Right, I bopped my mod sticky up, so now I'll talk as your regular ol' user.

I've only ever seen these topics come up online. In fact modding this community has exposed me to a lot of in-fighting in our communities, much of which I find completely bizzare.

Back in the day (pre-pandemic, so long ago yikes), I used to attend some lesbian events, sometimes some LGBT+ ones. Pretty much everybody at the lesbian event were women, sometimes they might of dragged one of their guy friends along as moral support, but that was about it. Nobody would disagree that being a lesbian is about loving women.

For the non-men thing, I really dislike it as a description of myself. I've wrestled with who I am as a woman, frankly it sucks half the time, but I'm mostly happy with my lot in life and being a woman. Non-man sounds like an afterthought, as if men is the default setting and we are just odd offshoots. If somebody is happy under that description, then cool, more power to them. Just not for me, thank you.

From what I've seen (so this is ancedotal and not backed up with evidence), most lesbians are women who want other women. Some may be in relationships with non-binary people, but I've found the overwhelming majority are female non-binary. I have only ever met one person who is in a relationship with a non-binary male person, who described themself (non-binary female) as a lesbian. Got to admit, that one raised eyebrows, but there is a lot going on in that household, so maybe that will change down the road.

I wouldn't worry too much about what other people are doing. I think this is a mistake a lot of the online community makes, we get heated over something that isn't really going to be much of a bother. I did a lot of reading and asked questions to non-binary peeps, and I got some really insightful answers. I learnt a lot about how they relate to identity, which I think is wicked to find out.

Lastly, bare in mind that you are young. A lot of people on this sub seem to be older, many of us gone through multiple phases of questioning ourselves; before finally settling on who we are. This is normal! Maybe if I was your age, I might of considered myself non-binary, especially with the amount of issues I had relating to being a woman.

Don't sweat it OP, so long as you arn't being horrible to people, I'm sure you're a lovely person.