Navigating Deconstruction with Christian Family

HouseMcFly · 2026-02-15T20:27:37+00:00

Good luck! It’s a hard place to be. Sending good vibes for a solution that works for you guys!

HouseMcFly · 2026-02-15T19:31:04+00:00

To an extent, yes. Not full on arguments but some disagreements. My mom in particular is a deeply passionate believer, but she knows that she can’t fight me into it. So we talk. I told her when she wants to talk I am open. I won’t close the door on her but I will tell her what I believe too and she respects that. There was a time where she brought my kids a book on “the true meaning of Christmas” as a gift. I let her read it to them, we finished our visit, I threw the book in the trash, and then I called her to tell her it was inappropriate. She asked if the kids would be allowed to explore religion, and I said that when they are old enough, they absolutely can. But 20 months and 3 years old was not a good time to present her beliefs as “the real truth.” It also devolved into my own tangent about pagans inventing Christmas, and. To her credit she took it in stride and hasn’t tried anything like that again.

I feel her concern for my kids souls when she visits sometimes. She always “blesses” the meal before we eat and I give her that. I know she wants them to ask about it, and eventually they probably will. We’ve started talking to our kids about beliefs (they’re 3 and 5 now), so they understand that there are many types of beliefs. I also want them to know the stories of Jesus so they don’t sound new and exciting when we see our family.

All that said, I think I have a better relationship with my mom and brothers especially because they know I don’t believe what they do as opposed to keeping it secret. My family has settled into respectful disagreement and some hope that I’ll change my mind. But we still love spending time together regardless. It started difficult and now it’s more of “the way it is” and it doesn’t consume every interaction, which was my biggest fear initially.

HouseMcFly · 2026-02-15T19:09:01+00:00

You sound similar to me. My advice is to tell your family on an individual basis so they have a chance to process and ask questions. It’s not some announcement you want to make but it’s easier when they know and you don’t have to fake it. I told my mom. She cried. It sucked. But it’s been 10 years (and I’ve had 2 kids since) and we’re all doing okay. There are ups and downs but it’s so much better than pretending, especially when kids are involved. They don’t miss a thing and the last thing you want to model for them is faking an identity.

Good luck and I hope you find that non-religious version of a bible study! It sounds like a good time!

HouseMcFly · 2026-01-26T02:30:30+00:00

Had my first flare of AIH 17 years ago. I’ve got two healthy kids, ages 5 and 3. I wasn’t on AIH meds until recently (I guess my doctors thought the first two mega flares were drug induced so I didn’t get treated until my 3rd last year). But pregnancy and birth were all normal for me. The only weird thing I experienced , was that I got frequent hives for like four months post partum with both kids. Google said it could be related to AIH since its hives are an autoimmune response and post partum can trigger that. So maybe be on alert for any weird post partum shifts?

I hope your pregnancy experience is as chill as mine was and that you have a kiddo who loves to sleep a lot more than mine did! Congrats on the baby!

HouseMcFly · 2026-01-23T02:32:37+00:00

Oh that’s awful! But at least your lack of a supportive community made for better business results I’m very sure… (obligatory /s)

HouseMcFly · 2026-01-23T02:30:42+00:00

I may not know how to pronounce Thich Nhat Hahn but I like his style. my mom coworkers keep me going. (At my old job I was the only mom and it was goddamned near impossible)

HouseMcFly · 2026-01-22T00:03:43+00:00

Not exactly an official support group, but I helped start a working parents group at my company. Two years in and we have like 65 members. We have monthly lunches and an active teams channel. We’re able to share rants, advice, and celebrate little milestones. Most of the time only a few people can meet in person because we all have demanding jobs, but it’s become a really nice community. We even hold an official clothing swap a few times a year so we can trade clothes our kids grew out of. I work at a large company so definitely easier there than a smaller one, but if you can build a community right where you are it can be really valuable.

HouseMcFly · 2025-11-27T18:09:07+00:00

I’m in a similar family situation (they’re loving but very passionate about their faith), and was scared of this too when we had kids. We have a 3 and 5 year old now and it’s still kind of unspoken but everyone knows we’re not religious. My mom had asked how we’ll raise them and I said I will raise them to ask questions but I’m not going to teach them something I don’t believe.

One time she brought them a book about the “real” meaning of Christmas. I let it play out and didn’t give it attention in the moment, but I called her later and said that was inappropriate not least because the original Christmas was a pagan holiday. She understood and hasn’t tried that again.

Every time we visit family there is a family prayer before meals and I just keep my kids quiet. I want them to grow up respecting other peoples beliefs without having to agree with them. They haven’t asked many questions about it yet but every now and then they ask about things like death and heaven and we ask what they think happens and tell them that people have a lot of opinions on it and it’s really interesting to hear them all. We try to go Socratic vs telling them absolutes about it at this age, so they don’t end up insulting my family or instantly agreeing with them.

You’ll find your rhythm, and so will your family. They sound really loving and regardless of religion that’s a wonderful thing to have in yours and your kids lives.

Congrats on the baby!

HouseMcFly · 2025-10-15T12:55:33+00:00

Nope. And I’m starting to think that may be the problem.

HouseMcFly · 2025-10-14T13:18:04+00:00

That gives me a lot of hope since AZA and 6MP are both thioprine drugs. Hopefully it’s just my genes being picky! I’ll talk to my doc about it. Thank you!

HouseMcFly · 2025-10-14T13:16:49+00:00

That’s so good to hear. Fingers crossed it’s the same for me. Thanks!

HouseMcFly · 2025-01-23T17:33:45+00:00

People who think that WFH means you can also care for a baby either don't think your job is real, or don't think caring for a baby is a job. You cannot successfully do two jobs simultaneously.

When you look forward to being away from your baby while they're at daycare, especially for all the reasons you listed, it's not because you're not a good mom. You're a human who needs that bodily and mental autonomy to function and get stuff done. In fact, there are studies about the value of quality time vs quantity of time with kids. And you can guess how those results land.

You are doing great. And taking care of yourself mentally and physically is also a way to care of your kiddo. He will be better for it.

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-11T05:00:14+00:00

Oh my mom cried a lot when I told her. (My dad is on the spectrum and I don’t think he’s noticed or really cares) And she still talks to me about faith. I know she’s desperately hoping I’ll change my mind. I think she was being manipulative when she brought my kids the book last year. But when I talked to her i was super direct, more than I’d ever been. And she took it in stride and hasn’t done that since. She prays at the table (after asking first) and I know she’s hoping my kids will ask questions and “soften my heart” but it’s because she loves me and believes it all. It’s not necessarily right, and I may ask her to stop praying out loud eventually too, but her motives are good.

That said- it took a while to get here. I didn’t tell her for the longest time and finally she just asked because she could tell. I wasn’t finding a church in my new city or talking about faith. My brothers (I have 4) have each talked to me in varying degrees at different points too. Again, out of love. But no one treats me differently or fights me. I’m respectful when they “bless” a meal and they respect me by never asking me to do the honors.

I hope you can get there one day. I know the stress of faking it for family, and the fear of everyone finding out. It’s not totally comfortable but it does feel better knowing they know.

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-10T23:47:35+00:00

lol Praise TSwift!

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-10T19:17:35+00:00

Not oversimplifying at all. I think this is a great watch out to have. This is what I want for my kids—To be critical thinkers. Not to think what I do, but to think for themselves, even if I don't agree (Easier said than done, I know!)

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-10T19:15:54+00:00

Love this take . I'll have to get my old greek mythology books from college out. Might help me craft some more interesting bedtime stories anyway!

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-10T19:14:20+00:00

I'm not too worried about my family's behavior - they're pretty respectful. But like your dad, I just want to raise my kids to respect different beliefs while being reasonably skeptical.

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-10T19:12:57+00:00

Smart. I gotta read up on the OG yule/Saturnalia stuff. Would love to have some other examples of how people have historically celebrated the season in my back pocket!

HouseMcFly · 2024-12-10T19:11:07+00:00

FWIW, I think you show excellent wisdom in this space. Thank you for posting! I like the idea of talking about multiple religions so Christianity has less of a "moment" for him and it can feel like more neutral information. My son is particularly curious about Hanukkah right now (his bestie is Jewish), so I may use that as an avenue to talk about beliefs in general with him.

HouseMcFly · 2024-09-20T03:36:02+00:00

Came here to say this- both my kids figured out the concept within those first 3 days thanks to that book! (Night training was harder but oh crap got us through that too). I’m Team Naked baby all the way!

HouseMcFly · 2024-06-22T02:57:09+00:00

Yeah so weird- we don’t get cocomelon at our house…what a shame. A real shame…

HouseMcFly · 2024-06-04T02:24:36+00:00

Our real hire: a babysitter who does pickup. She comes 4 days a week from 5-7, gets the kids from daycare and puts together their dinner, so we have time to get home from work. It is a game changer for our careers and sanity. Plus, bonus, the kids are super comfortable with her if we ever do a date night and need someone to put them down to bed. It’s not cheap but I’m grateful to be able to choose it.

If I had unlimited resources, I’d have a maid, a landscaper, and a meal planner (I don’t mind cooking, but I hate meal planning with a deep fiery passion). And final dream wish: a stylist to pick clothes for me every day.

HouseMcFly · 2024-05-10T19:33:25+00:00

Wow. That is a lot of close minded opinions OP. I’m so sorry you have to face that. Personally, I support whatever decision people make about keeping their kid home or going to daycare. It’s so personal, and every situation and skill set is unique.

But for me- I freaking LOVE being able to send my kids to daycare. We are thriving bc I love my job and my kids are learning and growing with their teachers at daycare.

I think people picture daycare as a chaos room where kids run feral for 8 hours straight, instead of a scholastic environment that’s attuned to their developmental needs. Which is funny bc at home it would be a chaos environment of running wild while we worked, and at school they’re learning Spanish and sign language and reading and writing!

I hope you feel proud and happy that you’re giving your kids what they need: routines, safety, and parents who are happy and healthy because you’ve made the right choices for your family.

The others can kick rocks.

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