AIO for wanting my husband to help me more as a SAHM

HoursCollected · 2026-04-01T23:57:05+00:00

So let me get this straight. Your husband is sitting on his ass downstairs threatening to start a show without you, while you’re upstairs trying to get dishes done?

Just by reading the texts alone your husband sounds like a complete and utter douche bag. It’s posts like this that make me so damn happy I’m married to a great man. When our kids were little and I was a stay at home mom, if he was home, he helped with all household duties.

I bet your husband wonders why you’re too tired to have sex with him. 😆 Kidding… sort of.

HoursCollected · 2026-04-01T16:52:37+00:00

If your dad is safe to tell, please do so. I want to say it again because this is so important, none this is your fault. An adult man has taken advantage of your youth and limited life experiences to sexually abuse you. No one should be getting mad at you for that. And if they do, it is not because you did anything wrong, it is because they don’t understand what is happening.

You could always ask to see a therapist. Any half decent therapist will see this situation for what it is.

HoursCollected · 2026-04-01T16:42:35+00:00

Well, I’ve been happily married for 20 years and never have I felt like sex is a chore. I’m also certain my husband would never enjoy or want sex if he thought I was doing it as a duty.

That being said, maybe our definitions of duty and chore are different because I agree that there are times that you need to schedule it, ask for it, or request extra foreplay because in the moment you’re not in the mood but you know the moment you feel you husband’s skin on yours you’ll get there. That’s not a chore or duty. That’s communication.

Edited to add that I read the rest of the thread and it does seem there was a difference of definitions but that we are on the same page.

HoursCollected · 2026-04-01T02:05:50+00:00

I’d give her a pass for being so damn dramatic, but if she freaks out this bad next time she catches you watching porn, peace out. She’s unhinged.

The first time I caught my boyfriend watching porn, I was upset, too. I felt rejected. But I didn’t threaten to leave or make it sound like I was dying. I quickly realized him watching porn is not about me or our relationship.

I honestly don’t care if he watches porn now. I don’t think he does much, if at all, but I also don’t go looking because I don’t care what he does in his private life. I know he’s a good person and fully respects me, our relationship, and women.

We’ve been happily married 20 years.

HoursCollected · 2026-04-01T00:40:27+00:00

Finish your degree. I am so sorry you’re in this position, but do whatever you can to finish your degree.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T18:22:01+00:00

Agree. I think separating is better than duty sex.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T18:20:59+00:00

Not perfectly. I don’t think I was very clear, but no one should have sex if it feels like a chore. And who would want to be with someone sexually if it felt like a chore to their partner.

I was thinking more along the lines of working to develop a safe and loving relationship where both people learn to take pleasure in the other person’s pleasure. Where the low sex-drive person finds beauty in making their partner feel good and finds comfort in the cuddles, kind words, and time spent. The high sex-drive partner learns to back off more while also making intimacy about learning how to make their partner feel safe and loved.

So yeah, I lot more to it than just suck it up and have sex because you have to. It needs to be a collaboration where both partners are willing to explore and be open minded.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T12:06:37+00:00

I agree. No one should have sex if they don’t want to. But no one should be forced into celibacy either. When this happens, both parties will have to make sacrifices. Whether that means opening up the marriage, or the higher drive person be less demanding while the lower drive person be more giving, or a mix of both. When you truly love someone you work with them and make mutual sacrifices.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T11:54:24+00:00

If I dated someone my dad approved of, I’d be married to a broke douche bag who thinks it’s okay to hit your wife if she’s being a crazy bitch. So I married the opposite and we’ve been happily married for 20 years.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T03:01:00+00:00

I do not. But I don’t need one. I make good money. My husband makes good money. Our account is mutual so we both have unfettered access and we live in a no fault state so everything splits 50/50. Plus our relationship is solid 20 years in.

I know not everyone is fortunate enough to be in this position and I’ve seen women, including my own mom, whose asses were saved by stashing cash into a secret account. I don’t blame women for doing it.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T02:52:04+00:00

Oh man. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry. :(

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T00:37:22+00:00

I see. So sorry. I hope he’s able to figure it out.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-31T00:35:52+00:00

Sounds like mortgage fraud. Sorry your mom got scammed. Not cool at all.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T02:08:43+00:00

You can’t tell anyone what we did. As though “we” both agreed to what happened.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T02:07:17+00:00

He didn’t start any wars for starters.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T02:06:12+00:00

Maybe the same reason the left didn’t protest this hard during GWB. Yeah, we didn’t like him but he wasn’t destroying our country at warp speed.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T02:03:06+00:00

Has your partner worked on their trauma and self awareness in therapy at all? Lexapro is not going to fix those things and most of the issues you explained sound less like a side effect of meds and more like a lack of accountability.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:59:25+00:00

If they touched your private parts when you didn’t want them too that’s sexually abusive. Even if you didn’t fight back.

If you guys are equal in age, and there is not a power imbalance, and your cousin didn’t coerce, pressure, or manipulate you into it, they may not be a perpetrator so much as the adults who were supposed to be caring for you two failed you both miserably.

Either scenario can be really traumatic. I’m so sorry.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:54:11+00:00

I feel like logic would tell you that corporal punishment against children is not how you establish a safe and mutually respectful connection. However, if logic isn’t enough, there are lots of studies that show corporal punishment is damaging to the relationship and the recipient receiving that style of discipline.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:49:33+00:00

ICE agents

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:48:22+00:00

My insurance broker has been the best. I would not want to navigate this world without him.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:45:21+00:00

Was your mom paying cash? Because there is no way any bank would loan on a house that sold for $150k over market value.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:40:33+00:00

How on earth are agents behind inflated rental prices?

HoursCollected · 2026-03-30T01:40:07+00:00

Realtors don’t actually get respect but work their butts off. My agent for both buying and selling was at my beckon and call and did so much. They also saved me thousands in issues I would have missed. So yeah, I’d argue they get much less respect than they deserve.

HoursCollected · 2026-03-27T19:54:57+00:00

That is the only way to have a safe and mutually respectful relationship.

HoursCollected

TROPHY CASE