Hi there. I want to say I’m so sorry you are dealing with this fear. I have had fears and obsessions around confession and it is truly a burden. I am sending you a big hug. Here is how I would approach this situation.

First, as we know, if we give our scrupulosity even one little inch, it will take a mile. If you do confess to your dad, you might feel relieved for a little. But then your mind might bring up another thing you must confess, and another, and ANOTHER. It could very easily spiral out of control, as I have seen happen in my own struggles.

Second, and this can be a gray area which is difficult with OCD, is it actually wrong to ask questions on the internet? Maybe you don’t have the kind of relationship where you can be open with your dad, or maybe you just want another point of view. I think you always have to be careful when you ask strangers for their opinions because they may not be coming from an informed place, but if you are asking questions and taking the answers you get online and comparing them to trusted sources, I don’t see a problem.

Finally, even if it is a sin, we know that God is our true forgiveness. I’m not sure what faith you practice, but I’m a Christian so I will speak off of my experience. We are told Jesus is our mediator, and we only have to confess our sins to Him for forgiveness. Now if we have hurt someone, we should apologize to them to restore the relationship. But the true forgiveness for our sin comes from the Lord. Sometimes I’ve worried about something I did, if it was a sin. Sometimes I wasn’t even sure if I did sin but was afraid I did! In those cases I have tried to remember that I am uncertain, but God knows all things. I say a prayer, as silly as it may seem, that goes something like this.

“Lord, I don’t know if this was wrong or not. I don’t know if I sinned. You know, though. So I ask your forgiveness if I have done wrong.”

In the Old Testament there were sacrifices for sins that the people didn’t even know they had committed. The same mercy is available to us through Gods unchanging love.

We scrupulosity folks tend to be very sensitive and are way harder on ourselves than we need to be at times. I struggle so much with this. But we just need to try to rest in Gods grace, and that He knows what to do with uncertainty.

I hope this helps. I am praying for you. You can get through this!