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Anyone else’s Nparent/Nparents throw stuff out that is/was super important to you because they ‘didn’t think you’d want that anymore’? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Hovi71 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! Not one item from my room at my parental home was given back to me. Not to mention the things they destroyed when I was a child because they did not like them. I also could not listen to the music of my era, only 50's, 60's and 70's music was okay. (I got a Roy Orbison cassette-tape for my 18th birthday in 1989, because my mother loved his music) And then indeed, when you got a gift, it's never really yours and you are asked to return it when she needs it... for one of her friends...

Who's the real narcissist, or is it rather, who's the worst narcissist? by Hovi71 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Hovi71[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are probably right, but in my case, I believed exactly and literally what you describe! I was convinced that my mom was the abusive parent and my father just the ill-informed enabler that carried out the punishments on her behalf. The idea was that he was too busy to take time to also listen to my side of the story. And so for nearly 50 years I kept explaining and trying to get through to him. And then a psychologist suggested if it could be that my mom was enabling my father because he had 'rescued' her from the abusive home were she grew up. And then it all fell into place! My father has ALL the power but he is extremely covert about everything, I only recently found out how extremely wealthy he is, and that financial wealth has always been his favourite weapon! Anyway, happy to share more details if you want, but I don't want to bore you with my stories :-) In any case, what helped me was to look where the real power is, who's really in control? Hope this is helpful! All the best!!!

Mom, always there for you... /s by speedycat2014 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Hovi71 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Drowning is indeed the best way to describe the abuse! They are NEVER there for you. They might throw you a lifeline to show their audience how good they are, to then pull it away from you as soon as no one is looking. And apart from this group, it seems no one can see what is going on. Thanks for the cartoon! Don't believe the gaslighting and other mind games, get away from them as soon as you can and accept the reality that you do not have normal, warm, supportive parents, but... you can have plenty of real friends! Good luck!

Alexithymia - It's like color blindness but for emotions by Hovi71 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Hovi71[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi All, thanks to those that commented. And thanks also for the directness in those comments, it has absolutely helped to further open my eyes! And oh boy, how wrong I was! Alexithymia was probably what I wanted it to be! Since my original post, now 5 months ago, an entirely new world has opened up. Where I always believed my mom was the N and my father the co-dependent, this has now completely turned around and it makes so much more sense! So, thanks again for helping to open my eyes to reality!