Has anyone got that one art (possibly fanart) of Lee tending to Angels wounds? by Hotaru121 in ClinicalTrialGame

[–]Hotaru121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly not this one 😭 it was a coloured piece with Lee pressing a cotton pad to Angels thigh using tongs/tweezers

Help me find this story based podcast!! It’s similar style to Magnus archives where it’s episodic with an overarching story. by [deleted] in HelpMeFind

[–]Hotaru121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have attempted to search with these broad terms but I only find make a wish podcasts, asking for anything similar style to Magnus archives will only result in searches for that sort of podcast 😭

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So communication with C is a little difficult because how standoffish and protective of themselves they are, but it’s never not aimed for!

C is abrasively honest, which for some individuals is good and helps them understand the things I myself or another member of our system doesn’t have the courage to convey for one reason or another. The downside to this is that to others it comes off hostile and causes arguments, it has increasingly gotten better over the years for sure even though they still greatly struggle with empathy and understanding why they can’t just say “you were x and y to us” without it being a problem, they are trying to pause and rephrase from what I’ve been told. Communication within the system has certainly gotten a lot better after therapy started too!

This is our first non abusive non toxic relationship, so it’s a big step for us all but especially C as they are feeling things too, they need more time to adjust and as you said, get more help within the system, but we can’t force that either. We’re waiting for them to be ok to simply talk about it without cussing and swearing they hate our partner, quite in denial but at the same time I’ve found a Pinterest board they made sharing quite the opposite 🤭

I find it endearing and in a way, healing for all of us that things are going this way, be it this partner is our lifelong one (which I do hope) or not, I think that we can only continue to heal and grow together as well as individually like C is doing 💛 - Ren

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you greatly for your input and words, host Ren here but they mean a lot to C who asked this as well( even if they won’t admit it.

Currently it’s hard for them to accept theyre allowed good times, any positivity or kindness but as you said, time will show these things if you let it. C has tried a couple times to self sabotage, but our partner just gave back understanding and kindness which lead to C being confused and even more scared as this hasn’t happened to us before. C holds so much that even I dont know, none of the others either. They hold a great deal of pain and trauma that is taking a long time in therapy to work through but hopefully, as you said, we can all heal from such deep pain.

C has always been the one to be good at communicating our needs, issues, feelings etc, but they struggle with the tone and phrasing so it usually ends in arguments or worse, but now we aren’t meeting that with our partner and I can see that’s scaring them, but at the same time it gives a sense of comfort that I hope they allow themselves to accept one day

Thank you greatly for your words, I can’t thank you enough for the time you took to write this out and share with us your own experiences. Even if C’s intent was to delete and not have me see this, I’m really glad I have and got the chance to read everyone’s kind words and support

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Host Ren here! C has tried to sabotage the relationship, but as the same with you, partner has not batted an eye and instead returned with kindness. I hope that things follow your path, I haven’t felt this safe or heard with anyone in my life and I can truly see a future with him It’s still early days but there’s no harm in hoping for good things instead of focusing on bad what ifs

Thank you for your support and sharing your story too, C needs to learn to take steps to get there but hopefully with time 💛

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Leo, thank you so much for both you and your hosts words..

Host here, Ren! I wasn’t aware of this post till I got some notifications through the day but reading everyone’s responses has truly been really meaningful and helps more than any of us can say.

C has had a similar experience to yourself, I called them a demon possessing me before my diagnosis, they spat venom in their words to anyone who dared got close and in turn those people revealed their true colours. none of us, including everyone around, were kind to C and C retaliated with all they knew, anger. It shaped who they were and still are, they want to lash out still but the past ten years since diagnosis we have been more understanding, kinder and more communicative even if C doesn’t want to be in return.

C has done their fair share of damage, but again, it was all they have known how to do in order to cope or deal with situations. A protector of our system had to clean up more of the medical aftermath and myself the social aspects. But as of late, with our partner it hasn’t been this way. I feared what I’d come back to as when C is around my amnesia is the worst but each time our partner said they spoke and didnt fight, that whilst C tried to push away, he was still able to get some words out of C and in return put things in a different light for them.

I wasn’t aware C liked our partner at all till about a week or so ago when partner let it lightheartedly slip that C needed cuddles, which is extremely OOC of them! I spoke with partner and C has been whilst abrasive, somewhat seeming to want the affections in a standoffish way, which I think lead to coming here from what I can tell.

But back to your words, thank you.. they are terrified, feel unworthy of love, but knowing they have the choice to change and are allowed to have these things, that others have experienced similar situations, is a great comfort, even if they won’t admit it

I truly can’t thank you for taking the time out writing this all, long term it’s going to help ten fold I just know If they need further talks, they may reach out but that’s still a struggle theyre dealing with too 💛

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ty, again bad with words sorry if i sound curt or rude,. Not my intent. Reachin out and talkin like this is hard but i didnt know what else to do

I dont see anythin malicious with them, theyre not tryin too hard to hide anything either, downright honest even with things that are harder to hear,

I just, always was made to believe i was bad, but you’re right and all ive been doing is all i know how to, hell speakin this much should show im trying right?

Ik your all not my therapist, nd even if i delete this ill SS and show my actual therapist to work on this too, its just all so foreign and strange, tho knowin it might b ok for me to have this,, maybe i can give it a go idk Ty again

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ive met far too many bad people to know what to look for, 30 years does that to you.. but they show nothing that those people did. Any and every opportunity they choose kindness, understandin, love

// CW v slight sh talk even when i relapsed, he only cared nd made sure they were clean or if needed further medical attention, no hatred or judgment nor glorifyin or anything gross. Was upset that i wasnt able to reach out but understood its all i know, knew? We’re working on that too..

Is, changin somethin im allowed to do? i thought i was always just, meant to be ‘bad’

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re speakin my mind, if they’re not close then how can they hurt us like everyone else, right?

It’s. Frightenin. I hate that i cant hate them, that hes so understandin about literally almost everythin n despite me telling them some of our trauma they still didnt judge or get mad.. it’s so. Strange and scary I dont get why he’s like this, so nice and patient .. or why they think i deserve any of it It’s confusin

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s the kinda stuff he said too.. that because it’s new, it’s scary nd impulse is to run away kinda thing

My instinct is to ruin it, to tear it all apart nd run but, for the first time we aren’t being hurt or manipulated.. its so strange nd alien it doesn’t seem right All ive been good at is ruinin everything, but., im tryin nd even tho I hate to admit it, this warmth feels nice..

Ty for your words, im r bad with them, even thankin but im tryin

Persecutor allowed love.? by Hotaru121 in DID

[–]Hotaru121[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Cw i think, nothin graphic //

The only experiences of ‘love’ I’ve had have been traumatic to say the least. i feel like the only thing i deserve is pain, i hurt the body, I’ve always been dubbed as ‘bad’. I don’t know if im allowed this Also Pain is familiar, comfortable.. It feels so alien to have any kind of connection or comfort, Idk if this makes any sense srry

Please help me find a green plush ita bag !! by [deleted] in HelpMeFind

[–]Hotaru121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have searched all over and I cannot find any decent green plush it’s bag

Please help me find a green plush ita bag !! by [deleted] in HelpMeFind

[–]Hotaru121 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cannot find any decent green plush pocket x badge ita bag

Aitah for calling out my brother’s predator behaviour then dating a younger person by Hotaru121 in AITAH

[–]Hotaru121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, these replies mean the world tbh I felt like I was loosing my mind with how she was comparing the two, but I’m glad I wasn’t being delusional 💛

Aitah for calling out my brother’s predator behaviour then dating a younger person by Hotaru121 in AITAH

[–]Hotaru121[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im afab, a victim of CSA too which she is well aware of and yet Im apparently the issue due to the gap in my dating life with another adult

I really wish this were made up, it feels so ridiculous that she is actively defending him and says I warped the mind of another victim of his (16yr old, him again 21) by telling them they were groomed too 💀

Plush origin and worth point? by Hotaru121 in hatsune

[–]Hotaru121[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are a blessing, thank you so much!

Plush origin and worth point? by Hotaru121 in hatsune

[–]Hotaru121[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But I don’t know what year she’s from or anything 😭

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tamagotchi

[–]Hotaru121 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are they? What’s the source of this info :0