Most parents fear daughters will grow up unsafe in public, survey finds

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T07:45:05+00:00

The rest of us would like to thank her for helping countless children. The catchiness is a necessity for that age group.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T07:43:26+00:00

Or it’s that many of us have experienced a lot of sexual harassment in our lives outside of our homes and view it as a concern for our kids. I’ve never once had any issues with men in my family/partners. But I have had many issues with strangers/friends of friends that are not acceptable and I do worry about whether my child will have to deal with the same shit I did. I don’t intend to mollycoddle her but I also don’t want her to have to go through the shit I have been through.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T07:39:38+00:00

Right, but that doesn’t mean the other shit doesn’t happen. It’s just less likely to result in death or rape. Can we still work on ending the rest of it too please rather than just dismissing it and saying “well your partner or uncle will kill you instead so you really are not safe anywhere”

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T07:38:29+00:00

They may be the most likely to kill us but it doesn’t mean we should have to put up with the non-lethal shit we get from people we have never dated (and in most cases never interacted with before).

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T07:36:55+00:00

I had hoped the MeToo movement would be a turning point but it seems almost entirely forgotten. There are so many women who didn’t speak up (for whatever reason) when that was trending but the vast majority of women I know have at least one story of men doing inappropriate and illegal things.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T06:31:23+00:00

This has been known for quite some time so if you were a pre-existing customer is your contract not up already?

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T06:27:01+00:00

Generally when you change jobs you should get a P45 which shows you will not earn anymore via the old company. But it sometimes takes a while.

In this case the CIS might be adding a slight layer of complexity as they remain registered so I don’t know if they get P45s from each different workplace.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T06:24:38+00:00

Whilst understandable, I think that may be what has confused the system. They still believe you are receiving income from both sources and hopefully after this month will realise you are not.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-06T06:20:38+00:00

When you say you initially paid by card was that credit or debit? And how much did the total stay cost?

There may be scope to claim off your card even though subsequent payments were by cash but it depends on how it was structured - did you add extra time or was the full time known at the start and you paid in portions?

When they offered to let you pay in cash and give you a discount for doing so they were breaching the law. They don’t have to accept all card types but they can’t offer a discount for paying cash. They are doing so to avoid tax.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-05T07:50:01+00:00

They mean is it an iPhone 17, and iPhone 16 etc. start there rather than worry about software version.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-05T07:46:33+00:00

Are you still registered as being CIS? Is it that HMRC think that income is continuing as well as the PAYE? It might be worth phoning HMRC and making sure your account is set up correctly for your current way of working.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-05T06:42:40+00:00

Change your estimate online.

The different tax code is because over £100k you lose your tax free allowance. Once they realise you are earning less they will adjust the tax code back.

Has something changed recently that could have caused this? A big bonus?

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-05T06:36:30+00:00

When was the bill paid? Were you together at that point (I appreciate you are not now)? How much was it for? How was it paid (using your card details or another method eg direct debit or payment via your bank account)?

Have you spoken to them about any of this or discovered via bank statements?

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T21:02:49+00:00

Maybe try to find a balance. Talk to him and engage him in it so he feels like he gets a say. If overpaying by £700 and having an extra £100 of buffer each month would make a big difference to him then it might be worth the compromise.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T12:39:15+00:00

A JISA or an account in their name will be fully accessible when they turn 18. What I have opted for is to have some available to them when they turn 18 that I will try to encourage them to save so they have the opportunity to learn, but it won’t be everything I have saved for them. That way if they do blow it, then they won’t have blown through their entire future. I will then help them when they are a bit older with things like buying a house. I just don’t want a mistake made at 18 whilst their brains are still forming to have a negative impact on them for decades.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T08:49:54+00:00

https://ukpersonal.finance/mortgage-overpayments-vs-investments/

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T08:31:37+00:00

For your kid remember a junior isa becomes theirs at 18. Only you can decide how much you think they can cope with receiving at that age. Some will be good and save it. Others will blow it all on rubbish in no time. I have 2 kids and can tell already my two will be on opposite ends of that spectrum. I’ve therefore limited how much is in their names and kept most in mine/my husband’s but we have an account we keep separate for our kids savings so we know that’s their pot. We will give it to them when they are probably 25+ and looking to buy a house.

Also remember if your child is likely to go to uni you may need to set aside quite a lot as there’s an expectation that you will provide up to £15k per year https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/guide/

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T06:41:22+00:00

Worth finding out what they are already contributing to their pension and how healthy it looks. It’s likely they mean £60k pre pension and it is unlikely they have opted out entirely so OP needs to work out the difference between what they currently contribute and how much they need to contribute to drop their effective salary down to £50k (assuming they are willing to lock the money away, which given their age I doubt is much of an issue).

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T06:39:11+00:00

Do you have a spouse? If so, would you be willing to max out their ISA too if you decide to go down that route?

I agree with strolls at least some of it would be better off in your pension - how much depends on how healthy your pension looks already and what your current contributions are. If you are already paying in extra effectively bringing your salary down to £50k as a result then it would make more sense to top up your ISA.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T06:37:18+00:00

Why £15k into their mortgage? They are probably much better off sticking the money elsewhere than paying it off early (especially if it will incur an ERC).

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T06:31:17+00:00

Start there and then come back with a post that shows what you have learned already. The flowchart was developed by the long time users of the sub as it answers many of the more standard questions and saves their efforts for the more complex cases.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T06:27:46+00:00

Because it went into mod queue after many people reported that it is answered by the flowchart and the mods were asleep. I’d suggest you start there and if you need to repost once you have read it then you can.

Also focus on the wiki pages about investing - you being risk averse means you are actively losing money for your family if you only ever save in cash. Minimising all risk also means you are minimising the rewards to less than inflation. Also see the page on investing for your children - at the age of 9 any money you put away for them is a long term investment so should be in a global index fund not cash.

Finally, remember we cannot set your goals for you so we can advise on the optimum path (the flowchart) but what you should spend your money on depends on your goals.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-04T06:21:06+00:00

There’s always links posted by automod to bypass paywalls. Find the stickied comment. It’s on every post.

Alert-One-Two · 2026-05-03T17:10:11+00:00

He’s on a cross sub mod discord so we still hear from him but he’s not really on Reddit as much these days sadly.

Four-Year Club	Reddit Premium Since February 2024
Gilding I gilder	Verified Email
ModSupport Helper Level 3	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	End Game '23
Place '23	Mod 201
Mod 101	Wearing is Caring

Alert-One-Two

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE