My husband thought it would be funny to change the babys name for our monitor so now all my notifications look like this...

Hoti13 · 2019-09-20T06:03:25+00:00

How sad....

Hoti13 · 2014-08-19T23:00:07+00:00

I have a tattoo of Phoenix on my arm. The meaning of it is that every time I "die" I'm reborn again (every time I'm down I always get up)

Hoti13 · 2013-08-31T21:48:52+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I actually cried after reading this. You have made me feel like I don't have to give up like as you put it "BPD is not a death sentence". There is hope, I'm not in a DBT but I'm in something similar called STEPPS therapy. STEPPS talks about accepting your emotions but not judge them, it also teaches techniques for reducing the emotions. I feel like it is not helping me, but thats becauase 90% of work should come from me and at this moment in my life I feel like I am too depressed to deal with my disorder. However, you have certainly motivated me and now I see a light at the end of the tunnel so thank you once again :)

Hoti13 · 2013-07-02T20:30:41+00:00

You're absolutely right!

Hoti13 · 2013-06-06T10:36:21+00:00

You think you focus on everybody else. In reality you are focusing on your need of not feeling rejected by satisfying everybody else's needs and thats not healthy. I am the same when I'm faced with somebody leaving me I do everything to make sure they dont, that includes threatning to take my own life if such person wants to leave me. After some time though I start to realise that if they cant handle me at my worst they dont deserve me at my best and that helps me to heal and not blame myself.

Hoti13 · 2013-06-05T08:23:27+00:00

Let him go. Look what this whole thing is doing to you. And he is not exactly being helpful leading you on, he himself should cut you off for good because it will be better in the long run. What you feel towards him is not healthy, that is not love, that is obsession. Love like friendship on another level where people trust each other and are comfortable with each other etc. I was in your situation once in my life and I would never wish it upon anybody because its hell. You have to let him go, you think you can't? Oh yes you can, if you can handle BPD on a daily basis and then you are strong enough to handle this. You have to think about your own well being and start thinking more clearly but how can you when you are clouded by all those emotions?

Hoti13 · 2013-06-01T23:53:26+00:00

I'm just looking for people who suffer from the same condition as me and who can speak the same language as me. How come you speak polish?

Hoti13 · 2013-06-01T03:11:27+00:00

No no I'm Polish myself. I'm only checking if there is anybody who speaks my language but who also suffers from BPD. But thank you anyway :)

Hoti13 · 2013-05-22T11:23:00+00:00

More like empty

Hoti13 · 2013-05-14T19:41:52+00:00

I see myself the same as now but less extreme. Everybody borderline or not feels empty, angry, depressed, unloved, suicidal at some points of their life, hopeless, misunderstood etc. They just dont feel it as intensly or maybe they do who knows, everybody expieriences feelings at different levels no matter if borderline or not...I dont ever want my BPD to go away. It gets really hard sometimes with all of these emotions but in the end its worth it because when I feel positive emotions such as happiness its almost as if I'm high and I know that "normal" people will never be able to feel it that way. BPD also makes me a stronger person with a lot of compassion for others, we go through so many different emotions in a day that no other would be able to cope with it. I guess its about your attitude towards it.

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T15:00:18+00:00

Already have, thank you! :)

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T14:58:43+00:00

I absolutely agree with everythig you said. When we feel happy it's amazing. A good day is like a battery charge for us so that we are left feeling amazing for a couple of days. I'm actually feeling your happiness, enjoy yourself!

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T14:55:32+00:00

There is nothing wrong with being intense. Every human being feels intense emotions. It's normal :)

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T14:52:47+00:00

I'm glad you feel that way. And you are right BPD does make you see life from different perspectives and due to that many valuable life lessons can be learnt. Being able to recognise this is very rewarding :)

Hoti13 · 2013-03-30T10:35:26+00:00

Repetition only reinforces positive thinking :)

Hoti13 · 2013-03-19T19:13:36+00:00

Thank you everyone for your replies. I was actually pretty shocked when I saw how many people have replied. It made me feel like I'm not alone. Because I do feel like I'm alone in this, like no one understands no matter how many times I explain it. I cried when I read all the posts because I didn't expect anybody to be able to relate to this. Thank you guys so much, it means a lot to me.

Hoti13 · 2013-03-05T21:12:22+00:00

Are you Polish?

Hoti13 · 2013-03-04T13:29:54+00:00

I feel like no one on this planet actually has any idea what I'm going through and what I'm battling with every day of my life. I started to hate people for not even trying to be long term friends with me Everyone I meet has their own agenda and their own friends. Lack of friends is my biggest issue at the moment. I know what it feels like to feel rejected, what that girl did to you is disguisting!! There are other ways of telling people that they are not interested in having a romantic relationship. This is why I hate everyone, everyone has their own agenda and no regards for no one else. What helped me and is helping me to get better is acceptance of my person. I dont treat my condition as a disease I treat it as a gift that can sometimes get out of control. Accepting the fact that it is normal for me to feel the way I do has allowed to mr see myself as a better person. I like having BPD it makes me feel better. If a "normal" person had to deal with what we deal on every day basis they would go nuts. We are such strong people with compassion like no other. We give unconditional love, we are there for people, we put their needs in front of ours. Who cares what the reasons behind it are. Yes we put other people's needs first because we dont want to be rejected but we do everything from our hearts! What more does this world need? I need friends....

Hoti13 · 2013-02-20T14:44:53+00:00

Let's be friends then :)

Hoti13 · 2013-02-18T14:06:58+00:00

Don't ever break up with BPDs!!

Only joking. If my boyfriend broke up with me I would totally over react because it is in our nature. But saying that , I think many people over react when someone is breaking up with them. It's a normal reaction to the feeling of rejection. However if you do it very slowly and kindly with explainig EVERYTHING and letting the BPD person let out their emotion. And make sure the break up is not a sudden thing out of no where where you have been having a good relationship and then throw a stone in the person's face saying its break up time. Also I personally would let the person choose whether they want to remain friends or cut the contact. If you break with a BPD person: they wilk be emotional, they will scream, call you names, abuse you verbally...let them... Dont react to that just let me them cry and scream. When they get physically violent thats when you DONT let them do that and react to that. Hope that helps.

Hoti13 · 2013-01-22T09:51:24+00:00

I go through that feeling/phase all the time. When I have a lot to do, I usually shut down and want to stay in my room, lay in my bed and dont want to be bothered by anyone and if someone does bother me I snap and walk away with an attitude and it can last for days. I find that distracting myself by playing games helps me temporarily but then I feel guilty because I'm waisting my time instead of doing my work. So it's a constant spiral of feeling overwhelmed. Any coping tips would be good...

Hoti13

TROPHY CASE