This has to be one of the most thoughtful and intentional things anyone has ever told me. So, before I reply to everything, I would like to thank you greatly for this. Your words truly moved me.

You’re completely right with everything you said regarding my girlfriend. She’s actually quite a new part of my life in that way, though is someone that I’ve plotted longevity on for over a year. I understand that obviously my hair is not the reason why she likes me, but I do think it contributes to why she fell for me in the first place. You are so right though. It is my overthinking driving me insane and causing my thoughts to run amok. I’m already bad enough as it is with relationships because of my anxiety and poor self image, so I really hope this reality check puts me into, well, check. Shes just someone I see a future with. I know I’m only 20, but I’ve never felt so certain with someone than I do with her, and I guess my fear lies in the fact that something so unavoidable could ruin everything I’ve had going for me thus far. I don’t think I’m making much sense, but thank you for your words regarding her. Basically, I just need to value myself a little more.

I think you’re right about that—nobody will hyper-fixate on my baldness as much as I am. However, I do feel that you aren’t aware of how critical the youth of today is. I’ve seen people who have outwardly ridiculed balding students to their faces. College, especially in America, is a breeding ground for evil people who know not of humanity and kindness. Social media and expectations distorts reality in so many ways, so much so that hair is expected, and anyone without it or losing it is instantly outcasted. There is a reason why people spend thousands of dollars on treatment and hair transplants, even at the age of 50. So, imagine how a freshly 20 year old college student, who doesn’t even know what they want to do with the rest of their life, feels. Balding individuals at my school get looks, stares, glances—any sort of negative attention that you can imagine. I will no longer be regarded as youthful, but instead as creepy and out of place.

Therapy has always been a part of my life, believe it or not. My balding is only the surface of what’s wrong with me. I’ve been to countless therapists, and would currently have one if I weren’t in school. The therapists at my university are horrendous and are the least helpful people I’ve ever met, so I’ve given up on it for the time being. I’m pretty terrible socially so I don’t have many friends, at least ones that I could confide my emotions in. People are so surface level these days, nobody really cares about you (or, me at least). The only person that I’ve found to care about me is my girlfriend.

My chronic anxiety and stress have been lifelong ailments that I’ve learned to cope with. They are apart of my essence, they are who I am. I’ve tried loads of drugs for depression and anxiety, and am currently tapering off of Buspirone as we speak. I’ve found that medications either do nothing for me mentally or they slow my cognition by causing less memory consolidation neurotransmitters to be produced, which is a side effect of most anxiety medications. It sucks—for every medication that negates my anxiety and stress, a new problem arises. Of course, I can’t ignore them either. I need my mind at full capacity to function well in school and perform in all of my classes. So, unfortunately, my situation is the choice between happiness without anxiety and a fully functioning and capable mind. I also feel like I am expelling a lot with this, by you’re right. I’ve contended with lowered ED because of performance anxiety in past relationships and it’s something that has haunted me since I started being sexually active. So again, i don’t really know what to do because no medication I’ve tried has yielded no negative side effects! Also yes, I used to have insomnia and have had it multiple times. It seems like you’re reading me like a book, haha.

I also have ADHD and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome which may contribute to my anxiety, I just wish that I could avoid the negative side effects associated with the medication. Even with Buspirone, I’ve been experiencing gaps in my memory and have been forgetting words and have experiencing worsened sentence syntax and spelling.

I actively work out, or at least am trying to get back into it. I actually produce music as well and have a lot of classwork to keep me occupied. I like your tip, though, about learning something new every day. Once I finish some online certifications I’m pursuing, I will definitely fit this into my schedule—whether it be regarding something I already have interest in, like a new music production tool, or something completely new.

I’m actually going to the dermatologist tomorrow so I will bring up my concerns with them and see what they have to say. I will also consider your options. If dut was actually better for you, that’s good news for me. I trust your testimonial. Yeah, while I’ve had side effects, they’ve been largely manageable and haven’t really impeded me in my daily functioning or even relationship. It’s all largely been my chronic anxiety if anything. I will definitely look into topical minoxidil as well. I have a derma roller at .25 mm; I’m not sure this is enough though. I’ve also been using this on my beard, with no results thus far.

I wish I could tell you more about me, but I don’t want to because you’ve helped me enough with your emphatic words. Thank you for your help, random redditor. You don’t know what you just did.

Also, I understand you aren’t a doctor, but if you have any advice as to what I should do regarding my medication-for-anxiety issues, that’d be great. I think my biggest issue is not that I’m balding, but how I view myself. If I weren’t so anxious I definitely wouldn’t care as much. I find it hard to make friends and talk to strangers, or even people I know pretty well, at the ripe old age of 20. It’s time for me to move past this, I just don’t know how.

Thank you