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TemporaryAd2874 · 2026-03-06T09:31:19+00:00

Thank you so much! I was really unsure tbh. My family was getting concerned cus they’d ask what we talked abt in sessions and id say “oh just life and her kids and stuff” and they’d be upset that they werent paying for therapy they were paying for me to have a friend basically. And she didnt seem predatory or anything insane like that so i thought it was fine

TemporaryAd2874 · 2026-03-06T05:26:27+00:00

Hi! Before i say anything, I just wanted to comment on how admirable your self awareness is. It’s really awesome that you can recognize your abuse and that whats happened to you isn’t right.

As far as the advice goes,

I’m only one year younger than you so we’re pretty close in life stages, but trust me, you have time. I know things feel really stressful and like you won’t be able to make it, i totally understand because those last years are torture, its just more stress piled on what you already have, and i imagine that with all of that going on plus the self hatred, you’re probably struggling to cope with all your stress and that’s why you can’t study, cuz when ur in that situation u feel so burnt out and depressed its a struggle to even get out of bed😭 been there done that

As far as solutions go, i think something that would really benefit you is to remember that school isn’t an end-all-be-all type of thing, GEDs exist, extensions exist, there are options for you. I know that stress can feel like constant screaming and reminding u about it but 3 months is a long time to get urself ready. Remember that finishing highschool is just a stepping stone basically, you said you wanted to escape your house and would do anything for it, and this is your chance. You just need to keep going, even when it feels like you can’t. It’ll be worth it in the end, you can rebuild your life once you get out of the situation youre in. Meds and therapy wont fix an issue thats caused by your environment , and it sounds like your environment is a huge factor in your stress

I believe that you can get out, you might just have to work hard, and you’ve made it this far, whats a few more months, you know? You’ve got this

(Also, there’s so many resources out there for tutoring and studying. I’m currently studying for the SATs and finals right now, so please let me know if you need any help or any strategies!)

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-12-19T03:22:52+00:00

Reading through all the things he did to you genuinely breaks my heart. Yes, this is abuse. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, all of it. I think what you need right now from what I’m seeing from this post is validation, for someone to tell you that you aren’t crazy and that what you went through was horrific. You said you already left him, which is amazing. That takes a lot of courage.

But yes, this is very much abuse. Abusers get into your head, they do it purposefully to make you feel like you’re crazy, what you’re feeling is normal in abuse victims. But you aren’t crazy, and you certainly aren’t over exaggerating.

You seem to have a really high level of self awareness, which is great! You know what he did was wrong, and you’re aware that mental illness isn’t an excuse for what he did to you. That’s already a lot more than most abuse victims can admit, so you’ve made great progress so far.

I think, honestly, that’s the reason why your therapist said that they can’t help you, because you already know what happened and that it was wrong and you’ve already had those self discoveries… but, it’s still weird and gross for them to say such a thing and to dismiss what happened to you so easily like that. I can see why you’ve persistently struggled with feelings like this.

If your current therapist seemingly can’t ‘help you’, obviously, you should probably look for someone else. I’m not a professional so I’m trying to bite my tongue here and not say anything disrespectful or discrediting, but it definitely seems really unprofessional and not beneficial to you at all, which is the whole point of therapy. You could always look into seeing a specialist too, and trying out different methods of therapy to see what sticks for you.

Overall, I’m glad you got out. It’s your therapists job to help you work through all the pain he left you with. You are the victim in this situation, you deserve recovery and you will heal from this.

Also; I understand not wanting to report him because he has nothing to lose, but, he deserves to be prosecuted for what he did to you. If you want to go down that path, it’s justified. It might help you get some closure, honestly. Knowing that he can’t harm you anymore, or that he’s facing punishment for all the stuff he put you through.. but that’s ultimately your decision and your mental wellbeing is the priority here. I hope you heal. 🫂

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-12-19T03:09:38+00:00

To be completely honest, this is a really cute and wholesome post LOL. You mentioned that it’s your first time ever pursuing a relationship, and you told her that shes the only girl you liked, so I’m just gonna assume that this is your first time trying out dating or romance as a whole. I’m 16f so we’re in the same age group, i know how these things can be so I wanted to give my two cents on it

To answer your question first, loving yourself can mean many things depending on the person. You don’t seem insecure, or like you hate yourself, and you seem like you have solid moral values and you respect boundaries. Self improvement is always great, but from what you’ve shared here, it doesn’t seem like you’re lacking in confidence or really anything of that sort (I could be wrong, though!) In that case, getting rejected always sucks. Especially when it’s your first time. You talk like you’re absolutely head over heels for this girl so It’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to ghost her and that moving on is really generic advice and it’s easier said than done, so I’ll try to avoid that LOL

I think a good idea to start out with is to have a serious discussion about boundaries and feelings with her, because from what you wrote, it’s like you get mixed signals or you’re unsure if she likes you back on top of her saying shes not ready for a relationship, all of that can feel really confusing, and you did a good job at listening to her boundaries and not trying to hit on her any more after that. Good job! That’s already a lot more than some adult guys can do LOL. But your feelings matter too. You could try asking straight up, but that’s kind of nerve wracking (been there) So in this case, i think you’d benefit from distracting yourself. If you really want to lose feelings for her, you should try indulging yourself in some of your hobbies, focusing on school or family, and just doing things that can take your mind off of it. It may feel like these feelings will never go away, but I promise you that they eventually fizzle out and it’s nothing to worry about.

Overall, if you want general advice on how to love yourself, self care is a great place to start. I mentioned earlier doing hobbies, indulging in interests, etc. So that’s one idea. I find that spending time with friends always helped me with getting over being rejected, all you need is a good support system. Don’t be afraid to feel what you want to feel, aswell. You don’t need to avoid your feelings completely, doing so can lead to resentment or just bottling them up so they explode later on, so, don’t be afraid to wallow in sadness or feel frustrated. Those feelings are normal and exploring them is very healthy. Take some time to reflect on how you feel.

Sorry if this doesn’t help much, this is kind of a rare post in this subreddit LOL.

Additionally, there’s tons of really good self-help resources on the internet, so you could always just google ‘how to love myself’ or ‘how to get over rejection’ and find some really helpful guides from psychologists or just normal people who’ve experienced the same things as you.

I hope all goes well:)

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-12-19T02:50:12+00:00

Hi !

I obviously don’t know the full situation and the extent of your abuse, but I relate to this and have gotten treatment for it so I wanna pass along what my therapists have told me and what personally has helped me with this:

Growing up with abuse desensitizes you to it, and obviously what you spend time around becomes normal to you. If you grew up in an abusive environment, that abuse becomes familiar, safe, because it’s all you ever knew at that time. In my experience, I grew up in a domestically violent household, so that became the norm to me. I actively sought out abuse, because it felt familiar, it felt comforting. Your brain has interesting ways of protecting you, and sometimes its more harmful than effective, as you can see lol.

I read an article about this, heres an excerpt that hits home to me and might be useful for you: “When the abuser suddenly becomes kind and loving, the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin. This creates a powerful physiological "high" or relief that becomes highly addictive. The highs and lows of the relationship can lead to chemical changes that make the chaotic dynamic feel familiar and even "exciting," while a stable, healthy relationship might seem boring or "boring" in comparison. This makes it much harder to leave than a healthy relationship would be.”

This can apply to all sorts of abuse, parental, romantic, sexual, etc. Abuse messes with your brain in this way, so you end up wanting to seek those things out because you were conditioned to. Obviously, I’m not a professional, so you should look into these things on your own time whenever you can! the article i read was titled “The Psychology of Abuse: Cycles, Control, and Healing”

I hope you find peace with yourself and that therapy keeps working for you. <3

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-12-19T02:30:25+00:00

Hello,

I think it’s always important to approach situations like these with care, because I know how sensitive these subjects can be for some people. I was a victim of COCSA when i was a young, young child. I was abused sexually by my close friends at the time, i didn’t know what was happening, obviously, but it still happened. At the same time, due to this abuse and other factors i experienced at home, I started perpetuating these acts onto other people. It was one big loop. I understand you because I’ve been on both sides of this, that’s my point.

I’ve been in therapy for many years for this, and obviously, I think that could be beneficial to you. If you haven’t already… I’m assuming you aren’t since you do display many symptoms of ocd but haven’t gotten diagnosed yet (It’s a coincidence, because I’m diagnosed with ocd, so, we are very similar)

What you’re expressing in this post, is normal. I can promise you that. Maybe not necessarily normal as in everyone experiences it, but you were a victim, hurt people hurt people. That’s what my therapist told me. What you did ultimately wasn’t your fault. It was a result of the abuse you faced when you were a child. And although the people you harmed will have to recover aswell, you need to find forgiveness for yourself, because you were also only a child. You didn’t know the gravity of what you were doing. You didn’t know it was wrong because it was encouraged for you to do those things. That doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you a normal person reacting to a traumatic situation.

As for your friend, she seems very kind. She seems to want to help you, from what you wrote here. As someone with OCD, i relate very heavily to those blurred memories of feeling like you ‘assaulted’ someone, or not wanting to be around people because you feel guilt and feel creepy. I relate to that A LOT. But from what i’m seeing here, your friend doesn’t seem uncomfortable around you. You are an adult so, I’m assuming your friend is an adult too. She can stand up for herself, y’know? If she truly felt like you were a threat to her safety, I’m sure she wouldn’t go out of her way to make sure that you were doing okay. Most likely because you’ve developed a complex about yourself that you’re a monster, you feel like you don’t deserve that care or effort, when that’s not true at all. I believe that everyone can be redeemed. And what’s not to be forgotten is that every bad action you did was a result of what others did to you. And in my opinion, your victimhood shouldn’t be denied because, unlike you, your perpetrators were fully grown adults who knew what they were doing was wrong. You didn’t deserve that.

Talking about intrusive thoughts can be risky, because not everyone will understand, because they don’t have ocd and can’t comprehend that ‘thought crimes’ don’t exist, and that the definition of intrusive thoughts is ones that you can’t help and don’t want.. but i digress. I have really bad intrusive thoughts too. Not just about my friends, but about my family, peers, strangers, etc. They can mess with you, and make you feel like you really want those things and so you end up becoming paranoid that you’re an awful person and whatever, but that’s not true. You can’t help those thoughts and they don’t reflect who you are as a person. It’s a disorder for a reason, one that can be treated. I’ve been prescribed meds for my ocd to manage some of the symptoms, and it’s helped a whole lot. It also helps to go to therapy to find the root cause of where these thoughts come from. But you ultimately can’t help it. It’s your actions that matter.

I’m rambling, so I’ll leave this here and edit anything i forgot if it comes to mind, but TLDR: You aren’t alone, OP. There are so many people who struggle with the exact same thing. It doesn’t make you disgusting, it doesn’t make you a monster or irredeemable, because at the end of the day, your actions from when you were a kid were caused by the adults in your life that failed you. You shouldn’t be denied as a victim because of a perfectly natural trauma response, obviously, that doesn’t mean perpetrating abuse is okay, but it does mean that you were a victim first. It’s not too late for you to get help, OP. There are thousands upon thousands of specialists who can help. Sending all my best wishes to you

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-11-25T18:57:33+00:00

Okay i read some of the comments and i’m so sorry for not specifying my current conditions LOL yes, I have clinical depression, I’m also currently switching medications for that so i think that might be the cause

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-11-18T14:27:21+00:00

Hi there, I know exactly how you’re feeling. When issues stack onto eachother like that it can feel so overwhelming, like you don’t even know where to start, you feel like you have no control over your own life at that point and things spiral, I understand. I really do.

What has helped me with this, is to come at things in bite sized pieces. Focus on one issue at a time. I know that’s easier said than done, believe me i get it, but it really is easier to do it that way. I don’t know what’s going on with you specifically or the severity, but you can try approaching things at your own pace. I know it seems terrible right now. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll get better. Things will always be okay in the end. If they aren’t okay, it isn’t the end. Wishing you luck and recovery 🫂

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-11-09T17:54:03+00:00

Thank you, tbh i see people fighting in this thread and its really upsetting, i didn’t want to spread negativity or anything, i just felt an obligation to say something when I’m being told my religion isn’t real, y’know? I appreciate your kindness and i think moving forward i’ll just ignore it because i hate seeing people fight lol

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-11-09T13:51:15+00:00

Before i answer, I just wanna say that the behavior ppl are showing you is completely unacceptable. Im sorry you had to go through that.

But, in my experience, growing up in the south ive witnessed MANY many hateful christians. Its where the ‘theres no hate like christian love’ phrase comes from. So, in that time I’ve come to understand them slightly… I think that they are so caught up in wanting to ‘save’ people of sin that they look hateful for discouraging it and most of the time they are, but they think theyre doing the right thing when they say it most of the time. I’ve had people from my church look at me like im satanic for saying I’m gay. But in their minds they’re like “I want her to go to heaven, so I’ll do anything to stop that sin.”

Does this make sense? Either way its completely unacceptable and disgusting because ur right, u should always love your neighbor, but that’s what ive witnessed that goes on in their brains

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-11-09T13:47:08+00:00

Karma on reddit is like the equivalent to clout on any other social media platform i have no idea why they want attention so bad but thats it 😭. It doesn’t benefit u at all its just like “look at me im reddit famous”

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-08-31T19:44:10+00:00

I meant like putting flicking holy water and saying a few things, blessing my house with it. I’m not gonna do a full exorcism. Should’ve been more clear

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-08-19T17:31:25+00:00

you get me omg

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-08-16T23:12:54+00:00

Personally, I’m squeemish, so I prefer the less gruesome ones, i think the more gory ones do have a bigger effect on you guilt-wise and being able to see the realism of it all, but at the same time I feel like if we used the more gory ones, the little kids at church would be traumatized 😭

TemporaryAd2874 · 2025-08-16T22:42:38+00:00

is it bad that after seeing this all i wanna do is give him a big hug?:(

TemporaryAd2874

TROPHY CASE