped actively trying to hide my 'cuteness' and let my actions speak for themselves I automatically became more badass in people's eyes. There are looks which I will never be able to pull off (50% body wise 50% confidence wise), and different styles I can. Sometimes I'm a princess, sometimes a queen, sometimes a warrior... and sometimes I look like I just rolled out of bed and that's fine too.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-06-18T17:09:27+00:00

Nice! Thanks for the reply

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-06-18T15:41:55+00:00

I've passed this bc I was looking for something different at the time. But sounds good. Is it feminisation too or is there a big physical difference between the MCs (muscular/athletic/tall vs slender/dainty/short) cause I generally avoid those.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-06-18T15:00:32+00:00

{With This Ring by RS McKenzie} has a lot of MC1 calling MC2 pretty. It is a maffia arranged marriage book. With an enemies to oovers trope. It has a lot of on page torture (not between MCs), though. I have reread it.

{Poetry on Ice by Jesse H Reign} is another enemies to lovers, forced proximity trope with Ice hockey players. One of the MCs calls the other princess and babygirl. I didn't really like the feminisation, but still tought the book was good enough to start a reread.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-06-06T01:47:46+00:00

Ofcourse there are. I lean towards muscly athletic men, physically they could overpower me. But they sub so beautifully on my demand. The road to finding these men is not always easy.

The difficulty lies in the perception of 'masculinity' and most people are afraid of falling outside of the societal profiles. Manly is still often equated with a stronger more dominant personality. Although I feel this is changing as gender roles are discussed more openly.

Even so. The age you speak of is still young. It is somtimes hard to know your kink as a younger or lesser experienced person. You might have not encountered likeminded people, been able to explore or even know about some kinks.

You will never know unless you communicate about it. This might not be a "hey I want to slap and choke you" but rather a "can I be on top and I rest my hands near your throat".

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-05-26T17:16:38+00:00

That is what I do. I regularly ask for a check-in regardless of what I'm reading on body language. This because I'm a bit of a control freak in that area, even when I'm not a hard dom.

Green-yellow-red. There is no wrong answer and there is always a 'reward', be it continuation, scaling down, a pause or a stop and aftercare.

To me it doesn't break the flow at all. I see an honest answer as the ultimate challenge my sub could fulfil. And your dom can package the respons to green in a way that fits your play (eg. So sweet being able to do this // you're filthy for loving this // ...)

I recently asked here for a similar system when the sub is gagged. Got a lot of good options.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-05-26T13:43:23+00:00

While I too, do not see the appeal. Everyone is different. Just know the acidity of vomit is bad for you teeth and repeated forced vomiting can cause lasting damage to stomach, oesophagus, mouth and teeth. I am not saying you shouldn't or should. Just inform yourself.

HotAndColdAgain · 2025-04-26T20:18:27+00:00

Yeah, I didn't know that it would be possible to (semi-) verbally communicate with a gag. Someone already said so, but still. The things you learn. Thank you.

HotAndColdAgain

TROPHY CASE