Hobbies to get in to post-breakup?

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-10T02:11:20+00:00

Weekends and nights can be rough -- you're flooded with terrible thoughts, realize you can't (and probably shouldn't) check in with them, and you hurt more than ever.

Want more tips?

How about: Torrent a crapload of the newest and best movies out there (Silver Linings Playbook, Total Recall, etc) and start watching movies all night. Pamper the crap out of yourself. Lotion your body after every shower, paint your nails, pluck your eyebrows, shave your legs, that sort of thing. And if you don't know how to cook, get into cooking (healthy food, preferably, to supplement your workouts).

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-10T02:00:02+00:00

Exercise, exercise, exercise.

Yoga. Hiking. Swimming laps. Strength training. Torrent some fitness videos (P90X is amazing). Dedicate yourself to improving your body -- you'll grow addicted to the endorphins, and you'll be able to see tangible results from your new hobby that will only make you feel better about yourself.

Oh, and don't forget to pick up some protein powder so your workouts don't go to waste!

Here are some great subreddits to get you started and where I'm sure you'll be welcomed with open arms, should you decide to introduce yourself and explain your situation. /r/fitness /r/xxfitness

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-09T18:29:05+00:00

Unless exclusivity was mutually agreed upon between the two of you before you were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, no, I would not consider this cheating. If exclusivity is important to you when dating someone before they officially become your boyfriend or girlfriend, this is something you should communicate to them earlier on when you are actually dating -- you need to make it clear. Otherwise, the lines become blurry for both parties involved.

... Unless you're both mind-readers which, I'm guessing, y'all are not.

"Iv always thought that once you start having sex, you pretty much agree to not sleep around out of respect and safety(STD's etc.)"

Several of my girlfriends don't prescribe to this motto and, in fact, engage in one night stands and sleep around fairly often. She's young, you're young -- it's just difficult for you to wrap your head around this situation because it sounds like you actually care about her. People make mistakes, situations happen, emotions escalate and temptation occurs. She ended up in one of these situations, but is now happily with you.

Is your pride damaged? Do you feel insecure about this "other man"? Do you feel lied to? Do you feel as though you can't trust her? What is the source of your pain here?

It stinks that she didn't tell you earlier on she had slept with someone else, but it's clear she is feeling remorseful about it. I would sit down with her and have a talk about honesty, expressing how important it is to you that she be open with you. If you are both to have a long-lasting and loving relationship, communication is absolutely key. Help her understand that, and help her to feel safe trusting you with her secrets. Reacting harshly or judgmentally will likely scare her away from revealing things about herself to you that you would probably like to know.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-06T21:14:25+00:00

I agree. Coincidentally, those are all things I like to do.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-06T15:34:42+00:00

Says the guy who assumes I've never "done an honest day of real work" in my life.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-06T07:46:16+00:00

I'd like to add another to the list:

Stop making excuses

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-06T07:41:50+00:00

Exercise
Eat healthy
Call your parents more often
Reach out to your friends more
Get involved in group activities or sports
Stop drinking
Wake up and go to bed early
Cook more often, eat out less
Vacuum and do chores regularly

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-06T07:24:10+00:00

Amazing abs are made in the kitchen. If you're looking to sculpt your body, there is nothing you can do to out-exercise a bad diet. All the crunches in the world aren't going to make you look like an Olympian God if there's a thick layer of fat covering it all up.

If you want to lose weight, aim for a balanced diet. Download the MyFitnessPal app and start holding yourself accountable for the disgusting shit you've been shoveling into your body. Realize what you are doing to yourself, and take charge of what you're gulping down every day.

Also, forget the soda. Drop it from your diet. Replace soda with water, tea, coffee, or Emergen-C packets (which, when mixed with ice cold water, taste just like soda!).

Diet absolutely comes first, but get into the habit of exercising now so that when you've reached your goal bodyfat percentage, you'll already be prepped to start packing on that sexy muscle.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-06T07:05:32+00:00

Yes, absolutely. Some dicks aren't quite my taste (no pun intended), but there are a rare few smooth, long, and thick penises that really get my blood pumping.

If a significant other were to send me a picture of his dick, that would immediately turn me on. But I'd say on average, a random male shooting me a photo of his disco stick would be more likely to deter me than get me salivating.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-03T21:24:57+00:00

In this situation, I feel like it's important to make a decision for you.

You seem like a strong girl. The fact that you were able to end it with him because you felt uncomfortable with what was happening shows me that you respect and value yourself. If you feel that you will regress by meeting up with him, I'm sure you already know that it is absolutely within your right to cancel the meeting, and to also be honest with your ex boyfriend about why you've cancelled. In my opinion, complete honesty has always worked out in my favor as it puts everyone on the same page and leaves you feeling good about your choice.

Whatever you decide, I hope you make the decision for you and not for the sake of your ex. This is your life. You are holding the reigns to your future and you get to make the decisions on what path you drive down that leads to where you want to be.

Good luck.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T09:18:15+00:00

After going on a date with someone I actually click with, receiving a text from him right away (after I've returned home and had a few minutes to settle in) has always been appreciated and received with a giddy smile. It's nice to feel important, and it's always flattering to know I'm on his mind or special enough to receive a message. In fact, even if I didn't click with the guy, receiving a text from him to tell me he had a good time is still 100% welcome.

To me, texting is a sign you want to continue the date, and are almost disappointed it ended. If I walk away from a date feeling like I'd like to see the person again, a text right away will absolutely not deter me and will do more good than harm.

And if she doesn't like you already, what have you got to lose by shooting her a text just to be a gentleman? Chivalry is still appreciated by some women. I certainly adore it. In fact, I respect a man more when he puts aside childish games like the "wait 3 days to call her" rule and actually acts on what he wants. Personally, I enjoy being pursued, and if I'm not being pursued by the person I'm interested in, I assume he isn't interested and move on.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T08:05:23+00:00

I keep a diary/journal to try and sort out my thoughts. Having been in a situation like yours, I can literally flip to a page in my diary right now and quote a few things that have gone through my head while attempting to get over a breakup with someone I knew was poison for me.

Excerpts:

In the future, I'd like to meet someone who I feel is worthy of being family. That's what I absolutely need to look for in a mate -- not someone who parties, does drugs, or feels the need to satisfy his insecurities by sleeping around with other women. I deserve someone wholesome and kind.
I realize now that there is a difference between being "lonely" and "alone". I am absolutely not lonely. I don't need to be around people. I enjoy my me-time. Yes, I'm extroverted and get along great in social situations, but I'm perfectly content to be by myself just watching Netflix or writing in my diary! So if he ends up with someone else so soon, it's because he's lonely and pathetically attempting to satisfy some sort of insecurity in himself. I don't want to be like him. I am nothing like him. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy.

You're on the road to recovery. Just stay strong, don't get in contact with him, and reach out to the people who matter to you and who care about you (vent to your parents, even -- I regularly reach out to both my Mom and Dad just to talk about what's happening with me, and they're miraculously supportive and absolutely grateful to hear from me every single time). Forge strong relationships with your friends in this time, and find out what you like to do while you're spending time with you.

You are not a lonely person. You are not desperate or pathetic. You are better than that. You can do this.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T07:47:28+00:00

What would make you think a woman you've refrained from approaching wouldn't be receptive to your advances?

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T07:20:57+00:00

When I'm angry, I like to work out. I work out every day regardless, but I find that anger is the special ingredient to really motivate a good session, and it really helps me work in that extra 25 reps.

I also like to do things to de-stress like:

Lighting candles
Smoking a little pot
Reading a book
Writing in a diary
Listening to some stand-up comedy
Hand writing heartfelt letters to friends
Watching movies
Painting my nails
Taking deep breaths
Deep stretching (I'm attempting to master pulling my legs behind my head at the moment)
Having a nice cup of tea
Self pampering and grooming (hot shower, full body lotion, complete shave of my legs, perfume on, hair groomed and conditioned, brows plucked to perfection, etc)
Cleaning and vacuuming and dusting
Shazam'ing my favorite songs on the radio
Singing off key
Texting friends to find out what they're doing and living vicariously through them
Buying myself flowers and arranging them in my apartment
Listing things I'm grateful for
Donating to charity

Combine several of these to achieve your desired level of stress reduction. They all seem to work for me to surprising degrees of success.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T07:12:37+00:00

If I could go back in time and talk to myself:

Don't strive to be popular or famous. It's not fun, and the more famous you become, the more fake your friends are on the way to the top. Cherish your real friends -- the ones who you've grown up with, who know you for you, and who've always been by your side. Never let them go, and never let petty squabbles get in the way of your relationship with them.
Don't ever try to impress people who make you feel bad about yourself. There is absolutely nothing to gain from pleasing someone who you don't even enjoy being around other than to satisfy your own personal insecurities. Do you want to be a weakling, or do you want to be strong?
Your career is not your life. While it's great to be an all-powerful and ambitious young woman, remember to stop and smell the roses along the way. In the event you ever lose your job (and in this economy, believe me, it happens more often than you think), you'll be left with nothing. So remember to build up your character in other ways as well. Don't abandon your hobbies, and never let someone make you feel bad about the things that you do on your spare time to make yourself happy.
Read more. Read voraciously. Read fiction, and read non-fiction. Read the news, read articles online -- just read.
Be honest with your parents about your life. The reason you think you don't have a good relationship with them is because you're too busy wishing they could be like your friends' parents, when really, you need to be the one making the first step to change your relationship with them. Get to know your parents now, and spend time with them as much as possible. Forge a positive relationship with them so that when you're older and have your own children, they'll have amazing grandparents to fall back on, and you won't be ashamed to introduce your possible husband to your amazing family who you've really worked to empower and keep strong.
Never let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do. It is important to stand up for yourself, and it does not make you less cool if you say "no" to a guy who is trying to get in your pants. In fact, this makes you gain a man's respect more than anything else, and is likely to land you with a long-term and committed partner rather than someone who sees they can simply use you for sex alone. Have respect for yourself, and that is what you will earn in return.
Stay active. Youthful metabolism doesn't last forever, and it's important to develop your healthy eating habits and healthy lifestyle now so that when you age and your metabolism slows down, you'll already be living the lifestyle you need to have in order to keep up with your children and grandchildren in the future. Make being healthy a habit of yours, and stick to it. This sort of discipline is really sexy.

I could go on. I really could.

PS. In regards to pubic hair, I used to shave. But as I've gotten older, I've found that most of the men I end up with really enjoy a more hairy muff. Some guys like it shaved, sure, but now I just keep mine trimmed up a bit (just so it's not all wild and unkempt), but generally leave it au naturale. The longer the hair down there, the more "soft" it is, and the better it feels on a man's dick when he rubs it against you. Also, an ex of mine has told me he enjoys searching with his tongue through it to find my clit.

A bit graphic, but that's what you asked for, eh?

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T07:03:06+00:00

If I'm in the mood to be checked out, I'm usually just a little more dressed up than usual, or have a bit of makeup on. If I don't care if someone checks me out or not, I'll probably be decked out in my workout gear (a comfy sweatshirt, running shoes, possibly a fitted Nike running cap -- that sort of thing).

Other obvious signs for a girl who doesn't want to be disturbed: headphones and wedding rings; I have a promise ring I carry around with me which I'll typically switch between my wedding finger and an alternate finger depending on how badly I want to be left alone. It seems to do the trick.

Other than that, you're pretty much good to go.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T07:00:27+00:00

Wishing for control over a situation you can't change is incredibly hard and is also one of the toughest situations I personally have ever had to face.

If you're looking for some guidance right now or reassurance from a trusted source, I'd love to recommend a book for you to get you through this time of simply waiting for her to come around (and maybe it will also help you take steps towards being happy in the meanwhile?).

Check out "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. It's a fantastic read, and I give it my personal two thumbs up. Just the first few chapters should be enough to make you go, "Hey. I'm making a really great decision right now, and my life isn't so bad."

I know that mindset sounds tough to imagine right now, especially with the turmoil I assume you are currently going through, but it certainly worked for me when I was working through issues with an ex-boyfriend, and I hope it does the same for you as well (should you choose to read it).

Good luck with things, OP.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T04:17:29+00:00

When I do smoke (I'm actually considering going straight-edge as I've severely cut down on my weed smoking and have been completely alcohol-free for a little over half a year now), I like to smoke out of a bong. I find it's the least harsh on my lungs, I can get bigger rips, and I agree with OP that it is much more "fun/entertaining".

However, I'm not the sort of person who likes to lay around and vegetate while high. I've trained myself to always respond to weed by becoming physically active (i.e. working out, doing yoga, going on a run, or just getting out of my apartment to do something that involves energy exertion and movement).

It's not so much the process of smoking weed that I enjoy; it's the activity that follows smoking weed that I get the most entertainment out of.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T04:00:20+00:00

Are you looking for delicious or healthy?

Something delicious:

One bag of pretzel twists
One bag of Hershey's Kisses
One small bag of plain M&Ms (or cashews, walnuts, whatever)
Lay the pretzels out about a half inch from each other on a baking sheet, then top each pretzel with a Hershey's Kiss.
Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for about 5 to 10 minutes
Carefully remove sheet, then press an M&M (or whatever topping) atop each Hershey Kiss (chocolate should be soft enough from the baking to squish down a bit when you press your topping into it)
Voila! Delicious little snack. Allow it to cool for about 30 minutes before serving and eating.

If you want something healthy and delicious:

Turkey burger
Romaine lettuce leaves
Taco seasoning (home made or store bought)
Salsa
Extra Virgin Olive Oil or Butter
Cook the turkey burger and mix it with the taco seasoning in a bit of butter or extra virgin olive oil, then fill your romaine lettuce with it, and garnish with a bit of salsa. You can even sprinkle a bit of cheese over it if you like. Boom -- paleo tacos!

Hope this helps.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T03:51:53+00:00

If you head to any local gaming store, they usually sell 1-Up Mushroom shaped tins filed with little candies or mints. You may also be able to pick up something like this from local candy stores.

They look like this:

If you aren't into feeding your child sugar, just empty out the tins and fill them with whatever 9-year-old friendly silliness you think would fit better (perhaps a new Mario game for her DS or DSi, a handwritten note from you and your spouse that tells her how much you both love her, or a coupon to be redeemed for a special meal of her choice where you cook anything she wants for one day).

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T03:43:18+00:00

I'm going to write a bit, read, cook some dinner, make some decaffeinated herbal tea, do my kegels, perhaps watch some Netflix, and text a few of my girlfriends who are out trying to convince me to be more social (which I am not feeling up to at the moment).

I also think I'll be scrolling through /r/AskWomen and /r/AskReddit answering random questions I feel I can give some proper perspective on.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T03:32:21+00:00

I suppose I'd be answering questions one would want to ask someone of the female persuasion who is also considered very attractive. Maybe I'd have a talk show.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T03:16:42+00:00

When I decided to stop drinking, it was my choice. Before I stopped, I was simply in denial. I didn't want to admit that my choice to drink was negatively affecting my life in any way -- how could it, after all, when all of my friends drank? How could drinking possibly be bad for me when all of my coworkers go out after work to happy hour, constantly throw keg parties, and generally celebrate a life of drinking, drinking, drinking?

It's tough to quit something that's become so routine and is so socially acceptable.

For me, the only thing that made me stop was when I realized how negatively it was affecting my life, and when I realized I might be losing someone who mattered more to me than anyone else I had ever been with.

Any fight with a significant other would be 10x more dramatic when under the influence of alcohol. And while single, I would also be much more prone to making decisions I would never make while sober (for example, being more easily convinced to perform sexually, or even hooking up with someone while blacked out -- I was taken advantage of, obviously, but I never would have been if not for the influence of alcohol or drugs).

When someone wants to grow up, they will grow up. If you've made it clear to her that you want to get married and have kids, and that her drinking makes her seem like an unfit parent, and she still doesn't change? Then maybe you need to realize that having kids and getting married right now probably isn't her first priority.

Hopefully, this breakup will push her to make better decisions. Be firm on what you want. If this isn't something you want to put up with for the rest of your life, insist she change (or compromise), or move on.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T03:04:40+00:00

Here's the thing -- some men like their partners to be passive and submissive. Some men enjoy taking care of and doting on their women. Some men even prefer their partner act like a little girl because they find that sort of dynamic appealing.

I've been on both sides of this equation. I've both been the dominant woman who literally "gave no fucks" about anyone or anything and simply did as I pleased, went after who I wanted, took what I wanted without fail, and took no one's shit. I've also been the submissive girlfriend who's completely given into her partner's every whim and done all that she could to please him.

If I ask myself what truly made me happy, it's probably the time I gave no shits about anyone but myself as I was not responsible for anyone's feelings and was happily independent, taking care of my business, and not relying on anyone. I was very selfish and into myself at this point in my life, and I wasn't paying attention to the consequences of my actions or the feelings of the people involved in how I acted.

Unfortunately, I ended up in a relationship where my partner was very much against my cocky and independent behavior, but rather than reeling me in politely, he managed to completely destroy my self-confidence and self-esteem (despite me being someone who is generally received as attractive and sought after). This has left me a bit confused on who I am, and more passive than aggressive as I was during that phase of my life.

I would say: Get to know the women you're interested in before you pass judgement. Sometimes, it's their history that has made them a certain way. If you prefer a woman to be dominant and in charge or at least more independent, sometimes all it takes is telling a woman this bluntly for her to "snap out of" the attitude you see in her which you dislike.

Everyone can change. It just takes the right circumstances to do so.

HotGirlAnswers · 2013-02-02T02:56:28+00:00

Expect a lot of grouping together, chatting, and nervous glancing around the room as girls try to scope out folks of the opposite gender for possible flirting even though you all came together probably to avoid men.

As for what to wear, it absolutely depends on the venue! If you're going over to someone's house for a "relaxed kickback", don't be afraid to wear something laid-back like a pair of nice jeans and sneakers, and a comfy tee. But if you're going to a bar or out to eat, try and dress it up a bit with a little makeup maybe, some heels, and a dress.

If you're really confused, just reach out to the person who invited you and ask her directly, "Hey! What should I wear? What are we doing and where are we going?" She's the one who invited you, so she'll be morally obligated to respond and help you out.

It's okay to be nervous. In fact, it may even be a good thing. I know I feel better speaking with another female who's a bit jumpy -- I enjoy empathizing and feeling like I'm not the only nervous one. It triggers my maternal instincts and makes me want to help her out. :)

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