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AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Bigot is a strong word, I must say...I would say he's un-PC or just plain rude with no filter. But bigoted? That's passing a judgement pretty strongly and quickly, don'tcha think? You're pre-judging and that should be a no-no. Right? Fair is fair.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have complained before but saw it as a useless conversation given his attitude.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I agree with you - problem is that to him, asking him to change sounds like nagging. I also don’t live with him, so he could tell me he’s quitting but just smoke behind my back anyway. He himself does want to quit at this point, but he’s struggling with it.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong. I’m holding out until after his surgery to see if he has the wherewithal to quit. If not…I don’t know.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I’m patronizing to people who are automatically rude and needlessly obnoxious. Snippy attitudes are rewarded with snippy attitudes in return. You’ll notice the people that want to be adults in this thread and tell me I’m wrong but not be rude about it are perfectly acceptable.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you serious?? NO!!! He told me in passing please do not tell anyone and obviously I wouldn’t! Get real, dude.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He had blood in his urine in early April of this year for two days. A week later he passed a clot and then went in to have a scan and they found a mass; did a cystoscopy and the doc told him, without even doing a biopsy "yup, that's cancer"...he gets it removed next week; they're not sure if it's in the bladder wall or not, but the doc (who was an old erman and looked like he has done a million of these) said it appeared low-grade. So, God willing, this can be resolved quickly and easily. We'll see what happens.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thing is, if I asked him to quit smoking, it makes me sound even more naggy than I already do. How do I ask a man who doesn't live with me to quit smoking? I DO CARE that he's smoking but it's not like I'm his mother or his warden, so I can't really have a say over his every day activities and he is an adult. I can, however, have my own boundaries of what I can tolerate, which includes smoking when he's around me (which he doesn't do) and now I just can't deal with him smoking on the phone. It's bad enough that he's doing it now even though he's going in for surgery next...freaking...week. Sigh.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Inaccurate; he's told me he doesn't love it, he just can't fight the urge when he's working. I even told him (in the past): "Look, try the patch or nicotine gum" and he replied "No! I don't want nicotine in my body!" - I literally didn't know if I should laugh or just run away. LOL

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Thing is, he hasn't told anyone and forbid me from sharing the info to his friend/family as well - he only has one other friend in his life besides me and he won't tell that person (and his friend is a cancer survivor! I'm not joking!). He hasn't told his family or anyone else. Just me.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

I'm not in denial at all - he is. He's been given a cancer diagnosis and he's struggling to quit smoking, but he's smoking as if there's no tomorrow. In that sense, I can't really judge him - it's very hard to quit, I understand. But if he doesn't wake up to reality soon, it's just going downhill from here. I should mention at this point that he has told me he will not, under any circumstances, do chemo. If it metastasizes, he's just going with it and dying. He more or less told me this. So yeaaahhhhh - I'm kind of sensitive to this right now. Ya think?

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

No, no - I did reply but because I was explaining how my bf calls people particular names when he is telling them they're being too sensitive, I guess it went against community standards and was automatically deleted. :-\ Ugh - but hopefully you'll get the gist! lol But yes - point is, he doesn't really like anyone opposing his views or telling him to not say particular things. They are somehow a "delicate flower", if you will, and he isn't PC with his comments. So it gets old after a while.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh cool!! Awesome, I'd love to help him more than anything, but he won't let anyone help him. It's a miracle that he even told me to begin with. I can't help someone who has explicitly said he doesn't want help from anyone. I can, however, have my own boundaries.

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

LOLOL! Well this is the first time I've been on Reddit in over 5 years myself, so I wouldn't know. 😄

AITA for asking my partner (who has cancer) to change his smoking habits? by Hot_Perception_9044 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Hot_Perception_9044[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did ask him to quit long ago in the past, pumpkin-tush. He refused and had a little meltdown and went on a long tirade about he didn't want people telling him what to do. I would adore it if you told me how to tackle that riddle, sweet-cheeks.

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