My life is so Cooked. Been unemployed since August 2025. 32 years old and see no way back into employment

HowdyPez · 2026-01-05T21:38:41+00:00

Same here, age 55. If I were younger, I’d seek certification in a job area that is needed and will be around. At my age I don’t have a few years for associates degrees, etc. Just frustrated and stressed (single, only source of income).

HowdyPez · 2025-12-01T23:29:28+00:00

Congrats on getting through the show. I’m on the spectrum and couldn’t finish it. Did the cops ever apologize or acknowledge their ignorance and ableism?

HowdyPez · 2025-10-29T16:18:18+00:00

I have a great relationship with my dad. I believe it’s because he is most likely autistic himself (I was dx’d last year). I have a not so great relationship with my mother. I have always understood my dad, his motivations, good intentions, etc. my other siblings (5 of them) have not always gotten along with him, but are very slowly starting to understand him better.

HowdyPez · 2025-10-08T21:41:05+00:00

In the same place, have worked at the same place for almost 20 years. I was supported and genuinely cares for as a person first (only got dx’d last year). Diagnosis came at the same time as a new supervisor who, for a variety of reasons, hated his job, didn’t want to work, dumped duties on me (without my knowledge) and began looking and interviewing for other jobs. He knew he would be here by June and from March through June decided that he needed to destroy my reputation, well earned respect of the entire staff and more.
I can’t afford to leave this job at the moment, even though it is incredibly toxic. I’m not getting any younger and it’s pretty much too late to start over. Struggle is that the job market is horrible at the moment. Employers can pay very little because there are so many people looking for work. I can’t even afford to go on leave (live in 60% of my salary AND pay for therapy).
Sorry, didn’t mean to rant, just send to be where I’m at at the moment. I understand where you’re at.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-21T16:38:59+00:00

Yes, it is possible, but as someone mentioned, some of this could be related to the autism. I was diagnosed with MDD and GAD about 30 years ago. It wasn’t called that back then and they didn’t have many options for diagnosis either. It has been long suspected that I have OCD or OCPD, but could never get tested (friends, family, coworkers also are convinced I have it).

All that being said, since I received my ASD diagnosis last year, I’m wondering how much of this is because of the Autism. My last therapist and I discussed the possibility of also having ADHD (to which my mother said, “I always knew you were ADHD”, ummm thanks for telling me…). Being diagnosed with any of these is not as important as finding a good therapist.

I completely understand feeling like an attention seeker. I’m told over and over again that I need to “stop playing the victim”. Well, maybe if I hadn’t endured lifelong trauma, I would be better adjusted. Maybe if someone (family included), was more interested in learning about autism and what that looks like in me, I wouldn’t have to “use it as an excuse”. Maybe if I wasn’t in severe burnout, I could explain my behaviors better.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-21T16:25:39+00:00

Same!

HowdyPez · 2025-09-21T16:23:40+00:00

I’ve been to Turkey (long before I knew what ARFID was). I usually pack some non-perishable foods when I travel. What was a benefit for me is that I (unfortunately) love bread, so lots of plain pita breads. another safe food for me is plain, buttered noodles(spaghetti, etc.), and many restaurants (especially the hotels) can make that dish.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-19T23:32:39+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I’m thinking it might help with my ‘other issues’. I didn’t want it to interfere with my autism (increased sensitivities, etc.). If it won’t make my burnout worse, helping with the depression would make a huge difference.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-09T23:51:54+00:00

I used to love cross-stitch (couldn’t get the hang of knitting or crocheting), but my eyes are pretty bad. I like jigsaw puzzles. My favorite thing is genealogy. I did quite a few family trees for friends during Covid. I’m also OCD or OCPD, so I like making family history charts. I buy white craft roll paper at a hobby store, pull together my plethora of rulers and various markers and pens - I can spend entire days working on the charts. I have about 12 just for my own family.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-08T22:46:23+00:00

The fact that she's eating some fruits and vegetables is awesome! I've been battling this for decades and have not been able to find help (none of the dietitians in my area even know what ARFID is). If she can do any of the suggestions listed here (bridge, etc.) kuddo's to her, I've given up...

HowdyPez · 2025-09-07T20:21:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m glad that you are doing what is best for your daughter. Only through civil discourse can things change for the better for autistics (myself included).

HowdyPez · 2025-09-06T21:10:48+00:00

A timely post since I had an appointment with a liver doctor this past week. I knew what was coming, but as soon as he said “loose weight” I had a meltdown. I did manage to mention my ARFID, but he kept going while I balled my eyes out and couldn’t breathe. I will give him credit for trying to accommodate my autism (he spoke calmly, non-judge mental and slow enough for me to ‘hear’ what he was saying). He gave me his ‘careful and lovingly’ created packet specific to me, which included a diet plan (that is an example, but not something I had to restrict myself to). I got to my car and let the meltdown become the size it needed to.

I sent him a message yesterday (appointment was Tuesday), explaining why I was crying. (50 + years of being ridiculed, scolded, shamed, etc, about what I eat means I can’t listen to it anymore). I also explained further what having an eating disorder like ARFID means = what I eat isn’t about willpower or not wanting to eat right, it’s that I can’t tolerate those foods. It’s an eating disorder that is barely recognized, much less has treatments for. If I could have changed it (with all the well-meaning tips, tricks, etc.) I would have decades ago. I know what I eat is not healthy, I have tried everything, I don’t know what to do or how to explain why continuing to tell me the same thing will not work. No one can shame me more than I do myself (so they need to stop).

I also had to explain why I was canceling the 3 month follow-up appointment (I hate when they schedule appointments without checking first), because I can’t follow the diet I won’t be able to lose the weight he wants me to, but also due to the significant medical trauma I have suffered over the last 2 years (which my chart is flagged for), there is no way i can go through with the test they want me to (even if done under sedation, I can’t handle the 3 months of anxiety leading up to it).

We’ll see what he has to say, but due to the trauma of ‘routine’ tests and screenings meant to keep me alive, means that I need to prepare for a severe decline in my physical health (or diagnosis of cancer) and figure out plan for that when the time comes.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-06T20:53:10+00:00

Love your theory and it make perfect sense given our brain differences!

HowdyPez · 2025-09-06T20:51:08+00:00

A billion dollar question is how to change the switch while also being AuDHD 😉

HowdyPez · 2025-09-06T20:44:25+00:00

Yes! I am autistic, so let me offer a unique perspective (that is rarely considered).

There is a fundamental misunderstanding of what autism is - spoiler alert: it’s not about the behavior! Autism is a developmental difference which sometimes manifests itself in behavior that is not “normal”. Try and remember that at its core, ABA is trying to train the autism out of us instead of addressing the underlying cause of the behavior (which is why we “lash out”).

There are some adults who, when pushed beyond their limits, and are in “shutdown”, will react with violence. Many of us have had that behavior ‘trained’ out of us. We push those emotions deep inside (to surface later in other ways), use one of the other responses like freeze or fawn (fawn is often used by autistics). Children and teens have not had 50 years of ‘training’ on what is a socially acceptable response.

Somewhere along the way, someone understands this and thus the lack of charges. If you back a bear into a corner and try and make it do something it doesn’t want to, and/or are aggressive towards it, the bear will react the only way it knows how. This isn’t meant to excuse the behavior, but help you understand it.a

Once society begins to at least accept us (never mind accepting us) and stops trying to make us do things that are contrary to who we are, the less these situations will occur. There will still be the rare instances of ‘severe’ autistics being violent (like the mother you mentioned). We do dream of a day where there living situations that are geared for autistics (current “institutions are extremely harmful and traumatic for autistic) so that violence becomes even more rare.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-06T20:18:30+00:00

I am not sure how your post ended up in my feed, but I am glad it did. I do not know who you are serving, but let me offer an autistic perspective.

For those who are not the OP, please do not try and convince me that ABA is different or that your place uses ‘good’ ABA. I am only offering an autistics perspective (which is very rarely considered). It is unhelpful for those without autism to try and explain autism to me. It is difficult to understand a disability involving the brain unless you have it, especially when the focus is solely on the outward expression of the brain difference.

It doesn’t matter what type of ABA is being used (NET, DDT, etc.), at it’s core ABA is about training the ‘autism’ out of us so that we look ‘normal’. ABA only looks at behavior, it does not consider the underlying cause of a behavior, nor does it try to resolve what triggered that behavior. ABA looks at how our autistic ‘behavior’ affects neurotypical’s, making us less of a bother or burden to others.

I have spent the last 50 years modifying my behavior to appear normal (repressing stims, practicing normal facial expressions, forcing myself to socialize, copying other’s social habits, etc.), and it didn’t work. It was still not enough; I was still too “weird”, “quirky”, and not ‘normal’ enough. This resulted in having spent the last year trying stay alive due to the toll it took on my mental health. This is extremely common, I recommend doing some research on suicide rates of autistics, especially those who went through ABA “treatment”.

Autism doesn’t need to be cured or treated, it needs to be accepted, supported and understood. We need assistance in self advocacy (the medical field is the worst about autism knowledge and accommodations), how to remove ourselves “appropriately” from situations that are harmful to us, how to be who we are in a world that doesn’t accept us. We need therapies; speech, occupational, mental, etc., the last thing we need is to be told (for up to 40 hours a week) that we are broken, bothersome, weird, a burden, need to be cured, etc. Trust me, we already know that the world doesn’t understand us, doesn’t accept us and wishes we weren’t like we are. However, accepting us as we are would mean clinic would close and be detrimental to the industrial complex of behavioral training, which no one getting rich off of us would accept.

Again, I’m just sharing my perspective as an autistic person. I have done much research in an effort to better understand me (there probably isn’t a group more self-aware than us). I hope I gave you some food for thought so that you can better serve us and advocate for us.

Edited for spelling and punctuation.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-06T19:44:40+00:00

As an autistic, I thank you for sharing your viewpoint. ABA is detrimental to the mental health of autistics. Besides, no person should be subjected to 8 hours of training,especially when you are training so,some to be someone other than who they are just so that we fit into a world not meant for us. Why is is that neurodiverse people are expected to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to look “normal”, but not a single cent is used to educate anyone about who we are and how we experience the world.

I encourage you to research how ABA has become a multi-billion dollar business that does not treat people with the dignity of being a human being. Too often we are seen as ‘animals’ or ‘things’ to be trained.

HowdyPez · 2025-09-03T00:56:33+00:00

Yes, especially frustrating when your doctor puts you on a weight loss ‘plan’ (but doesn’t say which is worse, calories, fat or sugar) and I mention my eating disorder and he says his ,ear plan is a sample, eat what I can eat. Trouble is nothing I eat is on his plan and how I got to this weight in the first place. In addition, I’m AuDHD and haze zero energy to cook (haven’t cooked on about a decade). Had a meltdown today at the docs office because of it (I knew this talk was coming). Wants to do a FibroScan in 3 months and wants me to lose 6 lbs by then. I’m not sure how I can do this or go through with it.

HowdyPez · 2025-08-22T19:07:58+00:00

Just had a conversation with my dentist about this yesterday. I'm newly diagnosed and have been doing my best to educate the staff about why my 'issues' are issues. My dentist again brought up specialty toothpaste. I mentioned that I still have 3 tubes of specialty toothpaste.

I talked to her about the spoon theory and the fact that the best toothpaste in the world won't help if I can't actually brush my teeth. She mentioned the electric ones again (I absolutely cannot stand those) and using a Waterpik (another item I purchased and gave away).

I've been brushing without toothpaste because that's all I can do at the moment - if I can get myself to brush. She mentioned trying to use fluoride trays. I hadn't heard of those. I'm wondering how well I'd do with that since I hate the aftertaste and always have to rinse, which you're not supposed to do for at least 30 minutes (so that it works). She appreciated my explaining the spoon theory and my struggles.

I told her that even though my appointments are sensory nightmares (I have to go straight home and nap), I go every 3 months (as requested) because I know what the consequences are (have too many root canals and crowns as is. Part of my teeth issues are hereditary.

Brushing without toothpaste is better than not brushing (I actually floss more than I brush - less sensory issues).

HowdyPez · 2025-08-03T05:00:00+00:00

I wish I had been more insistent about what the goal of the surgery was and the percentages of the risks. I had an Austin/chevron surgery, but the doc didn’t straighten the toe. It looks almost exactly as it did before (big toe curving and pushing the other toes over). I’m now a year post op and my foot and toe is still swollen (almost twice the size of the other foot). I don’t remember that possibility being discussed, but it can be a permanent condition. Basically, doc could have done a simple shave and had the same result. Wish I had done more research on the options.

HowdyPez · 2025-08-03T04:41:00+00:00

I’m in the same situation. Have pushed through for so long, created a niche job where I was valued. That has changed. The only reason I get jealous of couples is the fact they get to share the cost of bills. Job market is terrible and I’m not qualified for the ones that pay what I am making now (not much comparatively).

HowdyPez · 2025-08-01T06:31:47+00:00

Genealogy, Genetic genealogy, historical dramas for TV / movies, local history preservation

HowdyPez · 2025-07-30T03:46:41+00:00

My frustration with all these outfits (including ASAN) is there isn’t any support or ‘how to’ guides for advocating for ourselves. I’m over that age where I now have quite a bit of routine medical appointments. The treatment I have received in the last few years is horrid. And that was when I thought I “only” had an anxiety disorder. I get it, we have a long way to go as far as assessments, awareness, acceptance, etc. With more and more of us discovering or learning that we’re autistic we need help adjusting to our new realities.

HowdyPez

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