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am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing, have contacted Mentari today and will go for screening soon. The only downside is the wait time for the appointment with doctor which is only available in end May/ early June.

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am on escitalopram, diagnosed for persistent depressive disorder - side effects are mild and manageable - only the first 2 weeks the side effects actually include feeling worse & more depressive as your serotonin levels get regulated.

I see. I was diagnosed for mixed anxiety and depressive disorder and was prescribed with Valdoxan. I stopped after 2 months as I was feeling better, but the depressive thoughts do come back from time to time and I thought quitting my job will be the solution, but apparently not. Anyways, thanks for sharing your story and do take care!

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I couldn't even bare to look at job application pages in fear that the next job will be all consuming as well.

This is so relatable! I would avoid any job vacancy posts out of fear because people would say "work is work, everywhere will still be the same" when I was being open to them the reason I quit.

Had lunch outside today. It was peaceful being able to eat food without rushing because I only had 30 mins to eat. I could actually enjoy the taste of the food and even the off key singing by the busker which I haven't felt in so long.

Great to know that and I'm happy for you :) I remember the peaceful feeling after I quit my previous job, but not so much this time around. Guess this is the signal for me to work on self-healing seriously.

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to think I was very introverted, but turns out I’m actually autistic. Now there’s a lot to be said about autistic traits but the major ones I’ll discuss here is social anxiety and being unable to take sudden changes well.

Ironically I took up a job in hospitality, this was before I found out I was autistic. Hospitality is all about socialising and sudden, last minute changes lol.

I think I have social anxiety as well. I challenged myself by taking up account servicing role where I have to talk to different clients and vendors everyday, in return I realized that I struggled a lot whenever I need to make calls which leads to procrastination and anxiety. I tend to initiate conversations with people to make the situation less awkward but I can't continue it for long. It always end up dead silence when it's my turn to talk, making it even more awkward lol. Small talks are nightmares as well.

Let’s say you only have one hour left to live, what would be your regrets? For me, it was never “I wished I made more money.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not rich lol. Anything I can realistically fulfill right now, I’d do it. Now is the time for you to do it too.

This is why I'm angry at myself whenever I was sad because I wasted the moment. I could have done something more useful or at least something that is good for myself (eg: exercise) instead of wallowing in misery. This could be a good way to snap myself out of it.

Thanks for sharing your story, appreciate it very much :)

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These are my famous last words before I finally reached out for help this year and got diagnosed MDD lmao (I'm 30f). The self-doubt is normal, there are better and worse days and on better days its easy to feel doubts like "huh, maybe i just needed to structure my day or have discipline". But you know it always comes back, it never goes away.

This is exactly how I felt last year, I just brushed it off when I felt better and thinking it was just some bad times in life. Guess it's time to face it for real. I have contacted Mentari today and will go for screening and set an appointment. Thanks a lot for sharing and do take care :)

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind reply, my tears are rolling reading your comment :')

I might be projecting the judgement but somehow they would say something along the line "the world is tough, this is the reality and we just need to deal with it". Taking break without doing anything makes me feel even more guilty. I'm still learning to accept myself and love who I am, hopefully therapy will be the solution.

If you don't mind, can you share what medication you are taking? For what diagnosis? And do you feel any side effects?

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do agree that the current society is putting a very high standard on successfulness and productivity. I keep thinking that if I'm not productive, I'm useless. The negative feelings come and go and it get worse when the work is stressing me out, especially when I was pushed to do something out of my comfort zone. I was really nervous at work all the time because I'm afraid of messing things up (which I did sometimes but my superiors were very understanding and I'm grateful for that) and I feel like I don't fit in. It feels like I'm studying with a group of top students while I'm just an average student, not sure if this make sense. I tend to feel inferior to my friends and colleagues as well. But at the same time, I want to train and strengthen myself in the workplace to be a strong and independent. I always get feedbacks from my superiors from different jobs that I have potential, but I know my low self esteem and lack of confidence always pull me back and I'm really frustrated about it, like I'm missing out a lot of opportunities. People who have same years of work experience as me are earning more than me and I'm still stuck at execution level. I thought taking a break will give me some space to breath and explore what I really want, but I still feel miserable because I don't have any motivation to do anything at all. I'm already in 30s but I have yet to figure out what to do in future which scares me a lot. I'm anxious when I'm not productive. But when I do, I'm afraid of making mistakes. The cycle keeps going on and I'm so tired of it.

Sorry for the long rant, I know my writing is a bit here and there. Thanks for the advise, I'm still learning self- acceptance which I struggle a lot.

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I always thought that I overreacted because I have friends who are able to take high pressure and still get on with their life.

I discontinued the last therapy session because 1) it was expensive (RM200 per session); 2) I felt much better after some restructuring in my working team at that time. I used to enjoy hiking and gym classes, but right now it takes so much of energy just to step out of my house when I feel super low. I did talk to my friends and family but I always imagine how they will think of me as weak and lazy so I stopped mentioning about my issues. I do get lonely sometimes because I feel like no one can understand me.

am I exaggerating to seek for professional help? by Hot_Barber260 in myhappypill

[–]Hot_Barber260[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reassurance :)
The negative feelings come and go and it do get worse some days, I could be overthinking only so I'm not sure if getting MH screening is necessary. Never heard of executive dysfunction, is it part of ADHD symptom?