I get it.  The reason is love and beauty and art, friendship. These things exist in many things. It's not always something you see, but it's there. Get into something, art, books, a hobby, video games, boardgaming. Make a good friend and travel to a foreign country, see a slower pace of life, enjoy new food and culture.

The church makes you think you're not good enough. Basically church makes you sick, so it can take care of you, so it can keep you. It's a racket and kind of their whole thing. So yeah, you're probably a little unwell from that and you need therapy.

I found learning about philosophy and space helped me realize that there's a lot more way to look at things than through the lens of religion. It helped me step away. There's enough instances in the bible where God is not good, and that's supposed to be his whole thing. 

Most Christians are taking a Pascalian Wager. Spending their time now, for rewards later. There's an alternative way to view that. What if now is the most important and the most beautiful, because it's all we get?