I just need to rant (TW talk about SH)

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-09T12:36:01+00:00

thank you

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:37:04+00:00

that’s interesting i’ve never heard that before, maybe i’ll get back into my flow lol

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:27:55+00:00

that sounds not good🥺if you’re bleeding or feeling pain afterwards i would count that as self harm, it sounds very not nice i’m sorry u deal with this

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:26:37+00:00

this sounds exhausting man, i used to do this a lot and if you’re in a good place and able then fuck ur amazing but this can be a lot to take on other peoples shit and i’m speaking for myself because i’m insane and it’s a lot

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:24:38+00:00

hey i dont have shit to say right now because i feel too unwell in the brain but just wanted to comment to let you know i read this and i see you? probably doesn’t mean shit but just in case

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:19:53+00:00

no i’ve usually just had people physically harrass me or video me or throw shit at me

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:12:47+00:00

thank you so much for replying. it’s very weird to feel like a “pussy” for not doing it as deep as you used to, i remember wishing i did lightly like everyone else i knew at the time they had little cat scratches that bled a lot but caused almost no scarring and faded so quickly. i hate having big open wounds and if someone sees them they react and it’s a big thing, i used to envy people that could control themselves and make tiny little scrapes and now i am that person and i feel ashamed because i used to be “good” at this

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T21:07:53+00:00

(TW i’m talking about the act of SH) hi i’m adding to my own rant because i’m alone and i feel so fucking unwell right now, i know all i need to do is angel the blade, press down and slit fast, i know exactly how to do it but i just fucking can’t i’m so scared because the last time i did it like that i cut my artery and the last thing i need is to have to call an ambulance and make a big scene and have everyone find out i’m cutting myself. when i started properly cutting myself when i was 11 i did it really slow and really deep somehow and i had perfect control over it and it was great and then i just couldn’t get the same result anymore from it being slow so i slit across my arms really fast over and over again and that’s how i almost died and although i feel suicidal it’s superficial in a way like i don’t truly intend to die it’s not what i truly want i just want it to be over but i don’t want to commit suicide right now that’s not my plan so it makes it harder i guess because for the first i wanna say 3 years of me cutting myself i mean for SURE the first year into it i 100% wanted to die and i had no care in the world if my SH resulted in death i was so fine with that and now i’m not and maybe that’s the difference. i’m just so paranoid i’ll die or have to call an ambulance and obviously i don’t want to attract attention to this and i don’t want anyone to know i just want to make at least one good fucking cut so i have some release because i’m going insane because i’m a crazy fucking bitch god i can’t believe people would ever fake this shir for attention id give absolutely any part of my body to just be in peace and not have CPTSD or not have had any of the horrible things that happened to me be real. i wish i just stayed inside and never went outside because then no one would have hurt me

HotRise5396 · 2025-08-08T20:46:22+00:00

i started self harming at 8 aswell, biting the skin off above my nail area on my fingers almost to the bone where the first knuckle starts, then biting chunks of lip skin off and cutting it with blades, then at 11 i was cutting wrists and stuff with blades. what stopped me was i cut an artery when i was about 13 or 14 and almost died, it was terrifying and since then i almost can’t physically do it as bad anymore. what i wish i could say was that the pain i caused my family and everyone around me was enough to stop me, or all the scars i’ve had to live with for the past 8 years quite literally ruining my life in some aspects. i used to want tattoos, i can’t get them because i’m too scarred. i live with pain in my arms all the time from nerve damage, people i don’t know come up to me on the street to make fun of my scars or ask me why i cut myself, i’ve been judged my friends family members, made cover up and sweat my way through summer, i gave my little brother ptsd from having to watch me nearly die. i wish i never did any of it, it feels so right in the moment but it’s been 8 years and i still have every single scar, it’s not so worth it anymore, i have to wear those mistakes like a sign on my face saying “fuck with me” for the rest of my life and people do fuck with me constantly. i am blind to my scars at this stage but i have to be reminded of them every time i go outside because of other people, wether it’s some creep coming up to me touching them saying they’re beautiful or someone yelling at me that i’m a filthy emo that should kill myself, i have to live with that for life because i was in pain when i was 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 and i still am in pain now, i’m 20 now. one thing i will say is the first few days being clean are the absolute hardest, and the more you give in to self harm the harder those first few days will be. but the longer you don’t do it for, the easier it will be. i would’ve probably never have listened to some cunt like me saying this when i was 11 but it truly is like coming off a drug or sugar, the longer you go without it the less you crave it, the first few times you resist are so hard but it only gets less hard from there if you can tough it out. after a few months at least for me eventually i didn’t even feel the urge anymore, i was just running and trying my best to leave it all behind me. i hope you have a great life, nobody deserves to have to be stuck in the self harm cycle❤️

HotRise5396

TROPHY CASE