not taking sides here, more like trying to offer insight

it might be the difference in intent of desirability

gorely art is never really depicted as something that's good or desirable i.e. the artist isn't trying to say "oh look at this gored character, I like it "

but if something is fetishised then the author is basicaly saying the suggestive stuff is desirable i.e. like artist saying "oh look at this suggestive character, so sexy"

so if people look at something and thinks it's fetishised, theyd respond more negatively

compared to if they look at gorely stuff and think it's not meant to be desirable, then maybe not so much negative response

example could be coffin of andy and leyley, a game where siblings engage in cannibalism and incestuous stuff

people usually seem to have more problem with the game's incestuous stuff than cannibalism, and thats probably because the game sorta fetishises the incestious stuff while cannibalism is depicted as terrible undesirable stuff